It is nearly 3 weeks since I gave up smoking (after many, many years).
I am on patches to help with the cravings but they are getting less frequent. The worse time is first thing in the morning & after eating my main meal.
80% is down to willpower. I would not have attempted giving up if it hadn't been for 3 events that occured in the last 2 years.
Event number 1: My brother being diagnosed with throat cancer 2 & 1/2 years ago. He had given up smoking 10 years before but it still got him. After succesful major surgery, chemo & radiotherapy he is now doing ok (although he has a weak voice which he hates). Now why didn't that event jolt me into giving up smoking??? god knows. All I know was that I was so shocked by it all that it sent me into a downward spiral of stress & anxiety. My menopause seemed to stop me from doing anything that could put my life under more stress (which I know giving up would) - so I buried my head in the sand & carried on smoking.
Event number 2: :'(Being made redundant last summer after working for 8 years with the same company. This was a big shock & knocked my confidence terribly. I felt useless & vulnerabe to everything. I felt I had no control over anything in my life. In fact I felt under so much pressure & stress that at one stage I was afraid to go out & I really had to push myself somedays. I was eventually put onto beta blockers which helped somewhat. I eventually got a tempory job for 6 months but that ended in July this year, & I'm still unemployed. During this time I was also referred to a therapist for councelling (it was either I agree to that or the doctor giving me anti-depressants). All in all a very low point in my meno life, & once again I buried my head in the sand.
Event number 3: In April of this year I developed a husky voice which finally got so bad that I was referred to an E.N.T. specialist. I was imagining the worse case scenario...throat cancer like my BB. A camera was put up my nose & a polyp on my larynx/voice box was diagnosed. I was told that it was nothing more serious but it would have to be removed. I was told that it was caused by smoking & that I should consider it as a warning... but still I couldn't give up the old weed. It was almost 10 weeks after the initial consultation with the specialist that I finally got admitted to hospital to have it removed. Not a major op but I did have to stay in overnight. As I lay there in my hospital bed I thought to myself "blimey I don't have a craving for a fag, bet I will when I get home though", but I didn't. I knew if I lit up it would burn my throat. I went 4 whole days without one but on the 5th morning I was going mad for one.... but I didn't. The next day I went to see the nurse at my docs & she put me on a course of nicotene replacement patches. They are not brilliant but they are helping.
Now in the last 2 & 1/2 weeks I have felt 100% better
. I have not felt the need for my beta blockers & have not taken any for over a week. I have not had the constant diarrhoea that I have been suffering for the last 6 months plus. I wake up with a lot more energy then I have had for years, & I have energy to get more things done in the day, & I saw my therapist yesterday & she has signed me off saying I have definately turned a corner.
So I am now thinking what are the + & what are the -
. Well I clearly know what the + are as I have stated above - but what about the -.
Well I use to eat tomatoes like sweets. I loved munching away on them, but now they taste horrible almost acidy.
I am eating like it is going out of fashion. I never used to fancy chocolate or biscuits (hardly ever had them in the house) so why is my fridge now stacked with penguin chocolate biscuits, & my freezer with choc ice's.
I was hoping that my memory might improve but alas no. I wrote a small shopping list out on Sunday evening. I wrote down bin liners. Now when I wrote it I knew I meant dustbin liners but when I went to the supermarket on Monday what did I get??? bloody pedal bin liners, I now have stacks of the blooming things & hardly any dustbin liners.
I have come to the conclusion that giving up smoking is the best thing I have done in years. Yes I wish I had done it years ago but I know that the menopause got in the way as there was so much worry going on in my life, what with trying to hold down a full time job & ongoing health issues
etc etc.
I'm really hoping that this is a turning point in my life. I would hate to think that I could slip back down the hole again & I know I have to stay positive. I have said that it would take a major tragedy to get me started again - but at the moment I am taking one day at a time.
I'm just hoping that this post (as long as it is) may just help someone else who has been a smoker for as long as I have to follow my lead. It is so hard for non smokers to understand the hold that nicotene has, & how addictive it is. I do still miss that feeling you get from the first drag - but I know that if I tried it now I would probably feel very sick & light headed.
Love Cazi xx