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[mandamoo85]

Hey all.

I’ve been married for 11 years and we have 2 fabulous children. I’ve never really fancied him but he’s an amazing Dad and dotes on me.

I don’t feel anything!  He does everything - cooking, cleaning, kids, school run - and I work and get waited on.

He is constantly commenting on how amazing I am and beautiful etc. I give him nothing. I feel horrible, I truly feels he deserves more. I feel claustrophobic, I can’t breath or do anything myself (he has ADHD). My daughter also has adhd and they’re bickering etc, it’s so hard.

Am I f’ing this up on purpose? Or am I just in love with him as a man who does everything but as a friend?

He’s in the kitchen, in hysterics, and I’ve got nothing to give him - my only priority is protecting the kids.

Any advice guys? I’m struggling and want to make it all right - but don’t know what to do.

[Ayesha]

What an amazing husband. If you don't like your life as it is only you can change it and go down the route you will eventually take.

[getting_old]

Why did you marry him? and are you both happy? From your post it sounds like you aren't but he is? If that's the case then what do you need to be happy, and can you get that from your family as they are now? If the answer is no, then you need to re-evaluate your situation.
and honestly, if you aren't happy then yes, you probably are f'ing it up on purpose   

Have you thought about finding some sort of ADHD family support group?

[mandamoo85]

What an amazing husband. If you don't like your life as it is only you can change it and go down the route you will eventually take.

He is amazing, anybody else would be on cloud 9. Just unsure why I’m not.

[mandamoo85]

Why did you marry him? and are you both happy? From your post it sounds like you aren't but he is? If that's the case then what do you need to be happy, and can you get that from your family as they are now? If the answer is no, then you need to re-evaluate your situation.
and honestly, if you aren't happy then yes, you probably are f'ing it up on purpose   

Have you thought about finding some sort of ADHD family support group?

He is happy because this is all he’s ever wanted. A family and a wife, in a house with dogs etc. I’m not happy and I’m unsure why, he grates on me. He doesn’t have any friends - he has mine as family friends.
He takes away all of my independence. I’m too anxious to take the kids to school, do bedtime etc - because he does it all and I’ve never had to. I don’t do my own tablets, I don’t do any of the duties that a wife or, more importantly, a mother does. He puts this down as having ADHD.

I married him because we were pregnant and it’s a “normal” thing to do - something I didn’t have.
I’ve always thought I’ll keep up the pretence until the kids are old enough - and then I can find someone I lust over - who has the confidence and passion to arrange things and be silly.

He’s crying and I’m sat here with no emotions - what is wrong with me!!?

[Jules]

Why did you marry him? and are you both happy? From your post it sounds like you aren't but he is? If that's the case then what do you need to be happy, and can you get that from your family as they are now? If the answer is no, then you need to re-evaluate your situation.
and honestly, if you aren't happy then yes, you probably are f'ing it up on purpose   

Have you thought about finding some sort of ADHD family support group?

He is happy because this is all he’s ever wanted. A family and a wife, in a house with dogs etc. I’m not happy and I’m unsure why, he grates on me. He doesn’t have any friends - he has mine as family friends.
He takes away all of my independence. I’m too anxious to take the kids to school, do bedtime etc - because he does it all and I’ve never had to. I don’t do my own tablets, I don’t do any of the duties that a wife or, more importantly, a mother does. He puts this down as having ADHD.

I married him because we were pregnant and it’s a “normal” thing to do - something I didn’t have.
I’ve always thought I’ll keep up the pretence until the kids are old enough - and then I can find someone I lust over - who has the confidence and passion to arrange things and be silly.

He’s crying and I’m sat here with no emotions - what is wrong with me!!?

It doesn't sound a healthy relationship for any of you. You probably know what the problem is. Doing something about it is hard. And having someone you lust over  won't necessarily make you happy.

[Autumnwalks]

Depending on how old your children are, that's a lot of time and life wasted and spent unhappy and then children whatever their age have to deal with it at some point. Of course we don't know what the future brings in terms of health etc so it's not always a good idea to live for an ideal future. My daughter and her husband recently separated and the children have adjusted remarkably well. If he does everything in the house that would be a big change of course. It doesn't sound a happy way to live at all.

[CLKD]

Why now?   When did U realise that you are no longer happy with this arrangement?

Since the 2nd week of our marriage I have rarely cooked and DH doesn't tackle laundry or the dishwasher.  Except when I was in Hospital when he kept the washing up to date, walked the dog, fed the cats, went to work ...........

What do U want to do - where do U want to be in 4 weeks, 6 months, 12 months?  R U financially independent etc.. 

[CLKD]

How do U feel on reflexion?  What more would you like at this time of your Life?  Perhaps make a list of pros and cons .........

[ElkWarning]

Living with someone with ADHD is really exhausting, especially if they've got the whole OCD / be in control / must be done my way deal as well.  It sounds as if you're feeling really suffocated and, frankly, depressed.

Have you thought about speaking to your GP about how you feel (or don't feel as I'm reading it)?  Can you self-refer in your area to talking therapy?  I can't quite put my finger on it, but it's like all your needs are met in a way so as to shut you down, and then guilt trip you into accepting it.  There's also the issue that you seem to think this is your fault.  I do believe you might benefit from some clarity from an independent medical / therapist kind of person.

Hope you're ok.