Menopause Matters Forum
General Discussion => New Members => Topic started by: V29boo on May 31, 2016, 11:49:20 AM
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Hi ladies I am new to the forum and I'm hoping this will be a good support system because some of you may understand what I am feeling at the moment because some of the people closest to me I feel have let me down because they simply think I've changed and I'm not the same person these people I'm talking about mainly my adult children . I have two daughters and a son whom I have always been close to and best friends with however recently I have had arguments and disagreements with my eldest daughter because they don't seem to be coping and understanding towards the things I am going through at the moment my family just think I am super sensitive over emotional in fact my daughter said I was an emotional wreck and she was sick of treading on egg shells in case she upset me and yes I have two agree that my main concerns are that I am getting very upset over the silliest little things that normally wouldn't bother me I have become paranoid thinking no one loves me i'm crying at the drop of a hat my eyes are constantly swollen I get palpitations and panic attacks and just feel anxious every day about things and I can't control all of us sudden I am emotional because I can no longer have children I see mothers and babies and it makes me cry I see pregnant women and feel jealous because I can no longer become pregnant even though I have three beautiful grandsons who I spend a lot of time with I am so emotional at the minute I can hardly bear to be parted from them and feel I am not giving my husband the time and attention he deserves because I want to surround myself with my family and I am frightened to let go I suppose I could go on and on but just wondering if anyone else out there can understand even just a little bit what it feels like to have all these feelings at 55 years of age and all Of a sudden I feel that my bladder is too near my eyes and I can't stop the tears and worrying even though sometimes i just can't understand what it's all about.
Thanks in advance X
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V29boo have a huge hug from me , what your experiencing is totally normal for a lot of ladies on here myself included.
If you say where you are in menopause,perimenopause or post menopausal and if you take hrt what type etc then some of the more knowledgeable ladies may be able to help you.
In the meantime remember your not alone xx
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:welcomemm: your children are 'right' in that during the lead up to peri-menopause, some ladies can become extra emotional so the family is thrown into upheaval and do indeed, tread on eggshells - this time of Life isn't called "the change" for nowt. Have a browse round the Forum, make notes! Jot down your menstrual changes, diet, moods for the last 6 months. See if there is a pattern.
HORMONES >:( ::) . Have a read of 'notes for husbands' too. Jot down your current symptoms i.e. aches and pains, dryness ……….. as oestrogen levels drop so muscles may become lax, the body dries up, i.e. eyes, deep in the ears, vagina …….
Once you have a list to refer to, sit your family down and explain that this is 'the change' which will affect you all. Are they still living at home?
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Hi. Welcome to the forum. You are describing my life too at the moment! I suffer terrible anxiety, particularly HA, I am the family joke about it but things have got a lot worse over the last year and my daughter and myself are distant with each other because she just doesn't 'get' anxiety and my two sons are good but they told me at the weekend that I am now getting everybody down with my negativity and worry etc. Basically, as my therapist told me, rightly or wrongly, the just want this Mother that copes, is the matriarch of the family, keeps everybody and everything going but is never allowed to have her own meltdowns. It is based on fear. They are frightened when we show weakness and I'm having to learn to accept that but it's hard. I don't have a supportive partner so I depend on them a little too much sometimes and I'm learning, after a particularly stressful weekend, that I have to do this alone. I totally understand where you are coming from. X
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Thank you ladies for your quick response just knowing someone get where I'm coming from is an immediate boost to my self esteem . Firstly I am not sure at what stage I am just that I am missing a couple of periods here and there then they come back and it's just a bit hit and miss at the moment I suppose for the last couple of years I have experienced low moods but only briefly and there has been light at the end of the tunnel of course I put this down to my age as I am now 55 still felt sure it must be menopause however in the last six months say things have intensified and for at least three months now I just feel like a different person completely. I experience more migraines my joints in my skin especially on my body and neck which has always been young looking and firm is in my opinion deteriorating fast I have the old woman look on the top of my arms and even though still relatively slim just feel like my skin is starting to slacken and lose muscle tone even though I am very active . My beauty therapist told me my skin on my face although still in good condition for my age is hat dehydrated