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[debbyx]

Hi


Is any body else that is like me and suffering badly with Anxiety and panic getting worked up over Christmas,    I was doing so well and had a good few weeks where I was managing and it felt so good to be a little bit back to me again.

But as it’s getting nearer I am not coping friends and family will be popping in and I just can not do it.  I am panicking every day its so horrible I am going to let everyone down. 

[CLKD]

So don't do it.  U will not be letting any1 down, it's how we were raised! Mum would say that once I had agreed to do something, see someone, go places that I 'would be letting people down if you don't go'. 

Nope. Not any more. If people can't get on with their life without me then tuff.  Not my problem.

I can't remember whether U take anything for anxiety, if not I would tell your family that U would rather have a quiet time.  U don't have 2 justify yourself though families are great for putting guilt our way.  Tell them now that U have a sore throat and itchy eyes ;-).  That rather than spreading a Germ U will call off now .......... ?? what would their reactions be ??

Usually by the time 'it' arrives I've resigned myself as well as taking enough drugs to sink a ship.  For 40 years we travelled a 5/6 hours car journey to spend 3 days with family; they all lived in one county so a. lot of getting in/out of the car, sleeping in strange beds with strange house noises  . Now we don't.

[DottyD68]

Hi debbyx,

Sorry to hear you are feeling this way. If it helps I too have found the Christmas madness increasingly more difficult to manage over the past few years, so I started to develop some techniques to deal with it better whilst still enjoying the magic of Christmas.

I'm generally quite organised and buy presents over the year when I see things I think people would like, rather than just for the sake of it, or in the sales. It spreads the cost and also means there is no pressure to go Christmas shopping at the busiest time of the year as I have developed a disliking of crowds.

My main issue is the number of requests to "catch up" with people who haven't been that bothered for the past 11 months. It feels like a tick list. So I make sure I schedule things in over the month, spaced-out, with some of them, then tell the others I'd prefer to leave it til the new year when it's not so busy. Unsurprisingly most people seem happy with the "in the new year" suggestion. My social battery can't take endless back-to-back events.

I can no longer tolerate the noise and crowding in cafes and restaurants, generally, where you end up shouting just to have a conversation, let alone in December when everyone is "catching up". It is sensory-overload madness.

I've also learnt to keep my diary as free as possible in the last few days running up to Christmas Day as we generally get a few last-minute, dis-organised drops-ins who I really do love to see, but it then means I don't feel rushed or compromise my own plans.

Some of this stuff maybe too late this year or not possible for you but just some ideas. I suppose I try to remain as much in control of Christmas as possible, with the expectation that there will be a few curve balls that I have to deal with when they arise.

I hope you manage to have a peaceful Christmas and look after yourself. X

[CLKD]

That's great DottyD68 ....... I found that once I said 'no' enough, people backed off ;-) and we have a 'I must check my diary so that DH and I don't clash' works too. 

[DottyD68]

Thanks CLKD.

It's a balancing act because I like these people in my life, just not all at once 
Christmas/December just feels like such an intense period of time and so many social pressures.

[sheila99]

There is a different option for another year, book yourself a fortnight in the sun and return in January when it's all over (says me sitting in the airport now on my way home 😕)

[DottyD68]

That is a great option Sheila99. We went through a phase of going away in December (which nicely avoided all the Christmas pressure with the bonus winter sunshine).

[debbyx]

Thanks, ladies, but unfortunately, I have not left the house for months because the anxiety and panic has crippled me. I know that my family and friends just don’t get it and just won’t understand. I’ve even told my husband to go to the pun on Christmas Day and have his dinner there because Some days I’m not even capable of cooking a dinner as the anxiety  is so bad why would somebody want to spend the day with somebody is useless as I am at the moment?

[DottyD68]

Sorry Debbyx, I misunderstood your post and thought this was related specifically to Christmas. I didn't realise it had been going on for months. Have you spoken to your GP about your anxiety?

[debbyx]

Good Morning Ladies.

I am not really getting any better.  Christmas was a nightmare and just cried my way through the week, I really can’t do this anymore yesterday was a good day not much anxiety than wham at 3pm I felt weak and like I was going to faint I then automatically panic I just hate this life ,  I have now woken up and crying all ready as I just can not struggle though another day. 

One new symptom that has arrived is my legs at the top feel damp Like my clothes are sticking to me but when I check my clothes and legs are dry. Has any one else had this.   Is this part of my anxiety or is this a menopause symptom. 

I rang the doctor yesterday as I can not go on like this any more they were very unhelpful the on call doctor called me and said not sure what else we can do it’s your anxiety!!!!   

I have bloods booked in for end of month
To see if my B12 and Vit D have gone up as they were very low.  I was then going to decide if I was going to go on AD or HRT or both.   I was hoping my issues were because of the deficiencies but I don’t think they are. 

I feel so alone my husband is never here as he can’t cope with me he says. I am also a carer to my daughter who has severe mental Heath issues and don’t leave her bed.  I live in Oxford and there is just no help here .

I haven’t left the house for 3 years as my daughter will not stay on her own and she is scared of people coming into the house which makes it very lonely for me

She is on waiting list after waiting list but still no help . 

I think my anxiety is caused by lack of help with my daughter  and I just can not cope any more then the menopause came along and made every thing 10 times worse.

I also run my own business from home which I am struggling with at the moment.


Sorry for the long rant but I just need a friend right now.

My business colleagues don’t know I am struggling but my sister and best friend does but neither had menopause issues so don’t really understand .

[CLKD]

What do U take specifically for anxiety?

[debbyx]

Hi


I don’t take Any thing. 

I had Valium for if and when but stopped taking them weeks ago. 

[Eliphanty]

Hi debbyx
I too have anxiety and can identify with what you are saying. Your situation sounds very lonely and I’m not surprised that you are struggling to manage your anxiety. I probably can’t offer a solution but I can offer a friendly ear. I’ve found that talking about my anxiety does help to quieten it down. I think you can only truly understand what someone is going through if you have been through similar yourself. Please don’t give up hope - things can get better but it sounds like you really need some help ❤️

[dangermouse]

So sorry you’re struggling so much and, yes, pills are likely not the answer.

Can you afford to get private help for your daughter through online appointments? They could also help you, or perhaps Family Therapy to include you and your husband, so that you all understand what each other is feeling and fearing.

If he isn’t up for it then just you and your daughter could do it, at least to start with. She will have developed some phobias and is clearly avoiding the world which then makes her imagination more vivid with fear as she no longer has real life situations to rationalise how she’s feeling - so it’s all over dramatised in her mind and she is, no doubt, petrified of change.

You will have picked up some of this yourself and your husband’s own coping mechanism sounds like avoiding home. You’re all in the same boat though and if you get someone who you can feel a rapport with online then it would help you to support each other.

Menopause will be throwing you out stress hormones and it will get better in time or you could try HRT to see if it helps.