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[Somerset Woman]

I've been browsing here for a few weeks and am finally taking the plunge and saying hello to you all. 

I'm 48, think I've been peri for a couple of years.  I have a long history of depression on and off and came off my latest AD meds in December 2013.  Was OK for a good few months but have been declining all summer to the point where I went to my (excellent older female) GP a while ago and picked up my Elleste script.  I'm almost at the end of the oestrogen phase and do feel a bit better - not as hot and sleeping less badly.  But I'm horribly sad and weepy, getting angry and paranoid with my poor partner and feeling really quite insecure and desperate at times. 

I think my take on the hormone fluctuations and their effect on our emotional worlds is that hormonal imbalance strips layers from us and reduces or even removes our emotional resilience.  Situations that, while hard to bear, we'd have managed previously now floor us and we can't cope.  Does this resonate with anyone else?  Or do you think it's all down to hormones alone?  I've got a lot on my plate at work and in my relationship and from my family history which I'm still working through.  But the hormonal depletion has seemed to be the last straw for me and I'm not coping well with any of it.  I'm going back into therapy again next week as a result.  I hope that, once the HRT kicks in properly, I'll feel stronger again and less like I'm losing my mind.  I'm frankly surprised that not more peri/menopausal women aren't sectioned/make attempts on their lives.  I know I've felt myself to be in that realm recently.  It's incredibly distressing.  And it's surely not just me.  Is it?

I'm looking here for support, suggestions and the benefit of others' experience.  I really, really don't want to go back on the ADs; I have terrible insomnia with them and I'm not really "me" when I take them (although, at the moment, being me is awful.  I really am hoping that will change with the HRT.).

Looking forward to reading your replies.  Thanks x

[Dancinggirl]

Hi and welcome Somerset Woman
Many of us can relate to everything you have said. I'm pleased to hear you are getting some relief from the meno symptoms.  Anxiety can be helped with HRT and hopefully you will find this works for you.  The HRT you have been given has got one of the slightly more problematic progesterones - it may suit you -  but with your history I would have gone for Femoston as this has progesterone that is kinder and well tolerated by many.  There are many HRTs to try - do read up all the info under the headings to the left of this screen.
If you find the progesterone part of Elleste does not suit you then I'd ask for Femoston.  It's worth giving each HRT type 3 months to see if things settle down.  Do remember you are protecting your heart and bones while taking HRT.
Keep posting.  Good luck  Dg x

[Somerset Woman]

Thanks DG, that's really helpful to know.  Might the Elleste progesterone make my depressive symptoms worse, then?  Hoping it won't be too hideous at first at least as am going on hols next week and will just have begun the prog phase then.  Ugh. x

[Dancinggirl]

Everyone is different.  You may get a bit of PMT towards the end or just after the progesterone bit but this is quite normal on most progesterones. Some women actually feel better on the progesterone bit.  Enjoy your holiday - some R&R maybe be just what you need to lift your mood.  Dg x

[nelliedee]

Hi and welcome
Your post could have been written by me, word for word. I am trying to get thru this horrid phase without hrt as I am not able to take it. 2 years ago I hit a low that I didnt know existed, If there was a pill to end it all I really think I would have taken it. I was given AD'S but after 2 days I had to stop them. Ever since that day I have fought my journey by learning using self help books, a little bit of private counselling, a week of diazipam and a few months of propanolol. I had and have no reason whatsoever to have these depressive episodes as I have a fab family and husband, no money worries and great friends. I do not have anything lurking in my past that could contribute and so I know its 100% hormones. You are among very good company on this site as they are a super bunch xxx

[Somerset Woman]

Thank you, Everyone's Mum!  It's such a comfort to know it's not just me - I'm sure a lot of people say that here.  I am resolved to keep going with the HRT.  It must be incredibly hard doing this without any chemical assistance.  You have my wholehearted admiration.  I'm very glad I found this place where I can just say it how it is for me and no-one's going to judge me.

DG, I really hope you're right about some R&R.  It's hard to keep the faith in the positive things when you feel so awful and paranoid and mistrust your own judgement.  Just got to keep going.

