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[DownDillie]

Hi everyone,

Just thought I'd post a brief update - I've been taking HRT for nearly a week now and it's too early to notice any impact. I don't seem to be having any adverse reaction to the Utro - in fact I seem to be sleeping slightly better but this might be co-incidental because I am very tired lately anyway. Need to try to get to bed earlier.

I've been feeling OK all week but today I have what I call my 'heart-anxiety' back where my heart seems to be running fast and I don't just don't feel right. But my mood seems fairly steady  .

Hurdity - a question if you are reading this - I started taking just half the dose of Sandrena every day, as you suggested. How long should I do this for before I move on to taking the full dose, which is 1.0mg?

I am keeping a log of how I feel every day - hopefully it will all start improving over the next few weeks.

[Lizab]

Hello DownDillie! I'm so glad you'll be getting some relief. I don't have the experience to advise you on bumping that dose, but did want to mention something about your mood log. I started my mood log with too many details. Really mine is just a calendar, but I was writing if I felt anxious, sad, fair, very well, headcaches, hotflashes, tired, etc. In looking back it was too much information to decipher what was going on. Plus some days I had multiple moods. I changed to color coded dots on the calendar, blue for an overall bad day (be it depressed, anxious, tired, not myself) or green for an overall good day. I could have a bad moment on a green day but still call it green. I add a red dot if I had hot flashes and an orange dot if I had a headache.  This has made it so much easier for me to see at a glance a pattern and that the hrt is helping overall, especially if I have a bad day where I feel like there are no good days. Sorry for the long explanation. Maybe this is how everyone logs their moods, but it took me a bit to figure how to make it work for me.

[DownDillie]

Sorry for the long explanation. Maybe this is how everyone logs their moods, but it took me a bit to figure how to make it work for me.

Hi Lizab, Thanks so much for the explanation. At the moment I am keeping a spreadsheet with a score out of 10 for various categories - the things that I want to see an improvement in mainly. The higher the overall score the better I am doing. I also keep comments to clarify anything. I will stick with that for now but I like your coloured dots idea very much so I think I will add those in as an overall view of the day.

[DownDillie]

Hi all - been away for a while without proper access to tinternet.

I have now been taking HRT for nearly two weeks and I'm feeling pretty good. It's too early to judge properly and also I've been away from home and all things stressful which is obviously going to affect my mood. Apart from the day of travel (flying anywhere always makes me a bit jittery) I haven't had any heart-panicky-anxiety feelings in the past week.

At the moment I am taking half a Sandrena 1mg gel every day and a 100mg Utro tablet. I don't think the Utro is having too bad an effect on me thus far. I am having digestive problems - very bloated, sore tummy, bowels don't know if they are coming or going, but I am hoping they are temporary side-effects. My tummy feels like an inflated balloon, not nice, living in leggings.

I also have quite sharp pains in my sides, not sure if these are my ovaries complaining or what. I can also get quite sleepy during the day but I know I am often taking the Utro too late at night. Hopefully I can make this earlier, as well as getting to bed earlier, which is part of my overall plan anyway.

Hurdity or anyone who has done this - I am taking half the dose of oestrogen as you suggested but I am unsure when to move on to taking the full dose - can you let me know what you think on this? I will ask this question on the main utro/oestrogel thread if you don't get around to reading this thread  .

Overall I would say it's looking promising so far 

[Hurdity]

Hi Downdillie

I've been on holiday - but I'm surprised none of the gel users have replied to your question? I don't use gel as I probably said but the same principle applies to any form of oestrogen if women are sensitive ie a sudden increase can cause temporary adverse symptoms eg nausea or headache (not sure about other pains etc - may be tender breasts?). We can't advise in your case but if you haven't got any obvious symptoms ( the digestive problems may well be due to the Utrogestan) then why not increase soon? Bloating can be an effect of progestogens particularly and I'm not sure if this settles - only time will tell. I only take it on a cycle and vaginally so I only notice a transient, minor effect of a little bloating.

