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[Hurdity]

So sorry about how you are feeling still and your job racjen, also about your repeat blood test. I know it's not easy for you but hang in there for your daughters' sakes as well as yourself. I do hope the blood test turns out OK but stay strong racjen - we all care about you and are willing everything to turn out well for you eventually....

Hurdity x

[Mustard1]

RAcjen - Just read this job.  That is awful.  I can't believe your employers can get away with that.  I believe they are petitioning in Parliament tomorrow for more help with Menopause and also ensuring Employers react/act correctly.  It seems you just keep getting knocks.  My thoughts are with you.  Please don't do anything stupid and post when you feel low to get some of the lowness of your chest.  Hugs to you.  x

[AgathaC]

Good evening Racjen. I'm prone to HA so would also be worrying about the blood test. But my non HA self would remind me that the GP is probably right. Hard as it may be, try not to worry.
Hmm the job. Would there be any mileage in asking them for a part time/homeworking role, if such a thing exists? I appreciate how unwell you are but keeping your hand in if at all possible will help body and soul.
Finally, just remember that we all are looking out for you and sending good thoughts your way.

[racjen]

Hi agathaC, trouble is, I work in a library and in my role you kind of have to be there to do the job (and it was already part-time). If a suitable homeworking role came up they'd consider transferring me, but right now budgets are so tight in the library service they're not going to be making any special concessions. Plus I suspect even the pressure of homeworking just might be too much. I don't think there's anyway round this -  it's not unjust, I can't take a union rep and argue for unfair dismissal or anything like that because to be honest the cause doesn't really matter, if I can't do the job it's irrelevant whether it's because of menopause or a car accident. In theory that's what state disability benefits are for, when you really genuinely can't work due to illness,but unfortunately they're simply not enough to live on.

[racjen]

Also just found another weird spontaneous blood blister on my toe. Repeat test tomorrow but then I bet they'll keep me waiting all weekend for the result.....

[AgathaC]

Racjen - how is your weekend going? I hope today has been a good day for you. I've had a day full of hormones and health anxiety.
I'm so sorry about your work situation. Yes, no option for working at home or flexibly in your field and as you say you're not necessarily well enough for that anyway.
Send an update. I've felt very worried about you in recent weeks x

[racjen]

Thanks Agatha, well just more of the same really. More strange spontaneous bruising  on my fingers and hands on Fri, but again it was after a Zumba class a friend had persuaded me to go to so there must be a connection with the violent exercise (which does seem to help my mood a bit). The locum I saw thinks it may be a very rare condition called Achenbach's Syndrome, which develops in women in their 40s and 50s for no known reason, but isn't serious. Even so I have to be tested again in a month's time because the initial test showed enlarged red blood cells, which could be down to vit B12 deficiency or thyroid problems.

Today has been pretty awful - lack of sleep is really making things a lot worse, this morning at 7am i phoned the Crisis Team feeling utterly desperate, only to get an answerfone saying their service was temporarily out of order. This after I'd been reassured I could phone them 24 hours a day. So ended up phoning the Samaritans and had a long talk with a very sympathetic guy. Still waiting for any further support from the Community Mental health Team or any sign of the referral appointment to the Menopause Clinic. So I'm still in limbo, crawling from one day to the next and dreading waking up tomorrow morning to more unbearable anxiety. Desperately trying to resist taking more and more diazepam cos I know it's counter-productive, but sometimes it's very hard when I'm exhausted and just want that bit of temporary relief.

[sheila99]

It's good the bruising doesn't seem to be serious. I hope you manage to sleep well tonight and tomorrow is a better day.

[Charys]

Hiyer racjen,

So sorry to hear that you are struggling and suffering so much. I understand where you are coming from, we've talked before on here briefly I know, as I am also (both currently and historically) 'hormonally challenged'. I was referred to mental health services some months ago for the crippling anxiety, by the time the appointment came through (months) I was then entering a good phase and so cancelled taking it up. Now, not so good again    Anyhow, I don't have much to add that will help hugely, just wanted to say that I am thinking of you x

[AgathaC]

Today, Racjen: good day or bad day?

[racjen]

Thanks Charys, I have to say I feel pretty despairing of mental health services right now - feels like they're making it worse if anything. I was referred urgently by the Crisis Team weeks ago to the Community Mental Health Team, so that I would have some ongoing support and not keep phoning having reached suicidal point again. Weeks later I'm still waiting for any kind of support, and when I do phone for help they pass me back from one team to the other or just increase my despair - I phoned to say I was on the point of taking an overdose and after a short conversation the guy said well could I let him know if I really intended to so he could call an ambulance. The Samaritans are much more helpful and sympathetic, mental health services are understaffed, undertrained and overworked- they just can't keep up with the demand.

[racjen]

Bad day - usual crippling anxiety despite going out for a run/walk/run to try and blast it out. Then have spent most of the day crying. Phoned Community Mental Health Team to ask if there was any chance I might get seen soon- I'm on a waiting list, they'll get back to me, no indication  of how long that might be. Only good bit was I got an appointment with Poole Menopause Clinic in a month's time - I was told 3 -4  months min. Just not sure how I'm going to get myself there if I'm feeling like this (Poole is a good 3 - 4 hours drive from me).