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Author Topic: How Do You Describe Your Anxiety?  (Read 16395 times)

Ladybt28

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Re: How Do You Describe Your Anxiety?
« Reply #15 on: September 16, 2018, 05:03:32 PM »

I started suffering at 12 (so defo hormonal although I didn't know it then).  Around 18 - 21 when I started with full blown panic attacks that just seemed to emerge from nowhere - totally subconscious - no bad thoughts or worries.  I remember as clear as day now (and it was 38 years ago) the first attack which I had on a tube train going to work.  I thought I was having a heart attack and I had to run.  I didn't know what I was running from I just had this overwhelming urge to run so I got off at the next stop and ran out of the tube.  As you can imagine it was rush hour and it was very difficult.

I ended up on anti-depressants for nealy 40 years!  Not that they actually worked as they were supposed to. I dont have enough room or time to bore you all with the intervening trials and tribulations but to say 3 years ago I ditched all the pain pills and antidepressants.  What I do want to say is that the meno anxiety is different to anything I have felt before.

I'm afraid - scared - not panicked except when confronted with something going wrong - or what I perceive as going wrong - others probably wouldnt give it a second thought.  I have this overrwhelming feeling that "something bad"is going to happen and I need to prepare for every eventuality and my "self-talk" (the voices in my head - yes shropshirelass they are mega exhausting) goes on and on and on and I am afraid for the future - immediate and well into the future.   I feel on constant alert and I don't sleep much.  I do get shaky and weak at the knees whe someone says or does something which my voices have not prepared for but no full blown panic attack. I have never been scared of the future or scared of living or going anywhere before in this way. I did get scared of the Panic attacks when I was younger because the nature of them were so random for me and so as I had more of them I got afraid to go out because of them happening not because I was afraid of actually going out.

My hrt and my trials of keeping progesterone to the minimum have helped but not eradicated it altogether although I am still on a bit of learning curve - so yes Kathleen I am hoping the right formulae is coming up on the horion.  Now I look back - its a pattern - I started around period time 12 had problems with the pill - had post-natal depression both times and now problems with the meno - one doctor told me years ago I had ME!  No doctor who has prescribed meds and sent me to counselling and CBT has made any connection to hormones - duh!  I have written in another post and on which CLKD has commented - I'm quite angry about that - seems like 40 years wasted struggling with something that was fixable to a certain extent.

Annie0710 - my husband can dissassociate (its not so bad now - he has had loads of counselling) but at one point it was so bad even he couldnt remember that he had been "away"!  He described it as "being in another room, hearing muffled voices but not experiencing anything".  He also said it's like being frozen in time and coming back having missed everything - so its not just us ladies - although his is defo not hormonal.



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racjen

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Re: How Do You Describe Your Anxiety?
« Reply #16 on: September 16, 2018, 05:55:12 PM »

I never experienced anything I'd describe as anxiety until it descended out of the blue when I was peri-menopausal, aged 45. No reason, no trigger, I just woke up one morning feeling a deep and awful sense of fear and dread. The pattern is always the same - it starts early morning, it's not triggered by thoughts but is a purely physical sensation in my stomach and bowel, as if I knew I had to give a really scary speech or something else I was dreading. Gradually it goes off during the morning until by lunchtime I feel OK. It kind of tailed off gradually when I was peri, but hit me far worse after I was thrown into sudden menopause by chemotherapy. Nothing works - CBT, psychotherapy, relaxation etc. because it's a physical complaint caused by hormonal imbalance. We've had so many discussions on here about this I think it's pretty clear that you can distinguish between hormonal anxiety, which has a physical cause, and psychological anxiety that springs from other causes. Right now I can only live anything like a normal life by taking a fairly hefty dose of diazepam every morning, but if that's what it  takes to get my life back I'm doing it for now.
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Ladybt28

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Re: How Do You Describe Your Anxiety?
« Reply #17 on: September 16, 2018, 06:22:53 PM »

Racjen - I am allowed a small stash of diazepam and but I only take it when I am really really bad.  I know what you mean about the dread when you open you eyes - there is no time for a split second bad thought to be the cause because it is instantaneous - fear and dread and there is really nothing to be afraid of.  So sorry to hear that the full meno was due to chemo - hope you are doing ok?

Sgtvhilts  - My husband calls those thoughts "whistlers".  He had a counsellor who just didn't get him and when she asked him questions about what he said she just didn't get his reply - actually knowing him I think he probably did it deliberately ::)  He says they just "whistle through with no time to grab them as they go - and they're gone"! - but the spaghetti thing is a really good way to describe it.

