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[KaraShannon]

Hi peeps

It's been a while, I've had a few things to grapple with, but getting there now and will chat about it all soon.

Meanwhile, had a lot of stress in the last week and been busy all day and everyday and into the nights.  Today a very needy friend was talking to me over the phone and I started to say something and my mind just went blank.  But it was more than blank.  I can't even really describe what happened, that's what worries me.  A good 6 or 7 seconds happened before I said 'sorry, my head is funny,' and that's all I could say.  He was quiet I think he knew it was a bit strange (he's never quiet).

Now I'm worried about stroke.  Since I've been on too high a dose of oestrogen I've had very odd symptoms, headaches, I had a headache just before this happened.

When I'm on the combined patches I feel a lot better and I've just started the combined again last thursday.  I'm on evorel sequi.  I need to get a blood test but I was ill and didn't make the last test. 

I saw a relative develop a rare form of dementia.  Pretty scared to be honest.  I don't know if this is anxiety talking or what.  I've also got the postural hypotension back, but again it should leave soon now I'm back on combined for a while. 

I just hope other's tell me they've had this and been told it's not a TIA    I know I can't have medical advice, but if these things can be part of menopause and not be serious it would offer some reassurance, but of course I will check it out with the doctor. I just felt I couldn't summon the words, but I was talking to someone who doesn't listen, jumps in all the time and I know that played a part.  Could I have asked for help in that moment?  Yes.  I could have spoken and done basic stuff, but I couldn't assemble all the words I needed to convince my friend about something he was worried about.  It was more about I didn't know which words to choose or how to say it. 

And writing about this is making me anxious and then I'm getting a shivering feeling in my legs.  I've had this before, only since the pandemic, usually followed by a chest infection.  But the legs might be the hrt, since I started that just before the lockdown started as well.

My doctor's surgery is not good at all.  I need a doctor who will listen to my anxieties first.

Sorry everyone, not a good day.

[KaraShannon]

One thing to note, I was very dehydrated for some reason and also seemed to have a bit of a urine infection (or at least the symptoms), which has eased off with fluids.

[DottyD68]

Hi Karashannon,

Please try not to worry.

I had a similar experience 2 or 3 years ago when I was talking to my husband about a scene in Line of Duty which involved the word Handcuffs. My mind literally went blank as I couldn't recall the word. At all. I could visualise them but couldn't recall what they were called. My husband was just staring at me waiting for me to finish my sentence which made it worse and I then had a panic / flush which made it worse again. He provided the word I was looking for and thought my reaction was funny but it really disturbed me the feeling of blankness. It has happened very occasionally since then but I try not to let it worry me too much. I put it down to one of the very many wierd symptoms this phase of life presents us with.

Hope you are feeling better today x

[CLKD]

Within normal limits I would suggest.  A friend and I have complete conversations with 'lost' words but we understand each other 

Also: if this friend was 'going on', your mind probably wandered 

[KaraShannon]

Thanks DottyD68 and CLKD

I've woken up today still worried.  I've got a bit of migraine going on, I don't have full on migraines, I just get 'migrainey' and then very sensitive to sound.  That's happening at the moment, so I keep reassuring myself that yesterday was about that.  I know when I've had this migraine before with labyrinthitis I also get the shivery legs, so it's feeling a bit more familiar today. 

In the middle of it happening yesterday I was thinking that people sometimes go weird like that in conversation and it's a stroke symptom, but while I was thinking all that I wasn't telling my friend what I was just about to tell him.  So there was anxiety thrown in, but it was still different to normal word finding problems which I've always had, this was a whole subject articulation problem.

Not doing great today either.  I've got other stuff happening, I might mention privately, not bad stuff but added stress.

I seem to be anxious about everything at the moment and particularly my health.  In my life there is no one looking out for me anymore.  No one is worried about me, calls to check on me, asks if I'm ok, nothing.  They all want to talk to me, but it's to talk at me to tell me about their lives or problems, or for me to visit them etc.  I know that sounds like a whinge, but it's got that way in the past few years.

Sorry all, I'm going to try and make it a nice day, I will visit my mother, just to get away from the tidying I need to do here.

[CLKD]

Stress upon stress = anxiety surges.  How is your diet?

