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[CLKD]

A few years ago there was a thread very similar to yours - some men simply don't understand how changeable hormones can affect women; some think that the partner is with-holding their 'rights' so get abusive and threatening ............

I hope that U have a Plan to counteract any of this 'ideas' whilst U R away 

[bombsh3ll]

What an absolute cretin!

First of all nobody "needs" to have penetrative intercourse - I have vaginal stenosis so this is anatomically impossible for me, and my husband wouldn't dream of being so crass and self centered or expecting to use any other orifice that I am not comfortable with.

Secondly what if he had a medical condition that left him unable to have intercourse either at all or without significant discomfort? Would he expect the same behaviour from you?

I'm sorry but I would be telling him exactly where he could stick his knob, and it wouldn't be anywhere near me. I believe unreasonable sexual demands are a legitimate grounds for divorce in their own right especially if persistent, and certainly the disrespectful and entitled way in which he is making these is medieval and completely unacceptable.

[jaypo]

It is maybe hard to read all our posts but we are outside the bubble looking in,when you are INSIDE the bubble,you sometimes can’t see what’s right in front of you. What he is doing is mental AND physical abuse,no ifs or buts

[Banjo1973]

Hi Garnet,

I am so sorry you are going through this. Please can you Google 'consent fries'. The sex you have been enduring is not consensual, it is rape.

You sound like a wonderful person, so kind and caring - please can you show this compassion towards yourself?

As others have suggested, get in touch with a domestic abuse charity and explore all the options.

Please take care and let us know how you are getting on.

Sending love xxx

[Jules]

It is maybe hard to read all our posts but we are outside the bubble looking in,when you are INSIDE the bubble,you sometimes can’t see what’s right in front of you. What he is doing is mental AND physical abuse,no ifs or buts

This lady has had a life with this man, they've got kids. It will be hard as you say, I'd be really worried reading our responses, she will have had happy times and maybe it's not helpful for people to call him names. Just highlighting what isn't acceptable and the nature of abuse is enough along with signposting to organisations that can help, how you access counselling for instance. Maybe if anybody knows those? I used to when I worked but am out of date now.

[Minusminnie]

My daughter was referred by a nurse to a Domestic Abuse Charity.
After listening to her they offered phone support with the same person. They also offered help in a court setting.

One first big step i guess is to reach out to someone in a professional capacity who can then signpost.

(Ok as long as signposting gets you somewhere. Often now signposting seems to go to and thro)

 

[Jules]

Yes I think the charities are all under strain. I was disappointed recently at the lack of support McMillan nurses offered to my friend who had cancer. It was basically DIY for her right to her death.
But it's a good idea to go via your medical practitioner as you say. There are always contact details around surgeries for various things too. Sometimes you speak a problem out loud, even on a forum, and then you feel it's snowballing into something more serious than you thought, and wish you hadn't so you backtrack and want to take it back or delete it.  And do people ever give the whole picture of a personal situation on here anyway?

[CLKD]

That reminds me Jules that I need to tackle our surgery about the non-existence of anything to do with menopause!

It is difficult when there have been 'good/better' times.   

[Jules]

That reminds me Jules that I need to tackle our surgery about the non-existence of anything to do with menopause!

It is difficult when there have been 'good/better' times.   

There is nothing in my surgery about menopause either. It's all stuff about treating the staff with respect 🫤

[jaypo]

It is maybe hard to read all our posts but we are outside the bubble looking in,when you are INSIDE the bubble,you sometimes can’t see what’s right in front of you. What he is doing is mental AND physical abuse,no ifs or buts

This lady has had a life with this man, they've got kids. It will be hard as you say, I'd be really worried reading our responses, she will have had happy times and maybe it's not helpful for people to call him names. Just highlighting what isn't acceptable and the nature of abuse is enough along with signposting to organisations that can help, how you access counselling for instance. Maybe if anybody knows those? I used to when I worked but am out of date now.

I have been through this myself in the past. We don’t know this lady,or her true feelings but if she’s been googling divorce proceedings, I think she is at an all time low. It’s only my opinion but she needs away from this man. I can’t go into detail what I’ve been through but I know the signs

[Nas]

Please don’t go on holiday with this man. He sounds a controlling narcissistic bully. Do you have support in real life?

[Jules]

It is maybe hard to read all our posts but we are outside the bubble looking in,when you are INSIDE the bubble,you sometimes can’t see what’s right in front of you. What he is doing is mental AND physical abuse,no ifs or buts

This lady has had a life with this man, they've got kids. It will be hard as you say, I'd be really worried reading our responses, she will have had happy times and maybe it's not helpful for people to call him names. Just highlighting what isn't acceptable and the nature of abuse is enough along with signposting to organisations that can help, how you access counselling for instance. Maybe if anybody knows those? I used to when I worked but am out of date now.

I have been through this myself in the past. We don’t know this lady,or her true feelings but if she’s been googling divorce proceedings, I think she is at an all time low. It’s only my opinion but she needs away from this man. I can’t go into detail what I’ve been through but I know the signs

No we don't know her. We don't know him either. We don't know how the interactions go between people in private. I wonder if she's wishing she hadn't posted her message now she's read the responses. Im sure we've all voiced something and wished we hadn't because we felt worse. I know I have when someone has summed up my situation in stark terms. I think there's some good advice on here, ways to get medical and relationship help. Hopefully the advice will be acted on.

[CLKD]

Advice from afar can be helpful.  Posting and getting it out of the head onto paper can help too.

[Ajcxx]

If he was any type of husband he would go without actual sex if it meant making you not suffer the pain. Why not go with foreplay ! He still gets his release  ... I'm sure if it was the other way around and his kn0b was in pain for days after it would be a different story.

[Jules]

Advice from afar can be helpful.  Posting and getting it out of the head onto paper can help too.

Yes that's very true. Sometimes it's the easiest way, to tell strangers anonymously. I don't think the name calling helps when someone is worried but that's just my experience of things