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[Honeybee2]

I have been on such an awful journey and it’s really hard to explain  and put it all in this post . If you look back on my previous posts I have been a mess and the way I felt nearly sent me crazy it’s been an awful couple of years .I will try and sum it up

A couple of years ago I started what can only be described as extreme symptoms it scared me how I felt and no one joined the dots and thought it was menopause related until I hit rock bottom .
 I couldn’t sleep waking up drenched in sweat fast heartbeat my brain couldn’t think I had a constant nervous feeling in my body like I was waiting for an interview and basically my life stopped I was only getting a few hours of sleep at night waking up with a fast heartbeat sweating and felt adjitated like I wanted to run away I would just cry and cry and often go and drive somewhere and sit for hours just trying to clear my head my beautiful family we’re so supportive and kind and felt helpless .
I would take myself up to A&E thinking I was seriously ill or I had a disease my heart felt like it was beating out of my chest and felt very Unwell like my body was out of control they did tests and always came back clear I felt like a fraud and embarrassed that I had waisted their time . But needed and desperate for answers to what was going on .
One day I turned up at my doctors and just stood in the reception area crying and pleading for help.desperate and felt completely overwhelmed .I felt like my life was over . I had numerous very extensive tests bloods scans ecgs everything and all came back normal but I far from felt normal this went on for months and months  I was referred to my practice mental health nurse who suggested that it could be all related to menopause and contacted my GP who suggested trying HRT . By this time I was mentally traumatised by it all and at this point I was experiencing panic attacks and couldn’t work .
I started HRT continuous utrogestran 100mg and oestrogen gel I started on a very small dose of the gel and slowly increased leaving time between . I was on 1 pump to begin with then 2 pumps and then changed to patches Everol 50 but still felt horrible but also felt slight improvements so added in an extra pump of gel to top up the patch that equated to 75 as advised by my dr I then was given a 75 patch as still didn’t feel balanced anxious and night sweats as the weeks went on my sleep improved and felt more like me better days were beginning to happen I felt less anxious and the constant butterflies in my tummy subsided.
While this journey to balance my hormones was happening I also lost my mum who I was extremely close to The pain of losing her was beyond awful and had to deal with grief aswell as everything else .horrendous!
This morning I am sitting her feeling low again and slightly lonely and thought I would post on here with hope for some advise and reassurance  as over the past few weeks my sleep has become bad again waking early at 4ish and waking with a fast heartbeat and sweating . This all seemed to settle for a while since about March when I increased my Evorel patch to 75 .
Why am I feeling rough again ? It frightens me that I am going to be very bad again. I am having cbt therapy for health anxiety as feel all this has effected me mentally . Will I ever feel completely normal ? Thank you for reading xxx can anyone relate . Wishing you all well xxx

[discogirl]

Hi Honeybee2

I'm so sorry you've had such an awful time and yes I can relate to most of the things you've gone through as many women on here can as well.

My journey started in feb '22, when I developed unilateral tinnitus, insomnia and chronic anxiety. Prior to that I had a good life, I was a happy positive person, and I could sleep on the proverbial clothes line. Whether or not the tinnitus was related to menopause, I don't know. My gp initially put me on amitrypline (I still take 10mg every morning) however it was not until July of last year than I began to wonder if my symptoms were menopausal (I am 4 yrs post meno) as I thought I had merrily skipped my way through menopause. (I started hrt in August last year)

I initially started on patches, but I still wasn't sleeping the anxiety was terrible, like you I was crying and I was a shell of my former self. However what did help was my amazing hubby and supportive family.

I eventually went onto oestrogel, I now take 3 pumps a day, I take 100mg utrogestan, but it has been the utrogestan that I've had to tweak quite a bit. I feel I cannot take it at night as I feel wired so I take in the mornings. I have taken it vaginally in the mornings but just recently I've gone back to taking it orally in the mornings.

I also lost my mum in 2008, so I can relate to the feelings of loss and loneliness.