Let us know how you get on and hope you enjoy(ed) your holiday! I feel exactly the same about flying - that is quite normal

Hurdity x

[V29boo]

Hi DownDillie
I like you have just joined as I don't know how to get some much needed support and very well done for writing it all down it takes courage but you feel so much better for having done it it sure is a brilliant start.
A lot of the things you describe I can so relate to all the examining things from the past all of a sudden and beating ourselves up for decisions we made, a lot of which fill me with regret guilt and make me feel hopeless which impact on the low mood racing heart and anxiety.
Sometimes when my mood is not as low I have to mentally give myself a good talking to telling myself there is nothing there for me in the past it's done and gone so let it go the things I'm obsessing about and keeping alive are only hurting me and if those hurts involve other people those other people are getting on with their lives with no clue as to how we are being affected and hurt which stops us being able to function, so I tell myself to let it go and pitch my tent on a new fresh green piece of grass and start the journey again instead of camping on the old dead ground where the Daisy's don't grow. Easier said than done but I constantly try to tell myself positive things, because when I get in one of my indecisive moods it affects every part of my life I can't even decide what I want to eat, drink or wear it's horrible.
I feel envious of everything and everyone because I get into such a bad place I think everyone is better than me I'm totally worthless and the world is out to get me.
I think just knowing that others feel the same at this stage in our lives where our hormones are off the wall all the physical changes we are going through and the vulnerability it brings, it's just so reassuring to be able to share and get comments back from people who genuinely understand. It's a lifeline😍 I so look forward to getting replies from anyone xx

[DownDillie]

We can't advise in your case but if you haven't got any obvious symptoms ( the digestive problems may well be due to the Utrogestan) then why not increase soon? Bloating can be an effect of progestogens particularly and I'm not sure if this settles - only time will tell. I only take it on a cycle and vaginally so I only notice a transient, minor effect of a little bloating.

Let us know how you get on and hope you enjoy(ed) your holiday! I feel exactly the same about flying - that is quite normal

Hurdity x

Hi Hurdity - thanks so much for your reply and I hope you had a good break as well. I had a lovely relaxing time but of course came home to the same old problems.

Having said that, I had a great day today, felt like my old self, I would almost have called myself bubbly  .

I have not had any headaches or any other side-effects from the oestrogen - I am sure the digestive stuff is the Utro, from what I've read. So I'll increase the Sandrena to one pack of gel a day, half in the morning, half in the evening and see how I get on.

I'll report back in due course.

[DownDillie]

..... so I tell myself to let it go and pitch my tent on a new fresh green piece of grass and start the journey again instead of camping on the old dead ground where the Daisy's don't grow. Easier said than done but I constantly try to tell myself positive things, because when I get in one of my indecisive moods it affects every part of my life I can't even decide what I want to eat, drink or wear it's horrible.
I feel envious of everything and everyone because I get into such a bad place I think everyone is better than me I'm totally worthless and the world is out to get me.
I think just knowing that others feel the same at this stage in our lives where our hormones are off the wall all the physical changes we are going through and the vulnerability it brings, it's just so reassuring to be able to share and get comments back from people who genuinely understand. It's a lifeline😍 I so look forward to getting replies from anyone xx

Hi v29boo - you have summed up beautifully in your post exactly the sorts of things that I have been going through. I like your 'pitch your tent'  bit, that makes sense and it's a good analogy. Thing is, that when we are feeling relatively upbeat, we can rationalise our way through these thoughts but when it's a really down day, nothing works, absolutely nothing works. It's a matter of waiting for the horrible feelings to go away and trying to do something useful in the meantime - I find manual work such as weeding, or else going for a long arduous walk, are the best things.

I see you've started your own thread, which is a good idea, keep on posting because everyone on here has such valuable advice.

What I will say is that since starting HRT I have not had any of those terrible down days. Co-incidence maybe, or perhaps a combination of other factors such as confiding in close friends, but something is working!

