Ativan can become addictive but surely it's better to have a Quality of Life ? That's been my thought pattern for many years, with Valium. How much are you taking and how often?
I was prescribed 10 mg 3 times a day for 3 weeks followed by 5 twice a day then 5mg as required. I used it the night prior to events that I was unable to avoid [visiting family ] knowing that I could swallow 5mg the next afternoon, never required it. Did make me drop off mid-afternoon much to MinL's horror

MayB over haul your diet: keep a note for 3-5 days/nights of what you eat/drink to C if there's anything that could be altered? Also eating little and often can ease anxiety surges. Some find that foods that we have eaten for years, the body decides that it can't process it as well, also alcohol

I now have an emergency pill to swallow when anxiety over whelms me.
Also - husband 'cant handle much more'. So he's taking U to the GP for a joint discussion anytime soon? This isn't about him. However, what might he B worried about the most, it's The Change - does what it says on the tin. Some people can't cope when their partner suddenly has a wobble ....... so talking openly about his concerns might help, because we are all on a learning curve

Some find that keeping a mood/food/symptom diary of use. Let us know how you get on. Browse round, ask away.