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[debbyx]

Sorry it’s me again. 

I have had a couple of good days and it felt so good had a couple of hot flushes and wobbly moments but nothing compared to what I have being going through for months now.  This morning i decided  I was fed up with a feature wall in my living room and just on the spear of the moment I stripped  off the wall paper  I cleaned it and painted it and was so proud of myself , I was actually stupid enough to think I was better , but no by lunch time I started feeling very shaky and unsteady legs wobbly and full blown panic attack ,  I have been crying now for  hours.
My husband came in to no dinner but was not kind or sympathetic, didn’t even  offer  to cook dinner . I feel so agitated that I just can not relax.  I feel even to scared to go and have a bath as I feel I will collapse.  Why can’t my husband just be kind to me and even offer a cup of tea would be nice. He just said he is sick to death of all this and I need to pull myself together ( wouldn’t it be good if it was that easy)

I Am also sick to death of all this I just want to be me again not this  person that I don’t even recognise any more.


Did I do to much this Morning ?  Or at 64 and post menopause are we past it  and doing jobs that we would  normally once take for granted. 

I am now in bed at 5pm on a Saturday evening as I am trying hard to calm myself down. 

Will I ever be me again. 

[Minusminnie]

I’ve not read all your previous posts but this sounds like a surge of energy before a panic attack.

Have you seen your GP ?

I did read in one post that you were self administering Valium have you stopped it ? Have you asked for anything else rather than Valium ?

A relaxing bath might be a good idea. Wish we still had one now got a shower. ☹️

[Blackcat11]

Sorry to hear you have had such a terrible afternoon. This 'journey' is not easy, not predictable, not consistent and can make us all feel very alone. Please try to remember you've had a good morning. That is a positive, I hope for you.
I really don't have any medical advice as I don't know enough to know whether any of your symptoms and 'wobbliness' could be helped with medication. I am sure there will be others on here who can help with that.
I don't know if you have seen the posts on Facebook from a lady called Sarah Shenton. Her page is called Middle Age Madness. She is fabulous at highlighting all the rubbish that happens during menopause, She is hilarious, honest and writes with huge amounts of sympathy for what we all go through. Sometimes just knowing that lots of us feel like that can help. She also writes to educate families, and husbands particularly to help them to understand the changes that happen to us and how out of our control this is. She describes the physical, emotional and mental wellbeing symptoms that occur as a result of our lowering levels of estrogen. If you haven't seen her posts I would recommend you find her. She will cheer you up and you will likely laugh if nothing else. Currently she appears to be having a whale of a time in France, but scroll back to find her posts over recent days which may help you to feel not so alone and will certainly help to explain why you can't just 'pull yourself together'. Hope this helps.

[Nik2502]

Hi

I feel your pain. I’ve been pretty stable for the last six months then bam! Anxiety, crying, panic attacks.
We came on holiday on Friday and I feel like I’m ruining it. My husband is incredibly supportive though.
I’ve recently been full of motivation and decorated my whole house and how I’m scared to stand up in case I faint! (I’ve never fainted in my life).

The only advice I can offer is it’ll get better. It will pass. We just have to be patient - which is incredibly hard.

Be kind to yourself!

Nik x

[debbyx]

Thank you for your replies it really does help.

I woke up this morning and within minutes was crying as I just can’t face another day.  So far it has been okay very anxious and on edge but manageable.

Thanks Blackcat11 for recommending the book ,  I did  download it and nearly finished it ,  can’t make up my mind at the minute what I think of it.  She writes to make it funny but she does work go to the supermarket and by the sounds of it have some fabulous holidays ,  I struggle to go out and even scared to go up stairs in my own house sometimes,  bits of the book made me angry as she makes menopause sound like a bit of a joke at times
But that is just my opinion and we are all different I suppose we have to cope the best way we can. 

Hi minusminnie

yes I am taking Valium but only 2mg a day. I have my long awaited appointment with the meno nurse on Tuesday, I am hoping she will agree for me to Try HRt
Which all the other GPs have so far refused due to being 64 and think I just have “anxiety “ .