[Penguin]

I might be wrong, but I would have thought if it was a stroke symptom, you wouldn't have had the awareness of it happening like you did. My mum had a tia (mini stroke) and went blank but also had slurred speech and what she did say was nonsensical. But asked about it afterwards, she thought she was absolutely fine, wasn't aware of any blanks and thought she was speaking fine. So in the case of a strike, a blank really is a blank where its noticed by others rather than yourself.
Sounds a lot more like stress, dehydration, migraine or other hormonal blip to me x

[DottyD68]

Karashannon,

I hope you've had a nice day with your Mum.

Health Anxiety is the worst in my opinion and totally consuming and exhausting. You know it's irrational but that doesn't help. You get over one thing with huge relief only to identify another life-ending symptom (Which doesn't exist). It's nuts - literally - and I wish I had a magic wand to get rid of it.

In terms of feeling that others don't care I also can relate to that. I've always been a natural carer and supporter of others- I just want to fix things for people and I'm always checking in on people see if they are ok. However I have realised during/since the pandemic when I was going through a really rough time with my elderly mother (diagnosed with Alzheimers) on top of the menopause and lockdown etc. that in my time of need only a very small number of people reached out to me to offer support and appreciated what a terrible time I was going through. I realised that my friendships were mostly one-way and that was probably my fault for making myself so available. I have since trimmed down my circle of "friends" who I reach out to and it is surprising how many people I don't hear from now unless I contact them first. I suggest you do the same and focus on those people who actively care about you.

 Someone once told me that people like us are like a life raft. We are holding everyone else up but you can only hold so many before the life raft sinks. I think it's a great analogy.

Its time for you to look after yourself and try and reduce any unnecessary stress. Take care x

[KaraShannon]

I might be wrong, but I would have thought if it was a stroke symptom, you wouldn't have had the awareness of it happening like you did. My mum had a tia (mini stroke) and went blank but also had slurred speech and what she did say was nonsensical. But asked about it afterwards, she thought she was absolutely fine, wasn't aware of any blanks and thought she was speaking fine. So in the case of a strike, a blank really is a blank where its noticed by others rather than yourself.
Sounds a lot more like stress, dehydration, migraine or other hormonal blip to me x

Thanks Penguin

I ended up having a bit of migraine and labyrinthitis for a week, it's now back today slightly but stresses have raised again in the last two days.  I think I probably had some sort of virus and it will resolve.  It was just scary.

Scarier because I am too anxious to go to the doctor's atm.  That's another story, plus it's not easy at my surgery, they can't help with the anxiety because they have no resources or time, basically nothing is getting done.

[KaraShannon]

However I have realised during/since the pandemic when I was going through a really rough time with my elderly mother (diagnosed with Alzheimers) on top of the menopause and lockdown etc. that in my time of need only a very small number of people reached out to me to offer support and appreciated what a terrible time I was going through. I realised that my friendships were mostly one-way and that was probably my fault for making myself so available. I have since trimmed down my circle of "friends" who I reach out to and it is surprising how many people I don't hear from now unless I contact them first. I suggest you do the same and focus on those people who actively care about you.

 Someone once told me that people like us are like a life raft. We are holding everyone else up but you can only hold so many before the life raft sinks. I think it's a great analogy.

Thanks Dotty

There wouldn't be anyone if I stopped contacting people.  Actually, I don't contact anyone now and they don't contact me.  One or two call and they talk about themselves.

It's surprising just how many people can switch off from others really easily.  A family I used to have a lot to do with, used to stay with them when I was young, for years and years, went on holiday with them etc, the father was like a second father to me.  Well he died recently and no one even told me.  I found out from a random meeting in a supermarket. 

What gets me about people who just drift off and don't care is they never really have to face the music about how they've behaved.  But that's another story.

Sorry it's just not a good day (again, lol)

[CLKD]

I no longer tell my family about any health issues.  Nowt to do with them.  I have a good Husband, GP and dental surgeon.  When depressed in the 1990s I didn't get the support from Mum that I was needing .........

Finding out about your '2nd Dad' via the grapevine is insensitive and unkind.  I would be furious! and extremely hurt.  Many have problems of their own and become completely engrossed.  Which is why I have cut my social group down a lot.

[KaraShannon]

I no longer tell my family about any health issues.  Nowt to do with them.  I have a good Husband, GP and dental surgeon.  When depressed in the 1990s I didn't get the support from Mum that I was needing .........

