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[ToriiJ]

I didn’t know whether to post this here but I guess it’s all menopause related.

I just need a rant I guess. I’m so done with this crappy year, has been one of the worst. Depression has been awful and floored me particularly from the summer.

Today I took my dog for his usual morning walk and some old man insulted me about my age. He said you look like you have retired and decided to tell me I look 58! I’m 52 and have always thought I look good for my age and have been told I look younger. Why did he feel the need to say this.

The smallest things seems to trigger me and everything gets exaggerated in my mind. My confidence is already at an all time low and now after this man’s comment I have convinced myself I look like an old hag.

I have had bereavements in recent years and although lucky that I haven’t had any this year, this has been the worst year of my life I think.

I feel like I’m failing my teenage daughter as I am not up to doing anything with her as I only go out when I have to, and well …. it just all just sucks.

Sorry for the negative post but I feel so alone with how I feel and this man who commented about my age has sent me spiralling today 

[Nas]

Yep, the worst year here too, so solidarity!

Menopause symptoms ramping up by the minute, incurable but treatable breast cancer, forced to keep working because I can’t afford not to; yep it all sucks!

That man was bang out of order, how rude! I hope you put him in his place? That was an unnecessary comment to make to you. Do you know him?

Hopefully next year will be better ? 

[ToriiJ]

Hi Nas

I’m really sorry to hear what you are going through, that must be really tough (understatement).

I’d seen the man briefly on walks, last time I saw him he was convinced he knew me from somewhere?? I didn’t put him in his place, now I’m thinking of the things I should have said, think I was just speechless.

Thank you for replying and I hope next year is better for you too x

[bombsh3ll]

Don't give him another thought, he is probably just clumsy and lacking social skills rather than being intentionally mean.

He may also be in need of a trip to Specsavers, or perhaps just watches so much messed up s**t that he thinks all women are meant to have a face full of botox and a BBL.

Be kind to yourself, invest in things that make you look and feel your best. Not because of what others think - if there's one perk of being a mature woman it's the decentering of the male gaze and giving less of one about others opinions, but so that you feel comfortable in your own skin.

I can't do a lot of the things I'd like to with my children either as I'm disabled, but I am sure there are things you could do with your daughter that she'd appreciate that don't involve going out such as cooking together or watching a movie.

I hope the next year will be better for you!

[CLKD]

Do U know this person, do U meet on a regular basis whilst out with your dog?

Ignore such remarks.  His problem however: I would be inclined to report to the Police in case they are building a profile of similar remarks in the same area.

Ask your daughter?  Don't assume: because often the problem is internal rather than being real.  Especially at this time of year when every1 else seems to be 'better' ! 

Do U and your daughter do stuff together? 

Due to anxiety I can't have holidays although we did manage 3 days away last week.

[K45]

Hold on to the facts that a) you have always thought you look good for your age and b) you've been told you look younger before and I'm guessing by genuine people not some total weirdo with no filter! It really baffles me how anyone thinks commenting like this is ok.

Roll on 2025 I say! My 2024 has been a haze of perimenopausal rage/mood swings/anxiety.

If you lived near me I'd lend you my friend's 45 kg doberman who looks terrifying (but a total softie!) and I'm sure this random bloke would steer clear!!

[ToriiJ]

Thank you both so much for your replies. Recently I haven’t really invested in much for myself, everything is so much effort but I know it would help. I need to take better care of my skin, well I need to drink more water as I hardly drink at all in the day.

I’ve always taken pride in my appearance though and am so sensitive about my age so this was the biggest insult for me, I know I just need to forget about this person.

bomsh3ll Sorry to hear you can’t do things with your children that you’d like to. Life isn’t fair is it. Yes watching a movie together is a good idea, I need to be more creative.

CLKD I see him every now and then but can easily avoid him. You’re right, perhaps the problem is internal with my daughter. I know she’d like me to do more with her but she is understanding of how I am at the moment. I am the same as you with holidays, so well done getting away for 3 days.

Thanks again for your advice ladies.

