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[DownDillie]

Hi all - I've recently joined the forum though have been browsing the site for a week or two now - before that I didn't know it existed - what a find it's been!

I am 52 and I think I would be classed as post-menopause - haven't had a period for over 3 years. However I haven't had a recent blood test. Up until recently, I've been coping pretty well with mostly physical symptoms such as hot flushes, poor sleep pattern etc. It comes and goes as well, I can have weeks where nothing happens at all.

My problem more recently is low moods - not just low moods but really really low moods. I don't know how to handle these. My heart starts racing, I start pacing up and down and I feel like there is a fist clenching my chest hard. I anxiously and restlessly review all my mistakes since I was about 16 - there are loads - and reach the conclusion that all my decisions are rubbish, I am a bad mother, a terrible wife, and a pretty poor daughter/sister. I am weak pathetic person. To be honest, these conclusions are not unfair, I feel I have been sleep-walking through life not properly considering anything and failing to make decisions when I should.

Sometimes, I am driving home from work and the feeling just gets heavier and heavier. I am tempted to turn the car around and head for the motorway and just drive anywhere at all, so I can be alone. The clenched fist in my chest just gets tighter and tighter. I feel I want to run away from everyone, including my children who are now all adults but mostly at home, even though I love them unconditionally.

Before the menopause, I was occasionally given to low moods but nothing like this. I've always been indecisive but now I examine every decision, however trivial, both before and after it's made and berate myself if I think it was the wrong one. I worry excessively about things that don't really matter at all.

I think the retrospection is the worst part though. This can be kicked off by a photo or by reading a comment I've made years ago or just remembering something. I then launch myself into the self-flagellation process described above.

I am not sure if these problems are due to the menopause or due to my life situation. I have been unhappy in my marriage for many years but have never been able to bring myself to end it, upsetting the whole family in the process. I know I need to do something about it, for my own sanity, and I think this whole situation is part of my problem.

But I don't know, because these incredibly low moods are new and very painful.

I have booked an appointment with my GP and will discuss it with her. But I don't really know what to discuss. Do I explain everything I've just said above (I will end up crying, as I am now). Do I ask for blood tests and recommendations for HRT, which so far I've not considered? It would be so nice to feel 'normal' again and so nice to get an unbroken night's sleep. It would be nice to just be able to think straight again without heading off down the corridor-of-doom each time.

Many thanks to anyone has read all this and can offer any advice. I feel better just having written it down.

xx

[Halfpint]

Hi DownDillie,
I'm fairly new to the forum myself but have found it very helpful and interesting. I tend to type my problem into the search engine and it brings up lots of threads on that subject.
I suffer with anxiety, so there are lots of threads about anxiety (people suffering from the racing heart like yourself) and lots of threads on low moods.
I can sympathise with the low moods as experiencing that myself. Just awful it is and like you say, worrying over things and I too feel like 'running away'!
I'm in peri menopause but I understand menopause is when you haven't had a period for one year but I have read lots on here about people still suffering after the menopause. A lot of the women take HRT and I'm sure someone will be along to advise you on that.
If I was you, I would print off what you just typed on here and hand it to your Dr to read if you feel saying it out loud will make you emotional. I notice a lot of the ladies on here are prescribed anti depressants etc, so hopefully your Dr will advise the best course of action for you.
Hope you feel some relief soon.

[Mandz]

Hi, just want to welcome you

Firstly I just want to send you a massive hug and that I totally understand all the feelings you describe except the no sleeping, I'm totally opp, I could sleep 24/7 and still feel I hadn't slept

I suggest you be totally honest with your gp, if you can't, print off what you've just typed (or write it down) and give it to her

Just keep posting, this forum has been a life-line to me and such a help! You will get loads of support and excellent advice

M x

[babyjane]

You poor soul, I am so glad you found the forum as now things needn't seem so bleak.  Just sharing how you are feeling and hearing others say they understand helps so much.

I have been through marriage problems myself when our children were younger (now all grown with families of their own).  I can remember driving and wondering how it would be to drive into a brick wall.

We got help and survived and moved on and we will have been married 40 years this year but it was horrible at the time.

I take anti depressants and am having therapy now for things that happened when I was very small, things that I didn't even know mattered.  It is making a lot of difference and I am hoping my 60s will give me back years that I have lost with a new quality of life.