Nik2502. Hope you have a good break.   

[Clovie]

Hi Debby, and anyone else suffering from anxiety

Ah, I feel your pain, and am sending huge support your way. I too have been INCREDIBLY anxious ever since perimenopause hit and I am really bad with it now, aged 61. 
Some recent drama with the docs regarding me needing a scan re still having periods has brought my panic attacks back as well...
I used to have stressful jobs, friends, used to go on shopping trips by myself, hell I even used to DRIVE! 
Not any more. I tend to stay in unless my husband is with me.
I cannot process my emotions as I used to and I panic at every. single. thing. I feel pathetic, I have no idea why my husband stays with me (He is GREAT though, my absolute rock)
this is definitely linked to hormonal shifts , I'm sure. I also still get wild PMT which is a real kick in the... (...insert choice of rude area or expletive!)

I hope your GP gives you HRT, it did actually make a difference for me, I did feel a bit better.
Makes no difference about your age, if you need HRT you need it.
Some ladies suffer with their symptoms forever, my mum did - some are lucky and it all calms down.

Sending you mega support 

[debbyx]

I think if the panic was not there I would be able to cope a bit better feeling anxious I can deal with but the panic attacks are just do bad , I totally go to pieces I feel like I am going to collapse I can’t sit down I can’t stand up I just pace from room to room , some days I can’t even talk on the phone , I don’t know why
The other day after the bin men had been I could see the bin from the window it must have been about 6 steps from the front door and I thought I can not do it , I can’t get the bin back in.  Some nights I can’t even have a bath as I’m to scared something will happen . If the post man knocks I freak out and I literally only need to open the door for two minutes if that. 

And on shopping day as I have it delivered I totally go to pieces.  I have stopped having it from a Tesco as I just could not stand at the door and pack In to your own bags , so I have changed to Morrisons as their shopping comes in bags
So at least they  just hand them over. But I still do an early morning delivery at 6.30 as I know my husband will still be home. 

  before I would stand and chat to any one that knocked on the door and my family joked that I could talk to a wrong number for over an hour on the phone.   

I want to be that person again.  I hate who I have become.

[CLKD]

U probably did far too much, used up the energy without replacing it - = low blood sugar which can cause panic attacks. 

[dangermouse]

Just something to consider:

My mum was put on Diazepam for back pain but she could only tolerate 0.5mg but she was on it, on and off, for about 2 months. Over that time, she got progressively worse with anxiety that was off the scale like full blown panic attacks. We didn’t think it was the Diazepam as it was so low dose and some times she didn’t take it for days.

I then found out that withdrawal doesn’t kick in until 5 days without it and that 2 weeks is the max you should stay on it. For her, she was weeping uncontrollably when on it (just that low dose) and having intense panic attacks when withdrawing - bad after 3 hours of last pill and then if got to the 5 days she was frantic.

A lot then happened including a hospital stay (where I had to fight them not to put her back on it as it’s their go-to to keep patients quiet). Once we got through about 3 weeks off of it, she was back to normal.

I understand you had anxiety before you went on it but it could be compounding things.

[debbyx]

Thanks so much Dangermouse for this info

I was starting to think was the Valium making me worse as I have had anxiety in the past but never panic attacks like I have been having recently, yesterday I thought i would be calling 999 as I was so bad and it just come on so suddenly, i cry day in and day out at the minute and am worn  out.   I too only take a small amount twice a day ,  I will wean off of it over the next few days to see if the panic gets better . 

Thank you

[CLKD]

Fortunately I never had withdrawal problems from Valium.  I've had up to 10mg 3 times a day as well as 5mg as necessary under GP supervision.

My neighbour has agitation with Propranolol which I can tolerate well.  As with many medications some patients may react differently which is very distressing.

Let us know debbyx how you get on. 

[Minusminnie]

I will wean off of it over the next few days to see if the panic gets better . 

Thank you

I would look up how to wean off this as advice may be over weeks not days depending on what you have been doing.

(My only experience is my daughter who could only obtain 3 Valium at a time & that was difficult enough to get the gp to prescribe.)