[CLKD]

It's this time of year!  Does your DD have a beauty routine that you could join in with, that opens up the chance to discuss everything and nowt ;-).  MinL and I shared a face mask one afternoon, OK until the men came home  . Don't know whether it improved our skins or not 

What's on TV between now and mid-Jan., mayB make a list of what U could watch together.  No need to go OTT with food either, it's 1 day for goodness sake.  If people are visiting mayB ask them to 'bring a plate' ;-) though I would then worry about getting food poisoning ........ 

Let us know how you get on? 

[ToriiJ]

K45 Thanks so much for your comments, yes you’re right I should hold onto the facts. My self belief seems to have tanked, well I didn’t have much before this bloody menopause thing. You are spot on, this man had no filter, so thank you for that, it has made me think.

Ha yes charging up to him with a Doberman would be great! Maybe I can accidentally push him in the lake next time.

I’m sorry to hear 2024 has been rubbish for you too. Let’s hope 2025 is much improved.

[DottyD68]

Hi ToriiJ,

I am so sorry to read your post but, the fact that your words totally resonate with me so much should hopefully make you realise that you are most certainly not alone. It definitely is not a competition  but I have felt like you for a few years in a row now. The worst years of my life BUT, hopefully you will take some hope from the fact that this past 6 months I have finally started to feel brighter. It is still work in progress (& some days I feel totally flat) but there are far more better days than there have been. Things will get better.

I am not a fan of this time of year - the whole over-hype up to Christmas, extreme consumerism and need to pack a trillion get-togethers in busy cafes and restaurants with people who you're not really bothered about when you feel rubbish about yourself, just doesn't do it for me. I have gradually learnt how to manage the whole thing better to suit me, taken a bit of control, politely but firmly say no and suggest we meet in the New Year when it's less busy and suggest we do that rather than swapping bottles of wine/boxes of chocs as prezzies coz it's just more pointless unnecessary hassle and cost for everyone. I find noone argues with that suggestion. Don't get me wrong, I still buy gifts for special friends (personal things I see during the year that I think they would like) but I refuse to get sucked into the whole circus and I feel so much better for it.

Have you seen the cartoon version of The Grinch (Benedict Cumbernatch did a voiceover in it)? I saw it for the first time last year and I found it so uplifting. It's on my Christmas film list again this year. Maybe you could watch it with your daughter? You don't have to go out to have quality time.

As for that man! Not worth wasting a second more of your life thinking about his ridiculous comment. Just think....karma!

I truly hope 2025 is a brighter year for you, and for all of us. Don't give up hope. X

[Taz2]

I’d seen the man briefly on walks, last time I saw him he was convinced he knew me from somewhere?? I didn’t put him in his place, now I’m thinking of the things I should have said, think I was just speechless.

When my neighbour was in the early stages of dementia she would behave in a similar way convinced she knew random strangers from somewhere when we were shopping or out for a walk. Inappropriate comments were also noticeable especially on people's weight or dress sense and it got us into bother a few times. Maybe he's the same?

I hope that 2025 will be much kinder to you.

Taz x 

[ToriiJ]

Thank you so much for the replies and sorry for taking so long but I have read them a few times and it has really helped to know I’m not alone.

CKLD my DD does have a beauty routine, perhaps that’s an idea to join her 🤔

Dotty reading your reply really helped, knowing there is hope. I haven’t had a good few years now, so with this one being truly awful, maybe it will start to get better soon. Sorry to hear you have had it tough but so reassuring to hear you are starting to feel brighter. I really hope it continues for you. Yes Christmas is so over-hyped and we all have to be happy and excited well I’m not! That’s great advice, I guess this is the time we need to think more about ourselves rather than pleasing others. I haven’t seen the Benedict Cumberbatch version of The Grinch, I will definitely watch that.

Taz2 it’s funny as my mum said the same about this man and it did go through my mind that he may be in the early stages of dementia, either that or he was just plain rude ad blind of course!

Thank you all so much again. Your kind words have helped and I hope 2025 is much better for you all too x

[CLKD]

From where I'm sitting, he's definitely blind ;-)

Try taking half a day at a time.  Unless I have to book ahead, I try not to think about tomorrow.  We look at the weather and make decisions ;-)

[ToriiJ]

Ah thanks CLkD.

Yes looking ahead does not help. Half a day at a time sounds good to me x