Seems like from the comments here - there is a bit of concensus about "fear and dread" as a feeling.  I wonder what receptors in the brain are responsible for that and why it just kicks off, although thinking about it, hot flushes just kick off randomly for no apparent reason - wonder if the two are connected? - just thinking allowed - I'm a bit of a "why" person - I like to know the reason for stuff.
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racjen

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Re: How Do You Describe Your Anxiety?
« Reply #18 on: September 20, 2018, 06:15:09 PM »

Yes, I think there must be a connection between the hot flushes and the fear and dread reaction, cos I've seen lots of women linking the two on here in their own experience.

I feel so so weary of health professionals seeming to  be absolutely oblivious of this major symptom of menopause. In my desparation today I spoke to a lovely man on the Community Mental Health Team about this, and although he was trying to be sympathetic and helpful he clearly had no idea what I was talking about. And yet the evidence on this website is overwhelming....
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Kathleen

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Re: How Do You Describe Your Anxiety?
« Reply #19 on: September 20, 2018, 08:36:26 PM »

Hello again ladies.

Many thanks for your interesting comments everyone.

There is a lot of information on coping with anxiety but of course our trouble is hormonal and as such arises from a  separate system. No one ever suggests we have CBT to cope with period pains, we are instead advised to take painkillers and cuddle up with a hot water bottle!

Meg Mathews has talked about her severe and sudden anxiety during her menopause, saying that she simply woke up with it one day and couldn't leave the house.

I think anyone purporting to be an expert on the menopause should be compelled to spend a few hours reading the posts on this forum.  Only then could they get a true understanding of the range and severity of symptoms and hopefully develop some compassion along the way.

Take care ladies.

K.
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sheila99

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Re: How Do You Describe Your Anxiety?
« Reply #20 on: September 20, 2018, 09:03:08 PM »

I hadn't experienced anxiety until I was in peri. Mine was mixed with insomnia, I'd spend hours lying awake at night turning things over and over in my head. During the day I didn't experience fear, it was more a feeling of being constantly on edge and expecting something awful to happen. My GP couldn't distinguish the cause. I was offered anti-depressants (which I refused) but she didn't make the connection with menopause. I was 57 which should have been a clue. It was cured by HRT.
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Ladybt28

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Re: How Do You Describe Your Anxiety?
« Reply #21 on: September 21, 2018, 04:07:27 PM »

I'm with Kathleen - it doesn't matter how we describe it or that it is different from "normal" anxiety - it's clearly linked to the menopause and surely in this day and age of medical science how come most medical professionals can't even make the link!  Heaven forbid we would actually want them to do something about it.

I think its endocrinologists who should know about the flush/anxiety thing Sparkle but I have to say I haven't read any theories o it anywhere and Racjen mental health professionals regardless (well any I've come across - and unfortunately its a few) do not have a baldy notion (NI expression).  All they can muster is "its all in your head".  Oh dear, you've got me started - useless supposed health professionals - one of my pet hates!

Menopause matters should be compulsory reading for all health professionals!  With all these actual stories to corroborate what happens what I want to know is what could we all do about it to get it more widely considered because I would be on it like a car bonnet!
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Sid

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Re: How Do You Describe Your Anxiety?
« Reply #22 on: September 21, 2018, 05:33:04 PM »

Hi Kathleen

My reactions are purely physical. It's really weird: emotionally I do not feel anxious or fearful but my body suddenly switches to fight or flight mode (racing heart, heightened awareness etc). I think it is purely hormonal. I have never been an anxious person so these symptoms are strange.

Sid
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NorthArm

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Re: How Do You Describe Your Anxiety?
« Reply #23 on: September 22, 2018, 07:00:06 AM »

Ladybt28

You just explained my life to a ‘T'!! I found ADs useful in that I was better able to control the anxious feeling...but those awful ‘something bad is going to happen' feelings...in my saner moments I call them the horrors or the vapours!!

