Hi
I'm sorry I'm only just replying. I did use the notify me button but it didn't!

I'm so sorry to hear you're struggling so much.
I started on 10mg of citalopram. The first 3 weeks were very very hard and I almost quit as the side effects were awful. But I was told to trust the process....so I stuck it out.....and after a little while felt much better.....
There were ups and downs and times I thought it wasn't working....and felt discouraged.....but my brother is on citalopram too and it has changed his life.....so I carried on.
I did about 3 months on 10mg....which helped but only to about 50%.......I decided to up it to 15mg with the advice of my MH nurse....
Not a common dose but I'm very sensitive to meds so I always go slowly....
I had 2 weeks of side effects again....but after that I felt better and better and better.....
I've now been on citalopram 9 months and don't currently feel I need to go up to 20mg (the most common therapeutic dose)
I've never felt better mentally. I still have regular normal anxiety that most people will get....but all the extreme suicidal dark thoughts crazy woman state has gone completely.
I feel normal. Whatever that is lol
I still suffer from M.E/CFS but have for 30× years...and other physical menopause stuff....but I can deal with anything now my mental health is better.
I was lucky it worked for me. Sometimes it's trial and error and may not work for everyone and may need to try a different AD and don't expect things to change quickly, it can take weeks/months for the full effect with lots of ups and downs before things settle or feel better....but I wish I'd done in sooner.
I might add that the meds have made the most difference but I've also worked hard on my own MH by looking at how my thoughts affect my body and mind. I had alot of counselling and changing other things to help with stress etc. But the meds put me in a place if being able to implement ways to cope and I'm I cannot praise them enough. Literally saved my life.
I never thought I'd feel 'sane' again...it was a desperate situation for many months before I started meds.....I never thought anything would help.......but I'm living proof it CAN get better.
Much love xxxx