Hi all
I pretty much live alone I'm not married, I never planned on getting married, but I have a community of people around me so I've not exactly alone and it was by choice. So that's not the problem here.
But my significant others are quite a distance away and some are older. And I'm struggling to find a balance between going to see them and taking care of myself. Part of taking care of myself is going to see at least one or two of them regularly, because not seeing them is tragic to me, it worries me more and they are not good with travel for various reasons.
But with my fatigue and their inability to travel for various reasons, one also has mental health issues, which are actually not a problem in anyway except that they cannot focus to organise a visit to me (and it's a 'can't' rather than a 'won't, and I don't push it because they are very overactive so it's easier for me to go to them and control the amount of time I'm with them). I love this person in particular, so I don't want to not see them, but for example today I've got to travel halfway to their's to get a medication from a pharmacy that's only available there. So it would be an ideal time to go the other half and see them, but I doubt I'll do it.
I'm wiped out. I'm a little anxious about the increases in break ins where I live, not been sleeping, not sleeping well in menopause anyway but that's making it heightened. I'm just wrecked today. Then there's all the food intolerances I've developed since 'the change' I ate soya yesterday and today my body is trying to get rid of it with a vengeance, so not a good time to travel, but it'll probably settle.
So much has changed in 2 years and my S/O's are older than me by at least a decade, so while I'm taking care of myself and saying I'm not up to it today, they are getting older by the minute.
I just didn't think travelling an hour away would be such a task for me so soon at 53. I thought I'd maybe start slowing that sort of thing down around 68 maybe, and only slowing down, but...
struggling, thinking about how old people never visit one another and sit alone in their homes and now wishing I'd sorted living nearer to others long before now (again, not so much for me but for them and because I can't be happy if they're not happy, plus I don't want to live a life where we never see each other) But even if I look into it now (moving nearer to those I love), my mother is just around the corner from me and relying on me.
It just all makes me sad.