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[Hurdity]

Today there was briefly a male member who registered on this forum but has now been removed, and I was surprised to read from some members on here that they were not aware that the forum was for women only and some suggestions that there should be a male section of the forum!  God forbid! As someone mentioned - it is in the first part of the registration agreement and I'll post the link again because the thread (by the man) was removed.

https://www.menopausematters.co.uk/forum/index.php/topic,2650.15.html

"The Menopause Matters Forum is for women only."

It can't be stated any plainer than that –  perhaps there should be a sticky post about this?

The reasons are obvious – on this forum women often discuss very private and intimate details and even though we are anonymous – I can imagine some men might recognise their partners for example, and we do not want men reading all that we post. This is the only place that women can safely ask about some of the physical aspects of menopause and relationships, as well as some delicate emotional issues (I am choosing my words carefully as this is in the open section of the forum). We've had some weirdos registering on here in the past! I won't go into details.

There is a whole section devoted to men - the “Man Shed" - where it states that forum membership is for women only and is publicly available here https://menopausematters.co.uk/manshed.php as is all the information on the website, and all of the public threads on the forum can be read by anyone.

This means we can post anything private or intimate in the members only section of the site without worrying,  although of course it can't be guaranteed that everyone registered is female.  This is not to minimise the problems some men are experiencing but this is not the place for them to ask about them and resources have been provided to help them!

Hurdity x

PS I was going to call this thread male members but we've had misunderstandings about that before! 

[nearly50]

That's interesting.  I would have absolutely no problem in men reading anything I post, and I'm quite surprised that it is an issue. Most men know as little or as much as I did before perimenopause hit and I personally think the more they know, the better.

Understand this is the forum rules though.

[Menomale]

Me too. I also think their input is very important, but I respect the forum rules.

[Megamind]

I have seen a few posts from men and I actually felt for them as it's clear they are seeking advice on how to deal with what their wife is going through and each post I saw, the men seem to really love their wives and want help on how to get through this difficult time in their lives. None of the posts were derogatory or troll like.

I don't have a problem with it but I can see why others might. The forum can be read by anyone anyway apart from the private section which is for members only so unless members constantly post under the private section their husbands can recognise them just from reading the main forum. My husband knows I use this forum and I'm very open with him about all my symptoms and problems.

Perhaps the men should create their own forum?

[Jackanory]

That was a nice husband trying to find out more about menopause and being supportive of his wife. My husband hasn't got a Scooby about the whole thing, despite being advised by me constantly about symptoms and problems. I have told him to Google menopause so he can read for himself what it's all about, as he obviously hasn't listened to me all the other times when I've been trying to explain it to him.

[CLKD]

This should have been raised by Emma  - however, if one GOOGLES menopause one is taken to this Forum apart from the 'private lives' so anyone can access what we have been discussing.

[Annie0710]

I just assume we are all women here but who knows ?

Rules are rules but I really felt for that guy earlier

[Dorothy]

I think the 'no men' rule is sensible.  I try to make sure people I know won't recognise me if they log on here anyway, but while I might just feel a little awkward if a female friend joined and worked out who I was from my posts, I'd be mortified if one of my friends' husbands did the same!  Concerned male partners do have the option of reading the general information provided on the website as well as the public areas of the forum, which should give them sufficient information to be able to support their partners.

[Cazikins]

But what stops a man posing as a female? Their name wont give them away unless it is obvious

I'm sure it has happened before & would not be surprised if it is going on now.

It doesn't matter what the rules are - if they don't get sussed they wont get booted off.

I'm just surprised that some of you haven't realised it already.

We all have to remember that this is a forum open to anyone (apart from the private section - however once one has become a member then that part opens up to them as well).

[Elizabethrose]

I quite agree Cazikins, there could be a number of male members already, it can't be checked. There are so many members who have never posted who have full access to every area of the forum.

Given that aside from the Private Lives area, all is available to any Tom, Dick, or Harry who may be interested, it's all pretty irrelevant anyway.

I'm afraid I've been recognised a number of times now, I'm fairly open about stuff and my experience is unusual and therefore likely to be recognised by my friends, family and docs who visit the site. I'm really not too fussed though, I'm just as likely to have a menopause discussion with my window cleaner or Ocado delivery guys. I clearly have no shame!

[Dana]

This is purely my personal opinion, so please take as such.

We often bemoan the fact that women are poorly educated and informed about menopause, and it's much worse for men. Women want understanding and support from their male partners, but how can that happen if they are even less informed than women?

There is also a tendency for men (and some women) to make jokes and totally dismiss menopause purely because of ignorance.

I personally don't have a problem with men reading what's on the  forum. They can do that without being a member anyway, except for the private section anyway.

This attitude about menopause reminds me of how menstruation used to be such a taboo subject years ago. Keeping menopause a taboo subject where men aren't welcome is only hurting women in the long run.

I understand that there may be weirdos around, but those weirdos can already read most of the forum anyway, or could be surreptitiously joining anyway.

If someone is really concerned about their privacy then it is up to them to make sure they post nothing that can identify them. This is the internet and nothing is ever really private, and people need to remember that.

[Elizabethrose]

My siblings and I were brought up in an open, liberal household where everything was discussed. Sanitary towels and tampons sat in the bathrooms, anything was talked and joked about without embarrassment. It certainly wasn't like that in lots of my friends houses though. My brothers' friends were also unenlightened about many female bodily functions!

My kids were brought up in a similar fashion and have always talked openly about everything, maybe too much so sometimes! 
I don't have a problem with a cross exchange, though I'm very much aware that some on the forum do. We have to be respectful of that.

[CLKD]

Maybe men should begin a Forum devoted to periods and menopause ?  Particularly when families are split, Dads should be able to have access to info.; we all know that men don't talk about 'stuff' other than football  and won't use a map 

I never have had a problem with men asking for advice ........... or reading on here, probably lots do anyway: probably find a lot of it boring     

[Katejo]

I didn't  see the comment discussed but also  have nothing against men participating.

[Menomale]

It was late night when I saw his post and I answered him. Next day when I came back, it was gone... if you say so sparkle, then I'm glad he had some help!

When I joined this forum I chose the username Menomale which is an Italian idiomatic expression that means something like "thank goodness", or "it's a relief" and here in Brazil we used it in the sense that "things could have been worse". I just realised some time later that in English it could be interpreted as meno from menopause + male... and I thought, oh no, some ladies will think I'm a man! 

Now, where does this "for women only" rule leave the transgenders, non-binary genders and inbetweeners? They are very interested in sex hormones!