and my neck is becoming very crepey😩 I suppose all with the above description of myself you may gather this has affected my confidence and self esteem name I just feel I am surrounded by beautiful people and I am deteriorating rapidly . My children have all left home now and even though this hasn't happened recently I feel I am really suffering from empty nest syndrome and this has made me very needy and I suspect I come across as being pushy because I always want my family around me which isn't always what they want . My eldest daughter recently took my two grandchildren to Florida to stay with her father and his wife which she has done in the past although not with the grandchildren it was in evitable it was going to happen but because of my vulnerability at the moment it completely devastated me and I was in such a depression that it caused a family argument which I have still not recovered from I know it may appear trivial to some but it was so big to me it overtook my life like I couldn't cope and that is the type of thing I am talking about I'm not handling situations that ward have one's seemed normal . I don't want to feel like this and suffer the anxiety and I'm going through to know that anyone else out there has ever felt this kind of emotion would be so helpful to me to perhaps get my head round the fact that I am not just a complete raving lunatic because at the moment I feel like the world is out to have a go at me and hurt me . I have visited the Doctor Who has prescribed antidepressant for low mood and she did say at this time in my life my hormones will be off The wall I think maybe they have helped a little in that I am maybe slightly more relaxed but still have an over whelming feeling of doom and gloom and terrible sadness about things I can't really explain . My daughter shouted at me telling me the menopause was a total bitch and she hoped the hell it would be over quickly I feel hurt and let down because I always called her my best friend and been a woman herself in her 30s it may be upon her sooner than she thinks and maybe then and only then she we'll have some sympathy if I am still around to see it xx
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Your children are rarely your 'best friends' because children have their own agendas ::). Also your daughter is uncertain about where her 'Mum' has gone which can equal fear = anger.
Many ladies feel more sensitive about issues they would have coped with. However, as we age we do have fears about those we love dying so maybe your daughter going off to the US with her children raised some background issues about not seeing them again.
Your daughter is 'right' - The Change can be a total bitch - in more ways than 1! Her turn will come so when you are more calmer, explain that this too will affect her. Some 'sail' through, others suffer. Once you have more details from this Forum you will be able to either print it off for her to read or talk it through.
This too will pass!
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Hi V29boo. I too felt very alone until I joined this forum. I have two older children 21 and 18 and a granddaughter (3) and get immensley jealous when they spend anytime with their father! My son is torn between two homes as his work is nearer to his Dads but I bought him up on my own and miss him dearly when he is not there. My daughter is my best friend, in fact probably my only friend as I have pushed all the others away over the years. I am out of touch with my very loving family. I know they are there if I need them but do not feel very close to them like I would want to. My partner of 5 years has been by my side throughout all of this but even he is getting to the point of no longer listening. It can be such a nasty, horrible thing to experience and we all hope there is a miracle cure that will make us the person we once were but, as I am finding, it is trial and error and can take a long time. get to your Gp and talk and start on the journey back to normality and ask as many questions as you like on this site as it has been a godsend to me. x
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You are so right about children not being our best friends and that is often learned the hard way as I have found out because I have refused offers with friends my own age to go off and do things with my daughters.
I also love spending time with my son who is such good fun but have to let him lead his own life as he is planning to get married next year I guess I am struggling letting go I actually heard them laugh at me because there is a comedy show on TV I can't remember what it is called set in the 70s and apparently the woman on their reminds the kids of me not in looks but her actions controlling her family and rather than call her mother she is called smother.
My goodness this is what I have come to I think everyone is scared of me at the minute because where are used to be relaxed about them spending time with their dad and his wife it is now a big deal and I was told the other day after being divorced from their dad for over 18 years all of the sudden resentment is becoming apparent and it is upsetting me when they spend time with him and not me I realise I'm irrational and unreasonable but I can't help myself .
Writing all this down makes me feel like a horrible person and I really and truly I am not I'm caring kind considerate and genuine I would have said on till now and all these feelings are coming out of me and I feel like I am being completely taken over .
