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[StrictlyFan]

I'm really just posting to reach out to women on here that maybe in a same situation. Sometimes just knowing that you are not alone, can makes things seem a tiny bit better.

I'm 54 and been post menopausal for the past 6 years. It has been a journey I would not recommend to my biggest enemies. It started with weird nausea and exhaustion and constant and soul destroying insomnia (dry mouth/hair/skin and many many more). However, I have battled on until really last year when I really felt overwhelmed and I couldn't in all honesty complete a days work, without some sort of emotional turmoil. So, unfortunately I gave up work, to try and work out how to put myself back on the right road. I have read loads and attended a private menopause clinic, but to be honest it never really worked for me. So, I continue with 3 pumps of Oestrogel and 1 Untrogestan.

However, I'm really posting here to talk about the loneliness that I have really experienced. My kids don't need me anymore and we moved into a new area. The one positive thing is that my new GP seems sympathetic and was the first one to suggest at least a blood test to see where my hormones currently are. Menopause is such an individual journey, that we all manage in different ways. We all come to menopause in different states of fitness whatever life has thrown at us - good or bad. My husband says I should volunteer and try and find like minded women - but where can I go? Can I really be bothered, especially  if I have not slept properly for weeks at a time. I always seem to battle some sort of ailment. At the moment its a nagging gum, that I'm most probably have to get a dentist appointment to get it seen to - hence another load of stress. I'm in a loving marriage and have no complaints at all, but husbands, even the most understanding ones can only come so far on our journey.

I'm really just reaching out to see how the menopause has affected the women here socially as well as physically. Loneliness can really heighten pain and hence another issue that I'm having to deal with

Thank you for reading my long whinging post!

[dangermouse]

Sorry to hear you’re feeling lonely, you’ really aren’t alone though - excuse the pun!

Have you a modern community choir in your area? I joined one a few years ago and it opens up a whole network of new friends that will always be there, as it’s not connected to work.

Other options are groups connected to any hobbies you have or would like to start. Most now have What’s App groups attached to the community and, even when you aren’t with them, there is funny chatter going on! As it’s local, some people just make open invitations to come and join them in the park etc.

There will be many people in your position, particularly when the kids have moved out, and some people also will post on local Facebook groups to ask if anyone fancies meeting for a local coffee.

For some (which may not be you) it can feel scary to be the one to reach out or turn up for your first choir session, but once you go through the door, others will come to say hello and then you’re through the hard bit!

[sheila99]

Sorry this isn't answering your question but I would start with reassessing your hrt. I have insomnia with oestrogen deficiency. I also have it if I use utrogeston. For most people it helps them sleep but foe a few it has the opposite effect. IIWY I'd stop the utro for a fortnight (it might induce a bleed) and see if your sleep improves. If it does you can investigate alternatives. As you know it's impossible to feel well when you can't sleep.

[StrictlyFan]

Thank you Dangermouse for your suggestion, I will look into a local choir. I was really reaching out to see if anyone else was in a similar situation, where their symptoms have really impacted their whole social and work life. I seem to be in constant limbo and at a loss as to how to move forward.

Shella99 - I don't doubt that Utrogrestran can impact people's sleep. For me I know it's not that, as I had insomnia when I was not even taking hrt. It fact it's what really drove me to take it in the first place, as well as the fatigue.

I'm also dealing with a recent diagnosis of Osteoporosis of the spine, so another blow that I need to deal with. All the information says that you need to do strength training. How on earth am I going to do that when I have 3 hours tops sleep and I feel exhausted during the day

[Minusminnie]

I read your post and thought what a lot of change you have had with health, moving house to a new area and leaving work.  You mention pain have you got some relief for that or have had some counselling to help deal with it ?

Has your husband suggested a holiday ! rather than volunteering.

Don’t mean to be trite but have you tried a toothpaste for sensitive teeth/gums. I’ve spent time going to the dentist with a nagging gum to be told that he can’t see anything wrong.  Just brought on by stress at those times. I always get one of the Sensodyne pastes suggested.

[DottyD68]

Hi Strictlyfan,

Sorry to hear you are having such a rough time. It can be such a lowering time in our lives as there is so much (unknown and unexpected) change going on with our bodies, health and families (parents and children). It can be overwhelming. There have been times when I haven't recognised myself. Feeling rubbish a lot of the time can make you withdraw from social activities as you lose confidence and just don't have the energy to put on a bright face.

My advice is to take one day at a time. Nothing is forever and there are brighter days around the corner. Try not to put pressure on yourself until you are feeling up for it, but set yourself small goals. If you have a bad day, tomorrow will be better. X

[CLKD]

Half a day at a time.  One can feel lonely in a crowded room!

Did U have friends B4 you moved with whom U keep contact with? 

Have U moved for your husband's job which means that he is occupied ?  Of course volunteering might help but 1 has to be in the mood!  If U live near a town there may be charity shops, even if U do the steaming and ironing in the back room.  Our local council offices have a list of volunteering opportunities and some schools like some1 to go in to help children who have reading difficulties.  Think about your skill set as well as what you enjoy.

Is there a shop in your village or a regular local magazine which will point U in the direction of clubs etc. in your new area?

Art groups; walking groups; choir?  Swimming, cycling, helping at the food bank?  Tell us more about your hobbies?  R U shy or do you mix easily without all the crap that peri throws our way?

[Jacqueline333]

Hi, I just read your post and really feel for you. I am almost exactly the same. I have loving husband and a good job, but I am crying a lot of the time and I feel so lonely it is unbearable. I want to go out and do things, but I just don’t have the energy. I feel as though there is no future for me and I worry about getting older. Some days it feels as though this misery is never going to end. You are not alone! However, I understand that it feels that way but just reading your post and those of the other ladies has helped me significantly. I am not on any medication and I am 59 years old. I’ve been post menopausal now for two years. However, I will say for the last seven days I have been taking magnesium vitamin D and a herbal menopause tablet and my mood has improved substantially. I’m wondering if the magnesium is doing something about the depression I feel. I think reading other posts I’ve been very lucky with symptoms but my sleep is disturbed and this does affect my mood but nothing prepared me for the depression the loneliness the anxiety the waking up with butterflies in my stomach and the general feel of hopelessness that I’ve had for the last Two years. Having older relatives who have gone through this I believe the good news is it does stop so hang in there!

[CLKD]

Morning Jacqueline333 - browse round, make notes.  The Change - does what it says on the tin.  1 can be lonely in a room full of people!  Do U have hobbies?

When did your GP run blood tests, i.e. vitD and thyroid function levels?  Lack of energy can be due to either/both of these.

Those butterflies may be due to cortisol surges, the waking hormone: left me terrified in the early hours - my GP prescribed Propranolol to be taken at night which helped.