Browse round and don't be shy, just join in wherever you want to.  It's good to have you here 

[dazned]

  

Glad you found us ,you seem to have a few issues to tackle on your plate,you have already started to identify some of them yourself. Maybe the gp can get you some cbt to start with. Have you thought of marriage guidance ? Hope you find some peace of mind soon.

[Lizab]

Hi, DownDillie. Welcome! If you read around, you'll see you're in good company here. Although we each have a different life story, it seems like many of us struggle with feelings of anxiety or depression or plain old getting stuck in our own thoughts with doom and gloom. I think enough of us are experiencing this for the first time in our lives, that it's no coincidence and it must relate to our physical changes. Do talk to your gp. You could mention hrt, but as others said, therapy and/or antidepressants may  be a good options too. Keep us posted as to what your gp suggests and how you come along. It's always nice to see what worked for somebody.

[Mary G]

Downdillie, welcome to MM!

I'm sorry you have been feeling so down, I know it's not easy when you have relationship problems and all the other stresses of life.

You are obviously feeling depressed and anxious about your situation but that does not mean you are suffering with a depressive illness.  I don't suffer from depression but apparently there is "I'm depressed but I don't know why" and "I'm depressed and I could write a book about why" which are two different things, I think.  However, I stand to be corrected by others on here. 

Firstly, if you haven't had a period for that length of time then you are post menopause.  My advice would be to start on a low dose HRT and see if you feel better after a few months.  If you feel better in yourself but are still depressed about your circumstances but can cope then job done but if not then you might need an AD as well.  Lots of members are on both and do very well. 

If you feel down and suffer with low moods, I would suggest you steer clear of synthetic hormones as much as you can and would recommend you ask for bio identical Oestrogen gel (1 pump everyday) and Utrogestan for a few days each month which is a micronised progesterone that has fewer side effects than the synthetic variety.  This does mean having periods again but I fear you could struggle with a continuous combined form of HRT because they contain synthetic progesterone which is notorious for causing low moods.

I hope your GP will agree to your trying HRT, I really think it could help as a first port of call before trying ADs. 

 

[snakebite495]

Hi i also new here and yes it is helping loads. i also tap into a site called no more panic because i suffer with anxiety and that also helps.. Hope this site will help you:)

[DownDillie]

Thanks everyone for the welcome and the advice. I'm so glad I found this place because up until now it's been hard to find anywhere that has any real experiences and real advice.

I need to read up a bit more about HRT. It's interesting what Mary G has said about synthetic hormones. I don't want to take anything that would cause more low moods. That's precisely what I want to cure. I will see what the GP recommends and take it from there - meanwhile I will do a lot more reading up online.

I will also take a look at the nomorepanic website - I've googled things like 'help me get out of my low mood' so many times in the last few months but never managed to find anything that was able to help. I've also downloaded some self-help books on my kindle - ones that are designed to help you manage your emotions. But I can't help thinking the problem is more physical than psychological. Or at least the physical problems are exacerbating the situation.

I will also have a bigger rummage through these forums because reading about everyone's experiences is so valuable  .

[Oon]

Hello there. I'm new too 

I think HRT could  be just what you need to help you feel a bit more like yourself, and then I expect everything else will be easier to deal with too.

I expect many of us will recognise a tendency to be self critical - it can be a difficult habit to break. I've just read a book called A Fearless Heart by Thupten Jinpa which is about compassion. I've found it really enlightening and it might be worth a look. I guess I'm saying I think you should  be  kinder to yourself.  You're here, you have lot  going on and its tough. Sending love and light. X

[DownDillie]

Thanksa Oon so much for your kind words of support.

I've been fine for a little while but now have hit rock-bottom again. I went to see the GP last week and she really didn't help much, even though she is around the same age as me. I'm not sure I handled it all very well, as I got upset.

I know my situation is complicated. It's not just the menopause, it's marriage problems as well. And my husband has a 'drink problem' (always has). I think I am coming to a crossroads in my life where I need to make some decisions. But I also think that the crippling low moods are physical primarily.

