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[V29boo]

 Hi ladies I am new to the forum and I'm hoping this will be a good support system because some of you  may understand  what I am feeling at the moment because some of the people closest to me I feel have let me down because they simply think I've changed and I'm not the same  person these people I'm talking about mainly my adult children .  I have two daughters and a son whom I have always been close to and best friends with however recently I have had arguments and disagreements with my eldest daughter  because they don't seem to be coping and understanding towards the things I am going through at the moment my family just think I am super sensitive over emotional  in fact my daughter said I was an emotional wreck and she was sick of treading on egg shells in case she upset me and yes I have two agree that my main concerns  are that I am getting very upset over the silliest little things that normally  wouldn't bother me I have become paranoid thinking no one loves me  i'm crying at the drop of a hat my eyes are constantly swollen I get palpitations and panic attacks and just feel anxious every day about things and I can't control all of us sudden  I am emotional because I can no longer have children I see mothers and babies and it makes me cry I see pregnant women and feel jealous because I can no longer become pregnant even though I  have three beautiful grandsons who I spend a lot of time with I am so emotional at the minute I can hardly bear to be parted from them and feel I am not giving my husband the time and  attention he deserves because I want to surround myself with my family and I am frightened to let go I  suppose I could go on and on but just wondering if anyone else out there can understand even just a little bit what it feels like to  have all these feelings at 55 years of age and all Of a sudden I feel that my bladder is too near my eyes  and I can't stop the tears and worrying even though sometimes i just can't understand what it's all about.
 Thanks in advance  X

[walking the dog]

V29boo have a huge hug from me , what your experiencing is totally normal for a lot of ladies on here myself included.
If you say where you are in menopause,perimenopause or post menopausal and if you take hrt what type etc then some of the more knowledgeable ladies may be able to help you.
In the meantime remember your not alone xx

[CLKD]

  your children are 'right' in that during the lead up to peri-menopause, some ladies can become extra emotional so the family is thrown into upheaval and do indeed, tread on eggshells - this time of Life isn't called "the change" for nowt.  Have a browse round the Forum, make notes!  Jot down your menstrual changes, diet, moods for the last 6 months.  See if there is a pattern.

HORMONES    .   Have a read of 'notes for husbands' too.  Jot down your current symptoms i.e. aches and pains, dryness ……….. as oestrogen levels drop so muscles may become lax, the body dries up, i.e. eyes, deep in the ears, vagina …….

Once you have a list to refer to, sit your family down and explain that this is 'the change' which will affect you all.  Are they still living at home?

[Justjules]

Hi. Welcome to the forum. You are describing my life too at the moment! I suffer terrible anxiety, particularly HA, I am the family joke about it but things have got a lot worse over the last year and my daughter and myself are distant with each other because she just doesn't 'get' anxiety and my two sons are good but they told me at the weekend that I am now getting everybody down with my negativity and worry etc.  Basically, as my therapist told me, rightly or wrongly, the just want this Mother that copes, is the matriarch of the family, keeps everybody and everything going but is never allowed to have her own meltdowns. It is based on fear. They are frightened when we show weakness and I'm having to learn to accept that but it's hard. I don't have a supportive partner so I depend on them a little too much sometimes and I'm learning, after a particularly stressful weekend, that I have to do this alone. I totally understand where you are coming from. X

[V29boo]

