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[Applecake]

In various areas of my life, where I would usually have let things go and suffered in silence I find myself speaking out. Confronting clearly (not aggressively) when I think things are out of order and not second guessing myself or feeling guilt and shame after. Feeling like I saw the situation clearly and spoke from my truth. It is a bit of a shock to those who know me as a meek and mild type. I’m not 100% sure it’s a good thing. Has anyone else noticed this? Of course it could just be an age thing of being less tolerant or wasting less time on buried angst or one sided relationships .

[CLKD]

Well done on putting foot down with firm hand 

[CLKD]

I don't take crap from any1 haven't done for about 10 years.   I have buttoned my mouth ........ but now when someone speaks out of turn or annoys me, that's it! 

Trouble is I often have discussions in my head which takes a lot of energy, i.e. when the neighbours drove off to France without telling us the day they were going: it was by chance that we were outside the houses and as they went, leaned out of the vehicle window "OH U may be asked to water the plants, feed the hamster" etc..  How about checking, B4 you drove off, that we were actually going to be here.  I tell U, what I WOULD/LIKED to have said would have made bad blood.

So U are 'growing up' and not taking rubbish.  Well done U!

I think 4 me it goes back to my younger years when I didn't want to upset people: but sometimes things have to be mentioned 

[Asher]

I wish I was more this way and actually said what I really want too , I seemed to have gone the other way in my older age .
I never took any crap in my younger years , I would speak out and definitely not suffer in silence, now sadly I’ve become a people pleaser I never want to upset anyone and I take way too much shit of certain people than I should, it upsets me and I do the whole suffer in silence thing , I don’t know why I’ve become this way , honestly don’t recognise myself sometimes.

Send some of that courage my way if you’ve got any to spare , 🙂

[CLKD]

Asher - decide which people drain you and who energises U.  This includes people that may have been friends for years  but people do change.  So if friends aren't giving you what you need then back off.  Do more for yourself - for years I jumped in to help others ......... then decided that the anxiety after the adrenaline faded wasn't worth the effort.  So if I'm asked to help I insist on a 2/3rd person if I have to back away, i.e. if mum takes poorly.

Think if there is any1 who might overwhelm you.  And why?

After a while I don't get asked as often ;-). 

[Mariab]

Hi,
I used to be very quiet and let everyone walk all over me even though I knew it was wrong..then I had my daughter and all of a sudden I found my voice and now I am more outspoken and tell people who  have ever stepped the mark my thoughts..I think it's much better to communicate clearly so everyone know where they stand without misunderstanding.

[Asher]

Asher - decide which people drain you and who energises U.  This includes people that may have been friends for years  but people do change.  So if friends aren't giving you what you need then back off.  Do more for yourself - for years I jumped in to help others ......... then decided that the anxiety after the adrenaline faded wasn't worth the effort.  So if I'm asked to help I insist on a 2/3rd person if I have to back away, i.e. if mum takes poorly.

Think if there is any1 who might overwhelm you.  And why?

After a while I don't get asked as often ;-).

Hi CLKD ,

you are absolutely right and it’s good honest advice, I did actually cut out a lot of friends and only kept the ones who genuinely make me feel happy in there presence .
Unfortunately it is some members of my family that are the problem, I just can’t find the courage to speak up.
As the old saying goes you can choose your friends but not your family.

I will certainly take your advice and work on who drains me and why , and hopefully find the courage to actually speak up.

[CLKD]

Morning.  How often do you need to interact with family?   The reason I visit his brother/wife is because DH has been my rock through various illnesses.  If I never saw his brother again ....... he annoys me without trying  . this is the 1st year that we haven't travelled anywhere [due to anxiety] and they have't asked why ;-)

My younger sister and I fight.  So we don't meet up.  Even on the 'phone she would wind me up so I put it down on one occasion [B4 mobiles].