Today was awful. I had that vice-grip around my heart, my bowels turned to water, I have a raging thirst and my mood was so low I had no idea what to do. Lots of pacing and heavy sighing, guilty feelings, shame, despair. I was out in the garden, potting up my seedlings - this is normally one of my favourite activities which brings me such contentment - the garden was warm and sunny with lots of plants coming up. Today, I had to fight back tears and at one point, on my way to the tip in the car, I let out a howl because I had to somehow release the tension.

When I saw the GP, we discussed (briefly) some of the issues and I think she reached the conclusion that it's my marital woes that are the problem. They *are* a problem but they have been for a long long time. She suggested anti-depressants which I am not keen to try as an initial step. I asked her about counselling and she gave me a self-referral form for talking therapies locally. She said they don't do blood tests for oestrogen levels etc because there's no point - I am post-menopausal. I asked about HRT - she seemed to think that roughly 4-years post-last-period was a bit late to be starting. I asked her what sort of HRT she would prescribe if I wanted it and she 'I don't know, it's been so long since I've prescribed any'.

So not very encouraging.

After today, I think I need to try something. I think I am best to choose a different GP in the practice, be better prepared this time and ask for their recommendations.

Any suggestions or advice welcome.

[Kathleen]

Hello DownDillie.


A lot of what you say resonates with me and we share some experiences as I've often yelled or cried to release the tension.

I wanted to add that I hadn't had a period for three years and was soldiering on when the really intense anxiety started. I felt a severe and constant shaking sensation in my chest/stomach which  would last all day but miraculously disappear about 9 pm only to resume the next day. One lady on the forum described it as if she‘d  swallowed a large vibrating phone. I struggled on like this for 6 months before going to my GP and starting HRT. Two weeks later the vibrating stopped and although I still have anxiety issues I haven't experienced anything so extreme since. Coincidentally my GP was also of the belief that the worst is always over after 3 period free years but he accepted that this is not the case for everyone.

I hope you can get the proper treatment as feeling  better will allow you to make the right decisions in the future.

Wishing you well and take care.

K.

[Clovie]

Hello Downdillie

Aw, you sound like you're really suffering right now, with big decisions to make on top of your symptoms.

If it's any consolation I have a positive story to share - I can understand fully your feelings of regret etc, I've been there myself. A few months ago I felt myself slipping down and down into a black hole of paranoia, regret, self hate (I hated everyone else too!  ) I found little things immensely irritating, I couldn't sleep, I was causing rows with my hubby. I was a mess. 
I'm your age, and had been on one type of HRT which was obviously not helping any more, I recognised the symptoms as a pretty SEVERE version of PMS, which pretty much didn't let up  .
Anyway, I finally threw myself at the mercy of my GP - and long story short, here I sit now, feeling about 90% better!!!! 
I changed my HRT, I was lacking oestrogen, I now use fully bio-identical hormone replacement  plus a low dose of sleeping meds and I have found a solution to my hormonal imbalance and now my mood is just fine!!

There is light at the end of the tunnel DownDillie, you've been going through the mill, and you need time to gently get back to 'you' as far as possible anyway!  and if was me I would consider holding off making any huge decisions about your future until such time as you can get your hormonal imbalance put right. Hang in there! 

This forum is great. Its been a great source of support for lots of us on here.
I wish you the best of luck! x

[CLKD]

Don't know how I missed sending you a  : not all my 'show unread posts' show up!

Make a list of your symptoms.  Browse round here, make notes.  Check on your local GP Surgeries to see if any Doctors have specific interest in female problems.  If necessary, change surgeries ;-).

Maybe Bgin a separate thread in Private area about your husband's drinking? 

[Lizab]

DownDillie, one of the most shocking things for me in dealing with menopause is my inability to handle stress like I could before. I've always had a stressful life, been a hardworker, overworked, lacking security financially, emotionally, etc. I had had mostly mild meno symptoms for awhile, but I suddenly couldn't handle any stress at all. The odd part was that my life was more secure in every possible way than it ever has been since I was a child. So, while I'm sure whatever is going on in your life could be a factor, for me it was the difference in my ability to cope that made me decide to seek help. Luckily, my doctor did ask about stress, but determined there was nothing new or unusual in my life to cause these feelings. Since starting on hrt, things have improved exponentially. I still have a lower tolerance for stress, which I hope with time will improve. I would consider seeking another doctor if your gp won't entertain hrt and doesn't even give a real reason not to try.