 Thank you ladies for your quick response just knowing someone get where I'm coming from is an immediate boost to my self esteem .  Firstly I am not sure at what stage I am just that I am missing a couple of periods here and there then they come back and it's just a bit hit and miss at the moment I  suppose for the last couple of years I have experienced low moods but only briefly and there has been light at the end of the tunnel of course I put this down to my age as I am now 55 still felt sure it  must be menopause however in the last six months say things have intensified and for at least three months now I just feel like a different person completely.  I experience more migraines my joints in my skin especially on my body and neck which has always been young looking and firm is  in my opinion deteriorating fast I have the old woman look on the top of my arms and even though still relatively slim just feel like my skin is starting to slacken  and lose muscle tone even though I am very active .  My beauty therapist told me my skin on my face although still in good condition for my age is hat dehydrated and my neck is becoming very crepey😩 I suppose all with the above description of myself you may gather this has affected my confidence and self esteem name I just feel I am surrounded by beautiful people  and I am deteriorating rapidly . My children have all left home now and even though this hasn't happened recently I feel I am really suffering from empty nest syndrome  and this has made me very needy and I suspect I come across as being pushy because I always want my family around me which  isn't always what they want . My eldest daughter recently took my two grandchildren to Florida to stay with her father and his wife which she has done in the past  although not with the grandchildren it was in evitable it was going to happen but because of my vulnerability at the moment it completely devastated me and I  was in such a depression that it caused a family argument which I have still not recovered from I know it may appear  trivial to some but it was so big to me it overtook my life like I couldn't cope  and that is the type of thing I am talking about I'm not handling situations that ward have one's seemed normal .  I don't want to feel like this and suffer the anxiety and I'm going through to know that anyone else out there has ever felt this kind of emotion would be so  helpful to me to perhaps get my head round the fact that I am not just a complete raving lunatic because at the moment I feel like the world is out  to have a go at me and hurt me . I have visited the Doctor Who has prescribed antidepressant for low mood and she did say at this time in my life my hormones will be off  The wall I think maybe they have helped a little in that I am maybe slightly more  relaxed but still have an over whelming feeling of doom and gloom and terrible sadness about things I can't really explain .  My daughter shouted at me telling me the menopause was a total bitch and she hoped the hell  it would be over quickly I feel hurt and let down because I always called her my best friend and  been a woman herself in her 30s it may be upon her sooner than she thinks and maybe then and only then she  we'll have some sympathy if I am still around to see it xx

[CLKD]

Your children are rarely your 'best friends' because children have their own agendas  . Also your daughter is uncertain about where her 'Mum' has gone which can equal fear = anger. 

Many ladies feel more sensitive about issues they would have coped with.  However, as we age we do have fears about those we love dying so maybe your daughter going off to the US with her children raised some background issues about not seeing them again. 

Your daughter is 'right' - The Change can be a total bitch  - in more ways than 1!  Her turn will come so when you are more calmer, explain that this too will affect her.  Some 'sail' through, others suffer.  Once you have more details from this Forum you will be able to either print it off for her to read or talk it through. 

This too will pass!

[clare663]

Hi V29boo. I too felt very alone until I joined this forum. I have two older children 21 and 18 and a granddaughter (3) and get immensley jealous when they spend anytime with their father! My son is torn between two homes as his work is nearer to his Dads but I bought him up on my own and miss him dearly when he is not there. My daughter is my best friend, in fact probably my only friend as I have pushed all the others away over the years. I am out of touch with my very loving family. I know they are there if I need them but do not feel very close to them like I would want to. My partner of 5 years has been by my side throughout all of this but even he is getting to the point of no longer listening. It can be such a nasty, horrible thing to experience and we all hope there is a miracle cure that will make us the person we once were but, as I am finding, it is trial and error and can take a long time. get to your Gp and talk and start on the journey back to normality and ask as many questions as you like on this site as it has been a godsend to me. x

[V29boo]

 You are so right about children not being our best friends and that is often learned the hard way as I have found out because I have refused offers with friends my  own age to go off and do things with my daughters.
 I also love spending time with my son who is such good fun but have to let him lead his own life as he is planning to get married next year I guess  I am struggling letting go I actually heard them laugh at me because there is a comedy show on TV  I can't remember what it is called set in the 70s and apparently the woman on their reminds the kids of me not in looks but her actions controlling her family and rather than  call her mother she is called smother.
 My goodness this is what I have come to I think everyone is scared of me at the minute because where are used to be relaxed about them spending time with their  dad and his wife it is now a big deal and I was told the other day after being  divorced from their dad for over 18 years all of the sudden resentment is becoming apparent and it is upsetting me when they spend time with him and not me I realise I'm irrational  and unreasonable but I can't help myself .
 Writing all this down makes me feel like a horrible person and I really and truly I am not I'm caring kind considerate and genuine I would have said on till now  and all these feelings are coming out of me and I feel like I am being completely taken over .
 So sorry to go on but it seems you lovely ladies who have bothered to respond to me kind of get me even if it's just bits  of what I am saying and that helps me so much to realise  that I am not alone .
 I am finding it hard to find the ad vice for husband and what one of you ladies were saying about dryness et cetera if you could point me in the right direction
 Thank you so much to you all for responding and sharing with me it is giving me some hope xx

