Sorry this is a long post.
So in the end I rang mental health crisis line.
The initial call handler who just basically listens if you just need to talk.....and then refers me as she thinks I need....she was so kind and so patient and listened with sympathy, kindness and compassion.
I was then rang back by a mental health person. She was less sympathetic and was very abrupt and matter of fact. I appreciate that she can't even begin to understand my situation but her feelings were 'we all go through menopause as women. You just have to suck it up and get through it'.
I was made to feel I was just whinging. There was absolutely no attempt to listen and offer sympathy and understand that in my case, being bedridden and very ill and dealing with menopause was nothing like your average healthy women going through it.....who has the capacity to still live life, be out working, socialising, be well (other than dealing with menopause)...
No one understands. Nobody.
Her only help was the usual that they always say coz what else can they do? Relaxation, medication (which react badly too and too scared to take) ...talking
I woke up this morning thinking life is just pointless now. I had very little life before menopause because of my M.E but at least I was able to function and get out n about and live best I could. I was happy and myself.Now, the impact of menopause has impacted my M.E and every part of me so severely, what little life I had before is gone.
Can you imagine dealing with all you're going through with your menopause but being completely bedridden, unable to escape all you feel...with no quality of life....just existing? I doubt you can.........unless you've experienced it.
The final reason being that not being tolerant to meds...or supplements...or being physically able to live my life outside of this bed....food was the only way I could support my body. Nourishing it that way.
2 weeks ago....my stomach began to be affected....its always been my weak spot....I thought maybe I'd get away with menopause affecting it so I could cling to at least being able to eat nice food and meals to sustain me.............but no.
My body is rejecting all food. Just like it has in episodes in the past...even my safer foods I go back to when my stomach is bad....it hates them too. So how do you live when you can't even eat?
So I'm just picking at things just to survive knowing my stomach will hate it and I'll be in discomfort and pain.
Partner says, you've gone through this before with your stomach, for months sometimes and then it just resolves and you're back to a normal healthy appetite and proper meals and all good again...........but I don't think that will be the case this time. Hormones just are making everything deteriorate.
All I hear is fermented this, fodmap that, no gluten, no this, no that, don't eat this, don't eat that....I can't cope with all that. You won't be able to understand but.....
I've gone 12 months without a period. I'm noticing more and more, the symptoms are becoming more severe. Clearly the anxiety and doom..the increase in symptoms elsewhere...
I just can't do this. It's too much. I physically haven't the energy to take on menopause. It's hard enough coping with chronic fatigue syndrome.
I'm sure you must all be sick of my posts and negativity. But my life is one you could only ever understand if you live it I used to be so strong and cope well with my limited life....but since menopause my capacity for coping with ANYTHING has gone . ..I feel nothing but overwhelm and just not able to deal with anything. Its awful. I've lived 30 years with M.E and never once thought I want to end my life or not be able to handle a situation that presents itself....but now I feel I cannot copecat all...not like me one bit. I've lost my brain. I'm not the same girl. I feel I'm letting everyone down.
Just feel utterly no point.
(And the santa emojis are really annoying!! Christmas isn't a wonderful time for alot of people and can be very triggering..and seeing them all over posts is unnecessary...sorry...just saying)
X