So sorry to go on but it seems you lovely ladies who have bothered to respond to me kind of get me even if it's just bits of what I am saying and that helps me so much to realise that I am not alone .
I am finding it hard to find the ad vice for husband and what one of you ladies were saying about dryness et cetera if you could point me in the right direction
Thank you so much to you all for responding and sharing with me it is giving me some hope xx
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I will bump the thread about vaginal atrophy ………
Hormones can make us irrational. As can anxiety. You are not horrible, you are going through a horrible time - so different when we are unable to control our outbursts. Maybe have a 'buzz' word so that they can call it as they run from the room ::) ?
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My son and I were very close but after a difficult period when be had ocd and I was starting this journey, I decided that it is best not to burden your kids with your problems as they should be flying the nest and getting on with their own lives , not picking up mine.
I've also come to realise that as much as our loved ones, be that partner, child or friend , might want to help, that there is a limit to what they can do and can stand without it impacting on their well being too. That has been the saddest thing so far about the change- learning that I am alone with all these symptoms that make me anxious and so far removed from the person I thought I was. This forum is a godsend at times as people get how you are feeling and can offer as much support as they feel able without being overwhelmed as our families often are.
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Sorry Stella Jane didn't realise you had posted before I sent my last thread it's nice to hear from someone who has been on the receiving end and fully appreciate how difficult it must be for family to like yourself I really can understand that I am probably over powering at the minute I do and awful lot with my family and it's always been great because it's what we have all wanted and nothing has seemed hard work but because of the change in me now and my insecurity I am guessing there laughing at times either don't tell mum or they are frightened to tell me what they're doing and like you have experienced yourself it will make them resentful too I understand that and I saw one to get my act together and overcome this and be the person I was as I don't want to do this to my family thank you again from sharing from the other side.
Also Clare 663 thank you so much for sharing and sorry that you feel the same kind of pain and emotions I do and yes you're right when you say jealousy because I have intense jealous feelings which I do find very difficult to handle so it is immensely helpful to speak to someone who understands I think this forum maybe my life line as I know in the short time I have used it I feel a bit of a weight lifting from my shoulders thank you so much . Do you sometimes feel you are too close to your grand daughter that it is on bearable sometimes to be separated because that is how I feel with my grandson perhaps to the point where I feel like they like my own children that me and my husband never had my husband understand where I am coming from with the closeness to our grandchildren because he feels the same bond so I am Lucky I have his support .
Thank you CLKD for help finding my way around and anyone else who responds xx
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Vulnerability can cause people to feel more anxious, it can also up-root memories and feelings that have been buried. It is 'within normal limits' for this time of Life so join in!
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V29boo your not a horrible person your a menpausal person and though it may make you act horrible at times its not the real you. Printing stuff off from here for your family's,a great idea, hopefully it will forewarn your daughter of what coil be around the corner for her and help ease her transition. Be kind to yourself x
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My daughter asked my son several months ago "where has our Mum gone?" But she deals with it by keeping her distance which makes me very resentful towards her. I had just supported her through her splitting up and then divorcing her husband and then she met someone new and now we hardly see the grandchildren because they spend every weekend with their father apart from Saturday mornings and then my grandson plays football, so big changes, no more family holidays and I've withdrawn from the grandchildren which isn't right but it's been so hard not to be involved in their lives to the extent we were. It just makes this whole age and meno business so much harder and yes, she may understand one day when it's her turn.
Everything you are feeling is what most of us are finding hard i.e. bodily changes, appearance, becoming invisible, all horrible to accept but it is 'the change' but hopefully to something better one day!
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Justjules - could you not have the grandchildren in the School holidays? Do you keep in contact at all :-\ - letters, post cards, Skype ?
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Hi Justjules
I'm so sorry to hear of the change in your family circumstances and to not have your grandchildren in your life as much must be so difficult for you to come to terms with as well as everything else you are going through at this very emotional time in your life.