Thank you, thank you xxx

[Dancinggirl]

It is very hard for anyone who hasn't experienced the horrors of depression and anxiety to understand but so many of us on here have experienced this or are still going through it.
Have you had CBT or tried Mindful Meditation?  My GP recommended 'Mindfulness' by Mark Williams and Danny Penman - it has certainly helped me to control some of my darker moments.
Deep breaths, unclench those shoulders and hands, don't beat yourself up over every little thing, take each day one by one - smile as much as you can - watch funny films, read funny books and enjoy all that lovely sleep your going to get as the HRT works it's magic.
Enjoy your holiday.  DG x

[marras]

Hi Somerset Woman, know exactly how you feel. I'm 64 and still suffering. Like Everyones Mum, I can't take HRT. Still flushing, mood swings, loads of aches and pains, insomnia and feel like a dried up old bag, Have constant backache as I have a degenerative spine and have been told today that I have macular degeneration. I feel like I am slowly decomposing and absolutely hate myself. I don't drink, don't smoke, stay slim, do loads of exercise and have low blood pressure. Rant over!

[Somerset Woman]

Gosh Marras, if I were you, I'd have ranted for much longer than that!  You have so much to deal with.  I really feel for you; so many changes and shocks to deal with.  I hope you have some good people around you for support as well as all the lovely people here.

DG, I do practice mindfulness when I remember but I'm not a fan of CBT.  Good ideas re reading/watching funny stuff.  I'll do that this weekend - thank you.  Loving the idea of magic pills!

xx

[Hurdity]

Hi Somerset Woman

  I don't live far from you - I'm in Devon near the Somerset border.

I completely agree with you re the emotional resilience. Most women with hormonal cycles within normal range can cope with the ups and downs of much of what life throws at them (within reason). Some women with extreme hormonal fluctuations or severe progesterone intolerance, suffer throughout their fertile lives with severe PMS which in some cases is extreme.  Some of these women also suffer from post-natal depression. Others only experience these feelings for the first time when hormones fluctuate dramatically during peri-menopause.

Have you read the article on this webiste "The Perils of the Perimenopause" which explains what's happening? http://www.menopausematters.co.uk/article-perils-of-the-perimenopause.php

Also Prof John Studd - a reserach and practising gynaecologist, has a lot to say on hormones and depression which you might find helpful. I suggest you go to his website and follow the link - when you click on a topic on the left menu a sub-menu appears on the right hand side with lots of information. http://www.studd.co.uk/

Also it can take longer than a month for emotional issues to improve or stabilise - it's the physical symptoms which usually settle first - so you may need to be patient. I hope the HRT agrees with you but as Dancinggirl says there are many other types so there will be one that suits you if this one isn's quite right.

Hurdity x

[Somerset Woman]

Hurdity, thank you for your signposting esp to the Prof Studd site - really, really interesting reading and plenty of ammunition should I need to go back to my GP.  It's appalling that so many of us suffer yet no-one warns us about peri/menopause and so many are wrongly medicated.  We are half the population for goodness' sake!

I'm at the other end of the county from you - near the Wiltshire border - still, not that far.

xx

[Kathleen]

Hello Somerset Woman and welcome to the forum.

I just wanted to add that I know how you and the other ladies feel as I'm in the same boat myself. I'm almost 58, post menopausal and using HRT patches but still struggling.
For some of us this is a difficult time in our lives and we need all the help we can get.

Wishing you well.

K.

[Mandy H]

Hi Somerset Woman

I too am new to this Forum.  I wouldn't wish depression/anxiety on anyone but it does help to know we are not alone and there is support from others suffering.

I've just started HRT patches, but I did read that low magnesium/zinc levels can play a part in low mood. Apparently Magnesium Taurate is supposed to be a well tolerated type, ive just ordered some!  My GP (male!) simply dismisses hormones/dietary supplements and thinks AD's alone are the answer. 

I'm sure we will gain lots of useful information and support from other members.

[babyjane]

Hello Somerset Woman and Mandy H. Welcome to the forum from another newbie still finding my way around. It seems really nice and friendly and helpful here.