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[FC3]

Is it just me…….?

Been on sequential HRT 2 years plus sertraline to help my extremely bad peri symptoms. Have had gradual improvement over this time but am far from feeling ‘normal’. Am coping with life though.

Libido non existent and I am quite happy to retire gracefully from that part of life now, although hubby of 20 years may differ in opinion 😬. He’s understanding though.

All the books, shows, articles etc out there assume dwindling sex life is a problem that needs to be solved and out come the same old potions, sex toys, lingerie, porn etc as if these things which don’t appeal to me at all will change everything.

What’s wrong with reading a book instead?😆 My child bearing days are over and for me it feels natural to simply get my body back for me again.

I feel like I’m the only one though.

Maybe if the NHS prescribed testosterone more readily I’d have a few more years of sex drive, but I’m really quite happy as I am!

And yes, I have had some great sex in my time and am quite aware of what I’m missing out on.

Am I the only one???

[sheila99]

Libido is the only thing the NHS will prescribe testosterone for (we can't have men suffering can we? ). I agree though that when you have no sex drive you don't miss it. Obviously your own choice but perhaps discuss it with your husband first and if he isn't fully on board with the idea try the testosterone route? Imo sex drive or lack of it isn't something you choose, it's decided for you solely by your hormones.
 It might just be worth checking your oestrogen levels. If the need for sertraline came at the same time as peri but you still need it now it might be that your levels are still below the optimum. And I'm not sure if sertraline suppresses sex drive?

[bombsh3ll]

I completely lost interest in sex at 31 after being left with appendicitis for 3 weeks which left me unable to conceive naturally as my fallopian tubes had been destroyed.

We did try naturally whilst saving up for IVF, just to have peace of mind that I wouldn't be that one miracle in however many million whose tubes heal, however it was upsetting to keep having fruitless intercourse, and we were both grateful to stop when I began IVF.

I was lucky enough to have my daughter after 3 cycles, however obstetric complications left me with almost no vaginal opening so penetrative intercourse would have been anatomically impossible thereafter anyway.

This was treated as if it was a dire emergency by the obstetrician and gynaecologist, who attempted to pressure me into repeated surgeries and dilator use, and even wanted to refer me to someone specialising in gender reassignment whom I suppose they thought could construct me a new vagina.

It felt quite sinister and misogynistic to be honest, as if they were almost sorry they had saved my life if I wasn't going to spend the rest of it gratifying heterosexual men, and as if they thought I had no worth as a person without being sexually active.

I remember wishing such concern and effort could be channeled towards women who were actually suffering - in particular those with infertility having had the experience I'd had - than trying to reconstruct a vagina in someone who couldn't care less.

For years I had a perfectly adequate psychological explanation for my lack of libido as it had coincided with the loss of my fertility, however what I hadn't realised was that over the same time frame, between IVF cycles and after my daughter's birth I had also gone onto the combined pill for health reasons, which is known for suppressing endogenous testosterone and libido.

During the COVID pandemic I temporarily lost access to my combined pill, and my long dead libido actually came back!

So when I was able to get back on my pill I started supplementing with DHEA, which has restored my testosterone and my libido nicely.

I do not have a physical relationship with my husband but I do own a couple of vibrators which I highly recommend - neither is shaped like a penis which was a conscious choice, and I do not need or want any kind of penetration to have an orgasm.

However I have never regarded myself as broken for not wanting or being able to have sex, I told the consultant after declining any further intervention that I don't need a hole to be whole, and in a way regard my colpocleisis as a blessing because after everything I went through to have my daughter, it felt like nature's way of saying "enough" and making sure I never have to have anything shoved up me again, which I had been highly traumatised by.