[V29boo]

Hi DownDillie -  your so right about doing a bit of manual work to ease us through the tough times as it would be so easy to curl up under the duvet. I walk a lot and have started a bit of running I'm not great but I'm trying and it helps. It's good to hear the HRT seems to be working, I already feel better having joined this forum I feel I have support and people who understand ❤️

[DownDillie]

Hi everyone 

Thought I'd post an update. I have now been taking HRT for over 5 weeks. During the 3-day break from Utrogestan I didn't have a bleed. But I found that during those three days I felt very anxious again, pounding heart etc.

For the past week or so, I've been experimenting with the timing of the Sandrena gel. Tried taking the 1mg in the morning - I slept much better doing this but felt VERY stressed and anxious all day. Similar results with taking half in the evening, half in the morning. For now I have decided to stop messing about and stick to the same routine until the initial 3 months is up. Which is taking the Utro and Sandrena at night before bed.

I had a spell of feeling much better but I'm feeling quite rubbish again for the past few days. I have what I call 'heart-anxiety'  where I feel wound up and stressed for no particular reason. I'm also very tired from poor sleep. I have the whole family at home for the summer and the kids (now all adults) are lounging about the house all day and seemingly expecting me to rustle up dinner when I get home from work. I know I need to tackle all this but I haven't the energy.

The longing to just run away has returned. I want to stop worrying about and caring for everyone else and just look after me. I know that sounds dreadfully selfish but that's how I feel at the moment.

Hopefully, given a few more weeks, I will begin to feel much better and come out of this whole ordeal stronger  .

[Mardy]

Hi there - I could have written your initial post on here.

I am in the same boat, but am waiting an appointment with a physciatrist & a pyschologist. I am feeling better since taking St John's Wort & finding this site & realising that others are feeling similar, so I'm not alone, but I still feel very low & am just walking through a haze of self doubt, depression & totally not knowing where I'm going.

Please keep us updated as I would love to know how you get on with the medications.

[CLKD]

It isn't selfish at all.  If you had 'flu, headache, bad back would you keep running round after others 

Do you keep a diary of mood/food/symptoms, sorry I can't remember 

[Mandz]

Hi downdillie

Just a little suggestion, why don't you ask your kids to take turn about making evening meals? They can then decide what they want to make and you come home to a cooked meal! And whoever made the best meal, presentation, tidying up chooses a takeaway one evening- or something along those lines, a bit like "come dine with me" ... Just an idea and bit of fun

Hugs mxxx

[DownDillie]

Thanks for the replies everyone.

I've not had a good week and I've had a bad day today in particular. Feeling very low and a bit spaced out and very anxious. I'm not totally sure why.

CLKD - I am keeping a sort of scorecard of how I am feeling so I can keep track of things. It's been variable so far. Some things improved straight away - I haven't had a hot flush for ages and almost no night sweats. This is good but they were never the reason I decided to take HRT. It was always the moods, the anxiety, the feelings of despair. I think they have improved but I'm still having bad days. I am hoping though that things will improve.

Mardy, I know exactly how you are feeling. It's probably scant consolation but at least you are not alone and there are many of us it seems going through the same sorts of things. You have summed it up well as 'self doubt, depression & totally not knowing where I'm going'. I have the need to escape, I would really like to go somewhere, anywhere for a while. Which is a shame because this is the last summer that all the children will spend at home, they will be off doing their own thing after this

Mandz, the children do sometimes make an evening meal but not in any kind of organised way and they will avoid it if they can and so does OH. I just don't want to bothered with it, I'd be happy to just have a slice of toast  .

We'll see, I'm feeling so low today that I can't really think straight, am going to get an early night for a change. I haven't really put into practice my plans for more sleep, more exercise etc. Not good.

[CLKD]

Delegate.  Or tell your OH that he will be taking you all to a very posh restaurant every evening unless and that doesn't include McDonalds!

Maybe all of you should do a batch of cooking for the freezer so that on evenings when you are tired, there's stuff ready to microwave.  Or how about 'wiltshire farm foods'-type of delivery service ?