And as for the anxiety attacks before the flushes - at this stage, our adrenal cortex takes over from our ovaries in producing the kind of ‘old lady oestrogen' (that's what I call it lol) that we'll need for the rest of our lives. Some ladies are lucky, and this process is a gradual one, ovarian production waning at the same rate the adrenals take over - these are the ladies who ‘sail through' menopause, whose period just stops, and nary a hot flush in sight, lucky them! For the rest of us, it's like trying to pull start an old lawnmower - the adrenals cough, splutter, jerk about...the ovaries are doing the same, and everything becomes a kind of hell. There is a lot of research going into this....I've been reading quite a lot about it. In my stronger moments, I do 5-6-7 breathing, and focus on the thought that ‘it's just the adrenals taking over from the defunct ovaries'....but when the horrors hit, they hit hard and I find it very difficult to deal with:(

I hope this makes sense xx
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NorthArm

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Re: How Do You Describe Your Anxiety?
« Reply #24 on: September 22, 2018, 07:17:48 AM »

Lol Sparkle, you made me laugh  ;D....

Sometimes, when it's really bad, I wonder if the whole bally thing would just sputter and die?!!  ;D
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Kathleen

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Re: How Do You Describe Your Anxiety?
« Reply #25 on: September 22, 2018, 07:05:02 PM »

Hello again ladies.

I wish I had a better understanding of what is  happening on a cellular level when I start to  feel awful. Tempest comments that our bodies are experiencing a type of drug withdrawal and this is the cause of many symptoms.

I read an article about a recovering alcoholic who had terrible anxiety when he was in rehab while  his brain adjusted to being alcohol free. I wonder if all our little cells are crying out for the oestrogen fix that never comes? If so I wish they'd shut up already because I've just about had enough of this meno lark!

Take care ladies.

K.
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racjen

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Re: How Do You Describe Your Anxiety?
« Reply #26 on: September 22, 2018, 09:27:05 PM »

Doesn't really make sense though because my cells are getting the oestrogen fix, I've had no problems getting my oestrogen levels up to pre-menopause, but the anxiety remains as bad as ever.
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Kathleen

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Re: How Do You Describe Your Anxiety?
« Reply #27 on: September 23, 2018, 03:45:19 PM »

HeLloyd again ladies.

Racjen -  You make a very good point.  Clearly low oestrogen levels are not solely responsible for anxiety, if only we knew what was! 

My consultant  told me that a measurement of 400 pmol would be helpful but  other ladies have been given a different figure to aim for. The lack of consensus is beyond frustrating and only adds to our despair in my opinion.

Wishing you well and sending hugs.

K.
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BlueButterfly

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Re: How Do You Describe Your Anxiety?
« Reply #28 on: September 23, 2018, 07:03:35 PM »

I just need to say 'THANK YOU' for this thread. My gosh, just so wonderful to read everyone's experience.

I started having anxiety about 4 months ago. I remember the week and all the events. I was on BCP at the time, it was a menstrual week and ever since I get it, especially bad (one ER visit) during that menstrual week, almost like clockwork. Then it takes me a couple of weeks to completely come down off it but I can tell when the intense anxiety stage starts to pass. This anxiety does include panic attacks but much less now that I know what is happening. For me, it's mostly physical. I get the tight throat, like a choking sensation. It can get pretty intense like almost being strangled, but I can breathe fine, swallow fine. It's like wearing too tight of a shirt collar and someone tightens up when I get more stressed. When it starts to go away, I get a sore throat for a couple of days. Everything is exaggerated like pain, and the muscle tension is insane. I also have major health anxiety now as well. I question everything I take, vitamins and supplements, meds...even things I have taken before in the past with no side-effects. Every pain, twinge or weird sensation makes me wonder what is wrong...what's going to kill me this time?

 I tried talking to the first doctor about this and the timing but he said it was a coincidence. Same thing I've heard from others...or my favorite is that "I'm too young". Everything I have going on is "because of anxiety" and I just need to take an anti-depressant, which doesn't feel right to me at all!

Off BCP now, 2 months....bad anxiety this last cycle. I've had 3 cycles since stopping it and they've all been different. Giving it 3 months than hoping to go back to my GYN from 7 years ago than helped me find my hormonal problems before (ovaries not functioning correctly). He didn't think I was too young but I couldn't afford to keep seeing him.
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Kathleen

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Re: How Do You Describe Your Anxiety?
« Reply #29 on: September 23, 2018, 07:51:47 PM »

Hello BlueButterfly and welcome to the forum.


I think the worst part of this hormonal anxiety is that is has a rhythm all it's own and can seem  irrational to everyone else. My anxiety and panics begin as physical sensations in my stomach and then I worry about eating.

I use HRT and take an anti depressant but these horrible sensations still occur along with the flushes and sweating.

I hope you soon feel better and that you find a treatment that works for you.

Wishing you well and keep posting.

K.
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