I don't know about you but guessing as you said the word becoming invisible that the family members even though they may say oh how are you feeling it just like it they feel obliged to ask but your answer doesn't mean anything one way or the other because they don't understand anyway they just think you're a bit of a fruit cake.
I feel kind of pushed aside because obviously I'm different and no one has the time for the new needy and vulnerable me which I find so hurtful when we have always been there for our families . I am so glad I have found this site because other ladies have commented about not burdening families and are using this as support .
Coldethyl thanks for your response as it made me realise burdening family is not the way to go and they will withdraw.
If any of you ladies have any tips on coping with changes in appearence and coming to terms with the fact that you no longer feel young and look attractive even though we may still to other people, when you wake up one day and realise your skin is getting loose and the tops of your arms have that old crinkly look you used to dislike when you were younger. Oh goodness the list is endless but I'm sure there will be others who can understand....at the moment just feeling it's all downhill, sorry to be such a moan xx
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Hi V29boo. Yes I am the same as you. I have put on weight, was 8/10 now 12/14, loosing hair, got wrinkles, body no longer firm!! I hate the way I look but no one else comments! I had quite a difficult second marriage in my late 30's early 40's and as far as Im concerned, I looked the best I have ever looked and now have this overwelming feeling that I wasted the best years of my life on a man that just wasnt worth it and didnt appreciate what he had! Im 50 later this year and finfing it quite hard to appreciate getting old! xx
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CLKD, I do see the grandchildren fleetingly, as I travel to work a couple of days a week with my daughter as we work close to each other and pick the children up from her ex-MIL's. They are typical now in that they have their own interests or are with their 'new family' (new partner has two children). We've offered to have them but it's always got to be on daughter's terms i.e. when it suits or is convenient to her and it's not very often, and as she points out - they are getting older and don't want to go on days out with the grandparents - gosh, we're only in our late 50's!!! She's asked us to have them for a day while she goes to the Races with the boyfriend in a couple of weeks but as it's the Saturday and I go out with my Mum, I'm being awkward and saying yes, but I'm not changing my plans so they'll either have to come with me or go with my OH, (which I would never normally do) and I've even been instructed what time they have to be back so that their Dad can collect them at 4:30 and when I said it would be 5:30 she wasn't happy. Can't win. Hence, I'm backing off but sad that I had a very close relationship with my Nan and feel like they're missing out but hey ho, can't create feelings that obviously aren't there. They were never encouraged to stay overnight with us when they were small as daughter was very possessive over them so that never happened either so we could build a bond with them. I'd have all this out with her but I'm too ill with anxiety to heap another problem on myself.
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I would have said 'no' ……….. ::) but if this is impinging on your day out, then they have to give a little …….
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Claire663 getting old is no fun at all but surely there comes a point where you start to accept the changes do you think? Otherwise all the older ladies in the world would be in a deep depression.
I find myself looking at older people and watching them go about their daily lives with grey hair and wrinkles but yet smiling and moving forward, and all of a sudden I just find it all so fepressing😩And yet it's how life is meant to be it's the accepting I'm finding hard.
I suppose some people would think me silly or vain but it makes me so sad to see my eyes lose their sparkle bags forming that make me look tired and the realisation that perhaps the time has come to cover up the tops of my arms in summer because of the crinkly skin. Yes it comes to us all but how do we learn to deal with it because inside we still want to be firm toned and wrinkle free.
I'm very lucky to have a husband who pays me lots of compliments and try's to boost my confidence so it saddens me you didn't have a good second marriage and feel you wasted some of your youth on him. I'm sure there will be someone somewhere who will someday build your confidence and make you feel like the beautiful person you really are. We all deserve that so perhaps for the time being we can build each other up and encourage each other that were not doing too bad and we are making the most of what we have😍No we will never be 30 again but we can try to be fabulous into our 50s and 60s xx
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JustJules I truly feel for you and what you must be going through not having as much time as you would like with your grandchildren that seems so unfair.
When marriages end then other people come into the family the whole structure changes and things can become quite complicated and the kids have to be shared out more I know this only too well and it hurts like hell.