Can I ask whereabouts are you in menopause?  xxxx

[Honeybee2]

Thank you Dico girl for your reply x
It’s reassuring knowing others have been where I have been and can relate to this awful feeling . Sorry to read about the loss of your mum aswell
I just got back into bed and chatted wit( my husband for reassurance as my pulse is fast and feel strange sometimes I feel like he is my councillor he is so patient with me .
I started HRT when I was 51 I am now 53 at first dr put me on utrogestran but with a 3 day break as periods were very few and far between I didn’t bleed on the break so after a few months changed me to continuous utrogestran to avoid the dips and hopefully help my mood and anxiety I have been on continuous ever since .
It’s this early waking with anxiety and sweating I find difficult I have become scared of the feeling .I become irrational with what if it’s this and what if it’s that and worry myself silly that’s something’s been missed even though I have been thoroughly checked out medically xx

[Flossieteacake]

Hello Honeybee. With loosing your Mum it is understandable to have health anxiety let alone anxiety. It was such a traumatic time for you and with your beautiful bond you miss her deeply.

It is so positive you are having therapy as this will help such a lot. Health anxiety is such a horrid thing to have and the CBT will help to give you strategies to manage it.

You will not always feel this way. I know right now it feels like you will, but you will not. This is a very bad time but there is hope. You are doing all the right things. You are reaching out and you are having therapy. That takes such courage. I think you should be proud of yourself for that.

[Honeybee2]

Thank you Flossiecake you helped me when I posted last time xx
Some days I feel so lost with it all .
I try to think positive and try my best to get through this awful time it just dosent feel normal to feel this way but I am sure others have felt this lack of confidence in their body and worry that it’s not normal .
yes losing mum and the way she passed has definitely given me health anxiety.
What I have been through has changed me I was life and soul of the party now I feel like a quivering wreck . I don’t recognise myself anymore

[Flossieteacake]

Thank you Flossiecake you helped me when I posted last time xx
Some days I feel so lost with it all .
I try to think positive and try my best to get through this awful time it just dosent feel normal to feel this way but I am sure others have felt this lack of confidence in their body and worry that it’s not normal .
yes losing mum and the way she passed has definitely given me health anxiety.
What I have been through has changed me I was life and soul of the party now I feel like a quivering wreck . I don’t recognise myself anymore

Perhaps you are putting too much pressure on yourself to think positive? Sometimes I think we do not allow ourselves to 'feel'. We are often told to think of the bright side of things or be thankful for what we do have. I personally do not find that helpful for myself. You are allowed to grieve and you are allowed to feel sad or low.

I understand you feel like a different person now. Meno does seem to have that effect on some of us. It can be hard to think of the differences in how you were before to now. It does not mean you will always feel like this. You cannot possibly know how you will feel in a few months time. You may feel less anxious and more settled.

Fluctuating hormones do not help. You can feel very up and down while that is happening. Please be gentle with yourself.

[Honeybee2]

Thank you flossieteacake
I will remember your words and try to think less and go with my feelings xxx much love x

[Flossieteacake]

Thank you flossieteacake
I will remember your words and try to think less and go with my feelings xxx much love x

Please post as much as you want to. We are all here to support you.

[CLKD]

It's awful.  Hormonal ups and downs can take a huge toll.  Sometimes, rather than increasing a patch/gel every night, it is better for the body to apply the extra every 3rd night for a while to give the body time to adjust.  Trial and Error can be so tiring!

It's The Change - does what it says on the tin.  Peri and menopause are normal but can throw up unexpected symptoms.  Don't try to be all things to all people.  Take time out for you to ride these changes.  4 me I was worse from anytime after 4.00 a.m.  until mid-morning.

Let us know how you go along. 

[Honeybee2]

Thankyou CLKD I was just sitting here thinking maybe I need to increase my oestrogen as my symptoms are creeping back ?
I will see but also feel reluctant as I know this is the maximum dose if I increase to 100 patch . Maybe I could apply small amount of gel and see if things settle down …. Slowly does it xxx
I hope you are well you like many others on here you give such dedicated time and encouragement to women .you should feel proud that you help so many .
I am very grateful x

[Flossieteacake]

Although 100 oestrogen is the maximum dose a GP can prescribe, a menopause clinic can prescribe more. If after being on 75 for 3 months you feel 75 is not enough for you then I do not see any harm in increasing the oestrogen. You could even add 12.5 extra rather then 25 extra.

