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[MrsMitch]

Thank you ladies, I'm so fortunate to have you all. CLKD, yes I have written everything down but so far it's an essay  so I just have to edit it to bullet points!! But appreciate the suggestion because I know I'll forget once I get in there.
Can I just add, in case you think I'm a looney, I do realise there would be a chaperone,  that doesn't worry me because my husband is accompanying me, I just freeze at the thought of talking to a man about this. We were with friends some time back and us girls were talking all things meno and my friends husband started asking me about my symptoms to compare to his wife. I could barely say a word. My husband jumped in for me, thankfully. 
I'm just not comfortable.  Maybe I am a looney 

[suzysunday]

No, no, you are not a "looney".  I would be exactly the same, in fact would not want to talk about symptoms in mixed company.  We all have a right, male or female about what we are comfortable with concerning our bodies.

[HellsBells]

There is absolutely nothing wrong with you, and it is not helpful for other women to say that they 'wouldn't have a problem' or that it is ok because 'there is a chaperone'.

This is not about the risk of assault, this is about dignity and comfort. If you feel uncomfortable with a male doctor, that should be validated by every woman on here. What about the sisterhood? Surely gone are the days of a patriarchal system which shames and bullies women? We are entitled to our boundaries - they are our bodies.

Having said that - there ARE risks with safety and an assault can be a small  thing not necessarily noticed by a chaperone. There are hundreds of doctors who are predators - look at the case law or disciplinary notes. It is all a matter of public record. I have had it with those who would push women around in this way.

I had a creepy doctor when I was 18 who gave me unnecessary examinations (prior to a surgery) which I am sure he didn't need to do. I managed to say no to the worst, but looking back I wish I had been more confident.

 

[MrsMitch]

HB I cannot thank you enough for your post. My girl friends have been really dismissive of my concerns saying once you have children all dignity goes out the window. But I haven't had children! Plus, and I hadn't intended to mention it but I was so moved by what you said with so much empathy, when I was a little girl I had lots of problems with my 'twinkle ' as my friend calls it! I used to get terrible shooting pains up inside my vagina that went on for a few hours at a time. My mum used to be sat up all night with me. So off to the GP and it was a man. I may have been about 4/5 I think and although I didn't know what he was doing, I hated it. My mum was in the room too but I guess she thought he was just doing his job and maybe he was, but that was me dead set for life to never ever see a man again. When I was a teenager and along with my first period I had agonising pain and as the months went on it got worse until I was almost passing out. Mum called the GP but by then I'd told her no men. There were no female GPs at the practice either and I believe my mum spoke to her GP at an appointment she had and found that all the gynae specialists locally were also men. So that meant I did nothing and just took time off school, then work ( really affected that) up until menopause.
So I'm grateful to all you ladies for your on going help because all my girlfriends sailed through the menopause and cannot understand. 
So today I saw a lady yaay!!!!

[suzysunday]

I really feel for you mrsmitch.  Only a few years ago when I needed examinations at the hospital, I was mortified to see a few male gynaecologists.   I put up with them but hated it. Re HellsBells:  many years ago when I was only 18 and at university I had bouts of thrush, cystitis.  I went to the university male  doctor and he examined me in a manner that I realise now ( and then) was inappropriate, with no nurse in the room.  I was so young and no confidence he just got away with it. 

[MrsMitch]

Suzy I'm really sorry you went through that. Why do we have to? It's just not right and women have been treated appallingly by the health service for too many years.
I think more needs to be done to make us more aware that we can say NO. That we want someone else to see us or question if something is really necessary.  Just the same as more awareness of menopausal symptoms in general.  I'm fed up if being told to just open a window if I'm hot, by other women.
I suspect you're affected for life now? I really do feel for you too.

[suzysunday]

I was so bloody naive in those days.  I let people walk all over me.  Your friends have no right to be dismissive. It's sad to read of your childhood experiences.  Thankfully there are more female gps around.  I'm a bit tougher these days ( superficially!) and stick up for myself a bit more.  Like you I've not had children.

[HellsBells]

Mrs Mitch you are most welcome 

I would also add that I have had 5 surgeries, 2 types of cancer (both gender/sex related) and I am a barrister who trained in medical law and taught it. I know far too many awful cases perhaps. I know the system well (NHS and private) from a personal and professional perspective. I will go into bat for anyone pushed around by medical professionals with a god complex.

I am not anti-men (my breast surgeon was the BEST) but I am pro choice when it comes to practitioners. The surgeon who saved my life was respectful and gentle. He talked to me on my level and did a great job. Equally I have been treated badly by other surgeons (one wanted to go nuts removing stuff to make it easier for him) who will not accept any challenge. If I get a whiff of misogyny, sexism or any bullying or patronising behaviour I will ask for a second opinion or a woman. The NHS is not free - all taxpayers contribute. We have the right to be treated with respect.

I am always amazed how women lack empathy for others regarding the menopause. It can become a competition, as if they are responsible for an easy ride, not that we are just unlucky genetically/chemically. It was the same with periods. "Oh I don't have any problems" as if they are somehow blessed among women. I had a nightmare and didn't find out until my 40s I had adenomyosis (not my fault!).

SORRY FOR THE RANT ALL. 

[CLKD]

We are childless by choice.  No one told me that being so would increase my % of getting cancer of any type.  When I wanted to go on The Pill at 17, my GP said "What if my Religion didn't allow me to prescribe?"  "You have 2 put your Religion and personal feelings to one side!"  "Just like your Father" was the response.  I got the prescription ;-).

I've worked with some medics usually male, who were lovely, took time etc..  Others  .  I didn't have any truck with those either ;-)

[Ayesha]

I've been reading the thread with interest and remembering back to being a very young girl having an internal by female gynae at a famous teaching hospital in London. I was very nervous, I was only about 16 very shy and super naive. She did the examination and without warning called in a lot of young male students to look at the cervix. I have never forgotten the horrendous experience that today would be classed as abuse but from that day on it made me the woman I am today, I stand no nonsense from anyone and it made me very assertive.

 

[suzysunday]

My goodness Ayesha, that must have been an horrendous experience.  It shows that it is not a given that female health workers are preferable. It is really astounding how insensitive some people in authority can be.

[MrsMitch]

That is disgraceful. It makes me really angry to hear. Its not as if you could have got up and walked out when you're in that position.
I know things were very different,  unfortunately,  back then and you keep hearing stories like yours. And these experiences do shape the rest of our lives but I'm glad for you it's made you strong.
My maternal nana also lived with us when I was little and both her and my mum were from the generation that never questioned the 'professionals '. As a young adult I had learned this from them. Fortunately I'd never had any kind of treatment until my hysteroscopy. 
The first time I put my foot down was when I called the GP to report that I was experiencing spotting. She said I would first need to come in for an examination and she wanted to take a swab and test for UTIs. I told her that was impossible as I have VA and I haven't had sex for over a year (or more!). She was still insisting so I said I could not bear the pain. She still insisted.  So I just shouted ' what part of not having sex do you not understand!!".
You ladies on this forum have helped me be much more assertive.

[MrsMitch]

HB that's not a rant, it's the truth of your experiences.  One of my regular customers is a bank nurse. The stories she tells are quite an eye opener about the NHS and the one thing she said that stands out, particularly in light of your comment: surgeons think they are god.  She said they walk around with their massive egos expecting everyone to fawn over them and fall at their feet - the male ones, of course.
The consultant surgeon who did my hysteroscopy was a woman and really lovely.  I certainly didn't see any ego and apparently the staff told me she's top in her field. 
Humility is a beautiful but rare virtue.

[HellsBells]

Thanks MrsMitch