I also understand when you say you feel too ill to have it out with your daughter because me personally I feel like I have lost control as a mother and I sit back and almost feel like the child and therefore feel like I'm used and put on and it's the kids that put me in my place.
I more often than not keep my mouth shut to avoid conflict because I don't really feel heard anyway and I'm just expected to be there when needed.
You spend the best years of your life sacrificing for your children then they grow up and move on and you just feel redundant? Am I right in thinking you can understand this feeling? Xx
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Hi V29boo. I regularly feel like I am now redundant!! I have a man who has been my rock for the past 5 yrs and loves the bones of me and regularly tells me Im sexy etc but I dont take it in. I think the menopause fills you with self doubt but it also happens in your life when circumstances change and your children begin the big adventures in their own lives. I am thankful for what I do have but sometimes wish I had more which is so wrong of me. There are so many people so much worse off than me. xx
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Claire663 I'm so pleased you have a good man to support you and I'm sure what he says is very true that your sexy and lovely you obviously trust and love him so trust what he is saying is true and take it in and accept his compliments. Ha ha I say that my hubby is the same always compliments me and I find it hard to believe but the other day he got hold of my shoulders looked into my eyes and said "no you didn't hear what I said so listen again and let it sink in accept it and believe it" so I kept it in my heart all day my husband thinks I'm sexy beautiful and he loves me very much and I felt better for it.
I like you could be a lot worse off but it's natural to want more so don't give yourself a hard time. I hope you have a good day today xx
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Hi, just wanted to say hello & that I'm so sorry you are finding it so hard at the moment.
If you're worried about being able to have a non-emotional talk with your children, maybe you could email or write to them with a brief explanation of what it is like going through the change, so that they know all the emotional stuff is not really you, it's just your hormones going mad!
Also, don't forget it will be quite scary for them, especially your daughter who may even be worrying about going through the same thing in the future. My mum started the change when she was around 44 and I was 10, and I remember how scary it was when she started crying & shouting for no reason. We expect our mums to stay the same, so it is really unnerving when they change so dramatically!
Go back to your GP and see if you can get some help. And remind yourself that the real you is still there, just slightly squashed under an avalanche of hormones at the moment!
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JustJules I truly feel for you and what you must be going through not having as much time as you would like with your grandchildren that seems so unfair.
When marriages end then other people come into the family the whole structure changes and things can become quite complicated and the kids have to be shared out more I know this only too well and it hurts like hell.
I also understand when you say you feel too ill to have it out with your daughter because me personally I feel like I have lost control as a mother and I sit back and almost feel like the child and therefore feel like I'm used and put on and it's the kids that put me in my place.
I more often than not keep my mouth shut to avoid conflict because I don't really feel heard anyway and I'm just expected to be there when needed.
You spend the best years of your life sacrificing for your children then they grow up and move on and you just feel redundant? Am I right in thinking you can understand this feeling? Xx
V29boo, that is EXACTLY how I feel, couldn't put it into words but you have. Was awake a lot last night pondering over stuff and then for every moan about the kids, I then counter it with a reason they are behaving like that because they are probably lying there thinking about me and how I am with them now! Didn't help when I saw on daughter's Facebook last night that she was out with my granddaughter and her new man's Mum and his little daughter all enjoying a lovely girlie afternoon tea....it made me weep. :'(
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STOP looking then >:(. What you don't know won't hurt. She is entitled to build a 'new' Life and it can be hard work trying to fit every one 'in'! Hormonal upheaval is making you feel vulnerable. Taking care of U is important right now.
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CLKD, I totally understand that she is entitled to a 'new life' but what about the family that she's ignoring that are just as important as his and I have to listen to my poor lonely Mum, who helped to bring her up and who she doesn't even give a second thought to? We have been cast aside and I am deeply hurt that as her Mum, she can even try to understand or even be bothered to read up and understand how hard life is for me right now. Ok, now I'll stop moaning. I am not saying this in any derogatory or hurtful way but I am under the impression that you don't have children so can't understand the pain and hurt in this instance, it's like a knife being stuck in you. If I had a supportive husband or even a sibling, it would make it so much more bearable. I am concentrating on me from now on but no doubt they'll all just think it's another one of my 'weird spells' but I am going to have to make myself harder to cope and that's not me at all but I am sick of being the victim, family or no family. We used to be a close knit family but it's all very different and when you're suffering from severe anxiety and struggling to get through each day, it's bloody hard not to feel so let down and alone with all this crap.