[Losingtheplot]

Ahh big hugs hunni. I totally relate to how you are feeling I had a very bad few months everything came at once,  intense sweats and burning on chest, neck and fsce. VA, brain fog the early morning churning at 3am. Panic attacks just all happened at once. I started HRT 1st lot didnt suit me 2nd try of HRT has helped me massively! It took about 8 weeks to start feeling symptoms improving. The intense heat resolved first quite quickly actually so yoi will defo get there hunni. Need to give the HRT time to work. Do.you think you could maybe benefit from some anti depressants to help with your.anxiety and I can't begin to imagine what your going through with losing your dear mam. My heart breaks for you xxxx
Things will get better like Flossie says. At the minute you will feel that this is it but things do improve just takes some time. Stick in there as I am feeling more like me again. I don't expect too much of myself on days where I can feel things are a struggle. I share how I feel with my family and hubby and ask for support and this helps so much. Don't take on too much hunni ask hubby etc for help with tasks. Make sure you take sometime for you everyday that was valuable.advice I was given on here by some lovely ladies and it defo helps.
Be kind to yourself and remember you will get there xxx

[SarahT]

Honeybee,
I just wanted to say hello and send a hug. I think you have just written my own story down. Massive ups and downs, crying at the drs, feeling I am going mad. I lost my own mum in January and am not really facing up to that yet.
I have found making a mood of symptom diary helps me. My own symptoms are very much h worse in relation to my own cycle and knowing a pattern helps me sort it a bit in my mind. My gp has increased my hrt on this basis to try to suppress my own cycle (am peri) and even things out.

One thing. I would be LOST without the support of everyone on this forum. And like you, the love of my understanding but bewildered husband.

Post as much as you need xx

[Honeybee2]

Thank you Flossieteacake and losingtheplot … great  names by the way
Flossie thank you for advise I will consider the increase and do it slowly xxx thank you


Losing the plot thank you like the others who have replied I am truly grateful
Sounds like you have been there aswell it’s  awful isent it … pleased to read that you are feeling more human xxx I tried antidepressants and made things worse so don’t want them to be honest .I feel that once my body is hormonal balanced I will feel more happier just need my hormones to feel stable . Its obviously hormonal as I saw improvements when I increased my strength of patch and along side the classic improvements of sweats and palpatations the anxiety improved aswell  Maybe I am not quite there yet with my hrt dosage xxx

Sending you both a warm hug x

[Losingtheplot]

Thank you Flossieteacake and losingtheplot … great  names by the way
Flossie thank you for advise I will consider the increase and do it slowly xxx thank you


Losing the plot thank you like the others who have replied I am truly grateful
Sounds like you have been there aswell it’s  awful isent it … pleased to read that you are feeling more human xxx I tried antidepressants and made things worse so don’t want them to be honest .I feel that once my body is hormonal balanced I will feel more happier just need my hormones to feel stable . Its obviously hormonal as I saw improvements when I increased my strength of patch and along side the classic improvements of sweats and palpatations the anxiety improved aswell  Maybe I am not quite there yet with my hrt dosage xxx

Sending you both a warm hug x

Hi I totally get it I don't think mine was depression related either as this did feel different so I believe mine was hormonal too. Once HRT has been right for me my body has responded in a positive way I am pleased to say. I am only on low dosage of Ad so see where I am at 6 months and can adjust if needs be. Think I was just so frightened by it all and just took various things to see what helped. You will get there increase your HRT and give it time to work and I know.you will get there. I really hope the therapy is helpful for you too. I am waiting for CBT therapy but have a long wait. Its just so should I experience any of the awful symtoms of the crippling anxiety I have coping.
mechanisms.

Take care we are.all.here for each other.
Flossie and Sarah T amongst many others on here helped me.so much when I was struggling and i will always be internally grateful. These hormones play havoc with our minds and bodies but we will get there we are strong women.all.of.us and will have days where things are too much. But we get thru it even if its a struggle. All my love to you and take care xxx