[FC3]

Thanks for the replies ladies….and sorry to hear you went through so much with the IVF and complications. I had terrible complications giving birth and lots of bulky scar tissue etc down below and I’m sure that doesn’t help with libido one bit either! X

[Garnet161]

Oh 100% happy to never have penetrative sex again.  Only problem is that my husband is very, very keen to continue with lots of sex.  Unfortunately, since I switched from Ovestin to Vagifem, sex hurts again - the stinging is unbearable.  Vagifem is terrific for my bladder so quite frankly, I don't care about anything else except being comfortable!! 

I have tried Ovestin on the outside again, to get estrogen to those parts, but each time, I get sore with thrush symptoms until I stop using it!  (I had the glabrata strain which seems to flare up only when I use Ovestin).

So, to keep husband happy, I engage in oral sex and other 'sexy' things for now.  Which I really can't be bothered with but as he says, he has needs.  Sigh.  I have so many issues because of my atrophy but he just wants me to keep trying to find a 'happy medium'. 

[sheila99]

Have you tried using/increasing systemic oestrogen to solve the VA problem? My va was uncontrolled on the topical dose my gp would allow (twice a week vagifem and nothing for the outside, pain and incontinence). I don't see why I should have to wet myself when there is treatment available so went private. Now on increased systemic hrt above the dose the nhs allows and I don't need local oestrogen at all, 'down below' is now back to normal.

[Garnet161]

Thanks for the advice.  What type of systemic are you using?
I am using BiEstro estradiol/estriol cream and matching ProGest progesterone.  They are systemic topical creams which I get from the USA and they are useful for controlling hot flashes, insomnia etc.  My doctor says as it suits me, I should stay with it at the moment, but I was toying with the idea of something stronger, like a combined patch.

[sheila99]

I'm on 200mcg estradot patch and a mirena for the progestogen. We don't get va when we're young and producing gallons of our own oestrogen.

[Garnet161]

Exactly! 
I find though that Vagifem has been successful in reducing my VA bladder issues by about 80%.  But I do also have an overactive bladder which is a nuisance sometimes - I've had that since I had my children.

[freewillbabie]

I know everyone of us are different, but I find thar black maca root helps me and soya based foods.

[Clovie]

Hi

No issues down below for me, thankfully, as yet - I know it's probably coming down the line.... 

My husband has a high sex drive and I should be grateful that he does ask for sex and would easily have sex at least twice three times a week at the minimum.
Me, I could not give two hoots about sex. I have no desire for it. Not for a good few years in fact.
I still find my husband attractive, I love him and I LOVE that he desires me, but sex? Nah, I could go forever not doing it again to be perfectly honest.
When we DO do it I have a great response, which makes him very happy,  and then I wonder why I don't ever fancy it - as once we do get into it I suppose it's still a great success 

I've thought about asking for testosterone but as I have never ending problems with the NHS regarding still having periods aged 61 I've never got to a stage where I can even ask that.

I know that I DESERVE to have help with my libido, it's important for our marriage, but I feel it is too much to ask right now....

[sheila99]

Clovie you should ask for a referral to an NHS meno clinic. Few GPS will prescribe it ( not their fault, it's because there's no product licensed for women so they are personally liable). The wait is often a year, 2 years in my area. When you finally get your appointment you can decide if you want it but if you still have the bleeding problem they should be able to advise your GP on that too.

[Clovie]

Clovie you should ask for a referral to an NHS meno clinic. Few GPS will prescribe it ( not their fault, it's because there's no product licensed for women so they are personally liable). The wait is often a year, 2 years in my area. When you finally get your appointment you can decide if you want it but if you still have the bleeding problem they should be able to advise your GP on that too.

Yes, thanks Sheila, if and when I get to stage where I am OK with my prescription continuing I will pay to see someone private for testosterone as the wait is just too long, I may pay to see someone sooner anyway to advise on my bleeding if I can find a specialist who is open to women having periods past the medical textbook age.
 (Our son has just started his final year of  training as a Doctor at medical school but of course is no use due to quite brief training on lots of areas not just gynae, plus he might feel uncomfortable discussing this with his mum!  )