[CLKD]

I will bump the thread about vaginal atrophy ………

Hormones can make us irrational.  As can anxiety.  You are not horrible, you are going through a horrible time - so different when we are unable to control our outbursts.  Maybe have a 'buzz' word so that they can call it as they run from the room  ? 

[coldethyl]

My son and I were very close but after a difficult period when be had ocd and I was starting this journey, I decided that it is best not to burden your kids with your problems as they should be flying the nest and getting on with their own lives , not picking up mine.
I've also come to realise that as much as our loved ones, be that partner, child or friend , might want to help, that there is a limit to what they can do and can stand without it impacting on their well being too. That has been the saddest thing so far about the change- learning that I am alone with all these symptoms that make me anxious and so far removed from the person I thought I was. This forum is a godsend at times as people get how you are feeling and can offer as much support as they feel able without being overwhelmed as our families often are.

[V29boo]

 Sorry Stella Jane didn't realise you had posted before I sent my last thread it's nice to hear from someone who has been on the receiving end and  fully appreciate how difficult it must be for family to like yourself I really can understand that I am probably over powering at the minute I do  and awful lot with my family and it's always been great because it's what we have all wanted and nothing has seemed hard work but because of the change in me now and my insecurity I am guessing there laughing  at times either don't tell mum or they are frightened to tell me what they're doing and like you have experienced yourself it will make them resentful too  I understand that and I saw one to get my act together and overcome this and be the person I was as I don't want to do this to my family thank you again from sharing from the other side.
Also Clare 663  thank you so much for sharing and sorry that you feel the same kind of pain and emotions I do and yes you're right when you say jealousy because I have intense jealous  feelings which I do find very difficult to handle so it is immensely helpful to speak to someone who understands I think this forum maybe my life line as I know  in the short time I have used it I feel a bit of a weight  lifting from my shoulders thank you so much .  Do you sometimes feel you are too close to your grand daughter that it is on bearable sometimes to be separated because that is how I feel with my grandson perhaps to the point where I feel like they  like my own children that me and my husband never had my husband understand where I am coming from with the closeness to our grandchildren because he feels the same bond so I am Lucky  I have his support .
 Thank you CLKD for help finding my way around and anyone else who responds xx

[CLKD]

Vulnerability can cause people to feel more anxious, it can also up-root memories and feelings that have been buried.  It is 'within normal limits' for this time of Life so join in!

[walking the dog]

V29boo your not a horrible person your a menpausal person and though it may make you act horrible at times its not the real you. Printing stuff off from here for your family's,a great idea, hopefully it will forewarn your daughter of what coil be around the corner for her and help ease her transition. Be kind to yourself x

[Justjules]

My daughter asked my son several months ago "where has our Mum gone?" But she deals with it by keeping her distance which makes me very resentful towards her. I had just supported her through her splitting up and then divorcing her husband and then she met someone new and now we hardly see the grandchildren because they spend every weekend with their father apart from Saturday mornings and then my grandson plays football, so big changes, no more family holidays and I've withdrawn from the grandchildren which isn't right but it's been so hard not to be involved in their lives to the extent we were. It just makes this whole age and meno business so much harder and yes, she may understand one day when it's her turn.

Everything you are feeling is what most of us are finding hard i.e. bodily changes, appearance, becoming invisible, all horrible to accept but it is 'the change' but hopefully to something better one day!

[CLKD]

Justjules - could you not have the grandchildren in the School holidays?  Do you keep in contact at all  - letters, post cards, Skype ?