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She's young. She is focussing totally on her new life. Of course it hurts. Because you have done the caring until recently. This too will pass. She can't 'feel' what you are going through …….. so no empathy. You are hormonal so extra vulnerable. Because the situation is 'in your face' you probably can't think about much else? so the hurt goes round and round …….. :hug:
Could you write her a brief non-committal note? pointing out the effects of The Change, how much you miss being in contact and how you miss seeing them regularly? Maybe suggest that you have contact one evening a week, i.e. by phone or face-2-face - do you have Skype? The grandchildren need to maintain contact with you, you are probably missed more than you realise! but have to toe the line as it is ………
I am childless by choice.
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Sorry CLKD, I'm being super sensitive today. It will pass. I really don't think the children will miss me at the moment....they've never been encouraged to believe how important grandparents are. I don't think a note will make any difference to be honest. I didn't mean to be personal.
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all Of a sudden I feel that my bladder is too near my eyes
Sorry V29boo but that really made me laugh! And it´s just how I feel sometimes. We are all struggling with our different meno journey. I´m sure you´ll find support here. :hug:
Jane
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JustJules I totally get where your coming from and how it must have hurt you that your daughter was having a lovely day out and you felt neglected and left out.
I've had similar situations yes they have their own lives and it may seem selfish but when we are feeling low and vulnerable feeling like we are rejected pushes us over the edge and I too would have wept my heart goes out to you xx
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Thanks Vboo...was telling my therapist today about everything and she said we lose the rationale side of things when we are so depleted and advised me to sort out my diet via the right nutrients, good fats for brain function and then and only then, tackle what's bothering me and maybe have the conversation with daughter. x
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JustJules -any tips and advice on diet and fats for brain function would be most welcome. I try to follow a healthy diet lots of fruit and veg low fat and drink lots of water along with regular exercise my treat is a glass of wine or two.
Has anyone out there tried any natural supplements I keep reading about things but don't want to spend money if it's a waste of time x
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Depends what you mean about things being 'natural' ::) - digitalis is 'natural'. Have you seen the 'alternative' threads?
Sometimes ladies find alternatives useful until their hormones over-ride any benefits.
Eating a 'healthy' diet can help. Cooking from scratch. Occasional treats. Plenty of fruits and veg.; fresh, dried, frozen ……. fish twice a week, plenty of white meat with occasional steak. Exercise too. Apparently ::)
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Vboo, my therapist says we need fats for our brains to function properly i.e. proper butter, olive oil, rapeseed oil, she says to stay away from all low fat stuff and just eat less quantity of the good ones if you need to watch your weight. Also, look at adrenal fatigue foods....they recommend, grains, pulses on top of good helpings of vegetables and fresh food, no processed. Not rocket science really and the only problem I have at the moment is I have a poor appetite so keep grabbing the sugary rubbish which won't do me any good.
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I have been using a muesli (Liz's) and a small amount fills me up so I don't get that sudden dip.
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CLKD, I find that good too but not enough to keep me on an even keel till mid morning. I really need protein in a morning apparently but can't face it....I can just about get porridge down me and then try something else at around 10:00am.
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Someone suggested that I should have a boiled egg with toast for breakfast :-X
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Does anyone suffer from puffy eyes in the mornings especially? I find now my eyes look constantly tired even though I get lots of sleep. Of course it never helps if the tears start then I just seem to have puffy eyes and face for days.