Finding out about your '2nd Dad' via the grapevine is insensitive and unkind.  I would be furious! and extremely hurt.  Many have problems of their own and become completely engrossed.  Which is why I have cut my social group down a lot.

I'm not married, have a best friend and we take care of each other but recently I'm doing more of the care.  He would if he listened long enough to know there were problems.

GP, I had a good GP, he retired.  I have a couple of others at the surgery that I like but I have some deep rooted anxiety stuff going on about health which, well I like those GP's but they won't pick up on my problems like the old GP would and I'm not going to tell them, not at the moment anyway, I'm just not up to it (and yes it scares me that I'm like this).

Dentist, they are good, I just need to get booked in.  I can start there, but I'm moving soon so energy going into that.

Sorry, as I say just not a good day 

Understand what you mean about cutting down social groups.  And yes pretty annoyed about the situation with that man who used to be a dad figure, I travelled and holidayed with the family and saw them every day for years.  They took me under their wing and treated me like a daughter.  But nothing I can do about it, it clearly doesn't matter.  I get they would have been in a highly stressful situation but 6 months down the line I'm told due to a random meeting (that may never have occurred) in a supermarket.

[Penguin]

KaraShannon
I know how it feels to be too anxious to go to the doctors, I was like that for about two years and only got past it by finding one doctor who I could trust and then scheduling regular check ins with him, so nothing had time to build up. However, it doesn't sound like that is possible for you at the moment. What are you fearful of telling them, your physical concerns or mental health ones? If mental health, I am wondering if you could contact Mind or similar and see if they have support lines you could call and talk to someone. I do know that once I did go to the doctor about whatever I was worrying about, every single time he was able to reassure me that I had either misinterpreted my symptom as something else, or had taken one thing totally out of context. So while it was scary to go, I did leave feeling better. And looking back now, I wish I'd gone sooner. It is bloody hard though, I worried for over a year about one thing that I was too scared to go to the doctor for, and it was only when I had to go for something else (like literally had no choice) that I was able to bring it up and it turned out to be nothing.

[KaraShannon]

KaraShannon
I know how it feels to be too anxious to go to the doctors, I was like that for about two years and only got past it by finding one doctor who I could trust and then scheduling regular check ins with him, so nothing had time to build up. However, it doesn't sound like that is possible for you at the moment. What are you fearful of telling them, your physical concerns or mental health ones? If mental health, I am wondering if you could contact Mind or similar and see if they have support lines you could call and talk to someone. I do know that once I did go to the doctor about whatever I was worrying about, every single time he was able to reassure me that I had either misinterpreted my symptom as something else, or had taken one thing totally out of context. So while it was scary to go, I did leave feeling better. And looking back now, I wish I'd gone sooner. It is bloody hard though, I worried for over a year about one thing that I was too scared to go to the doctor for, and it was only when I had to go for something else (like literally had no choice) that I was able to bring it up and it turned out to be nothing.

thanks for listening Penguin, I think you are right, I need to build up a new relationship with a doctor, it's just been hard with the pandemic and then our surgery is overwhelmed. 

I even tried writing to a doctor but no one read it except reception (who I didn't want to read it but that's a different matter). 

It's physical health I'm concerned about, not overly but since some awful medical stuff happened to family I just don't seem to want to go and be seen.  I know it's not good long term but I keep putting it off.  Also once I was told I had something serious and it turned out not to be.  Thankfully, but I was told it in the wake of something else awful happening, so it had a hundred times the impact on me. 

So I think this is a mental health issue, ptsd related, but its the physical I'm focused on. 

But you are right, I must focus on building up a relationship with a doctor, that's a start.  I might change surgeries but the reason I haven't done that is because usually you have a medical to join a new surgery    catch 22 

[Penguin]

What I did (and still do when my anxiety is bad over a health thing) is turn up to the appointment with a list either on paper or as notes on my phone which I then hand mu doctor to read. It saves me rambling and going off point, and makes sure I have said everything I want to say. It has definitely helped both me and the doctor, and they then dig in and ask questions as necessary.
I think you could turn up to a first appointment and say that you don't want the medical straight away, but mental health help first. I refused a BP check recently which I was meant to have before my repeat prescription for hrt was signed off. Gp agreed to let me do it at home on a day I was calmer and send results in. Could that be an option?