JustJules....I have only recently started using the real fats is proper butter olive oil spray rather than fry light because there has been so much hype about the low fat stuff being full of rubbishy. So I decided if I want half fat just butter I slice of my bread instead of both for my sandwich or have half a tablespoon of mayo (the real stuff) rather than a full tablespoon of low fat, quite simple really and so much tastier.
Also finding the hormonal headaches are getting worse and yesterday went to a barbecue and had a glass of wine and started with a horrible headache has anyone else found they have had to give up alcohol? And if so have you felt better for it? X
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Yes, I wake up every morning looking like I've been crying buckets! Very annoying as I've always been one of those people who look wide awake from the moment I open my eyes, but now I need a good hour or so before I look normal!
I've never been able to drink alcohol at all, but I've read other forum members saying they've had to give it up.
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Yes Dorothy that's how I feel my eyes were always bright and alive but now like you I need time to look normal😩As we speak I am putting cold spoons on my eyes to reduce puffiness....oh the joys of being a woman x
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Hi.im a new member to..age 53. Been told I'm post menopause.. But only now suffering menopause symptoms. The worst by far is the anxiety..
I read your story and it is EXACTLY how I feel....I'm seeing gp hopefully get some anti depressants... Would try anything right now.. Feel so bad....
:'( :'(
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:bighug: for you Kay and :welcomemm:
Explain that you need medication to ease anxiety as some are geared towards those symptoms. Browse round. Make notes. Some ladies find that keeping a food/mood diary useful.
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Hi Kay Cottee...welcome it's nice to hear from you. I have been to my GP and been given anti depressants I must admit I'm feeling a little better and she did say she could increase the dose if I still wasn't feeling 100% think I will give it another couple weeks see how I feel so it is definitely worth having a chat with your GP. I think I am handling things a bit better over the last week anyway and haven't cried for a few days because I was finding myself crying at the drop of a hat just felt awful and felt everyone was out to get me are you feeling like that too? Xx
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A lot of the bad feelings we get from those closest to us, who we so want to understand us, is as CLKD says, coming from a place of fear. Not only in a selfish way, where we don't want to have to cope with others' problems, but because of projection and reflection where we are reminded of what we may become!
Its one of the main reasons people are so obsessed with how they look today. They hear others' derogatory comments about ageing and they are then thrown into a need to NEVER look old because they believe not looking young and vibrant equals not being wanted. We then repeat the derogatory words about how bad it is for us to look old, someone else hears and the cycle continues. Its a complete media myth that we've all become dragged into - including men these days. No-one actually really cares about us having a few wrinkles or not being slim. We are not models and, unless we are trying to attract one-night stands, then we also aren't simply a sexual being!
Your experience in life and your developed personality, even when you're having anxiety rushes, is so much more interesting and important than a sexy pair of legs.
Its true that not everyone appreciates these facts, but the ones who don't are also suffering and stuck in this false turmoil about how they look and 'appear' (in terms of confidence) and don't want anyone, particularly their own mother, reminding them of what might also change for them. Those who are above this fallacy are the true people to invest your time in at this time because they will appreciate the richness you have to offer.
Vulnerability is a beautiful thing, it takes bravery to be vulnerable, to admit to your weaknesses and your insecurities. We cannot strengthen until we admit and accept our weaknesses. Many young people will not get this, please do not take their ignorance to heart as they will hopefully eventually start to understand - that is their responsibility though. Be true to yourself, not a 'fun front' that doesn't complain and blends in with others so they invite you out, you are so much more than that. Remember, Facebook is one big front and doesn't tell the true story behind the event, just a second captured on camera when everyone was told to smile...
People generally don't mean to be so cruel, they just don't understand and are getting it wrong themselves. You guys are wiser remember and SO much stronger than you think. 8)
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:thankyou: Dangermouse. I felt that how I was feeling was nothing to do with anyone else, the worse thing anyone can do is ask how I am ::). I would have to make a decision ………. :-\
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Dangermouse what a fantastic post ,thank you xc
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Thanks for that piece of wisdom Dangermouse. You are a blessing to this forum. X
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Wow danger mouse---- wonderful post xxx
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Ah thanks all! Glad you can see the truth in it. x