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[Penguin]

Hi
First Post here although have been lurking for awhile and picked up lots of great info already. Am 48, think I've been in peri for past 3 years or so, most noticeably in last 12 months. Tried to deal with it naturally until the anxiety got so bad I had a near breakdown last summer over a health scare and following the death of my mum. Started low dose citalopram in August and hrt at end of December (estrogel and utrogestan, the latter which I'm using vaginally due to sensitive tummy) and it's definitely helped a number of things. I do have a few niggles tho so decided to join so I could ask some questions and gain / give support! Look forward to speaking to you all  .
Penguin x

[SarahT]

Hello Penguin,
Big welcome. I used to lurk on the forum too, but so good to have a place to ask and rant.

Always someone to help with all the varying niggles.
😅

[Flossieteacake]

Hello Penguin and welcome to the forum. I am so sorry to hear you lost your Mum.

It is great you have found the citalopram and HRT helpful.

[CLKD]

Hi!  Bereavement throws up all kinds of feelings.    MayB keeping a mood/food/syptom diary will be of use.  Ask away, we don't bite.  Unless there's a Y in the day ;-)

 

[Penguin]

Thanks for the welcome,  it has certainly been a rough ride. I thought I was dealing with the grief well, surprisingly well, until it all hit about 9 months later. Am sure it sped up or at least made all the hormone stuff worse, and definitely more frightening, I've not really felt truly "safe" since, if that makes sense.

Thank you yes, a mood / food diary is a good idea, given some of the niggles I'll post about soon it may stop me chasing my tail so much in trying to work out what is causing what 

[SarahT]

Hi penguin,
I find a mood diary helps me. I am starting to see a pattern as to when I am worse mood wise. Like you I am trying to worry through all the symptoms going on. But overwhelming at time isn't it?
Do not underestimate the grief of losing your mum,  charging itself is a huge change to your life.

When you say you no longer feel 'safe' I wonder if it is kind of feeling vulnerable? I feel a bit scared and clingy sometimes., So unsettled. Again, a mood diary may help you. writing things down sometimes helps stop my thoughts from going round in circles.

Best thing with this forum is you know you aren't alone in all this.
X

[Penguin]

Yes SarahT, it is exactly that. I have been very clingy with my husband and even panicky when my counsellor goes on holiday. I even went through a stage of not wanting to go to places on my own anymore as I found it too overwhelming. But it definitely coincided with the hormones too as, once I started the hrt, a lot of my old confidence came back and I can now make train trips on my own. Still need to get back to driving though, my poor husband does all the driving atm.
I think, even though my mum was 87 when she passed and dependent on me for everything (she lived with us), there was still a feeling of 'my mum's here, she makes everything alright'. Its easing now though and I am working on developing my resilience, particularly around health areas as that is my main source of anxiety, but I still get blindsided by things when symptoms are unexplainable or don't resolve as quick as I'd like. That's why reading these forum posts had been so reassuring, while I don't wish how I feel on anyone, it is good to know I am not alone and that other people have similar worries and weird, random symptoms!

[CLKD]

Grief has no boundaries nor time line.  I'm usually OK at the time, then I get overwhelmed months/years down the line, often with something totally unrelated.

 

If your Mum was living with you there will be a huge gap too.  Little steps.  Take time to sniff the roses.  🌹

[Penguin]

This is so true! i found myself getting annoyed with my cousin (who I don't even see) re her interaction with my aunt.  It was only through speaking to my counsellor and digging deeper that I realised, it was more about my jealousy that my cousin still had her mum amd I didn't!

[SarahT]

Can relate to that penguin! Had cbt to help for anger at still having periods at age 56, all went well,then  the subject shifted completely to my self image difficulties and past eating disorders. I think counselling can help so much. We think we know what our problems, or causes are.... Then someone helps you see things in a completely different light.

Just signed up for more talking therapy for struggling with peri and all the madness that goes with it. It's bloody hard sometimes isn't it?

Good for you seeking help x
 

[Penguin]

It certainly is good to have help seeing tbings differently, I can't seem to do it on my own. Whenever I am telling my counsellor about my latest health worry (my anxiety is mainly health but then that impacts other things too like driving or social situations, I tend to hide away when I'm really bad), the first thing she asks is what is really going on, and what am I avoiding thinking about / dealing with. She thinks a lot of the time it is easier for my anxiety to divert to health rather than face up to worries about money, kids, my mum (she was declining for a long time before passing) whatever. She's been right a lot of the time to be fair, although I do genuinely believe there is a specific type of anxiety in menopause that is physiologically driven. I guess then it is about how you react to it, manage it etc,  and that is a work in progress for me!

[SarahT]

I agree that peri\meno has its own form of anxiety.
 I often feel the need to hide away from people, I choose walks some days where I just don't want to bump into anyone when I am on a really bad day hormone symptom wise. Never like this before peri got so bad.

A work in progress indeed Penguin. It's so good you have the professional support working with your counsellor. I know when I did, I would sometimes quietly fume at the way she made me see things.... She was right but I didn't always want to accept it until I let it seep into my mind and mull it over!
The way I see it is that the mind and body have such an impact on each other, that sometimes when the physical symptoms are bad, and we seek help for those, sometimes we also  need the mind  have some help at the same time. Both physical health  and mental health are so much part of ourselves,and they deserve equal help at times.

Hugs and Wishing you well

[Penguin]

Haha quietly fume, same here. I told my counsellor last week that I'd felt grumpy at her since the week before as she'd suggested a very obvious parallel between a friend of my son's who I found difficult, and what I was like as a child. It still makes me annoyed thinking about it 

[SarahT]

Hah! Drat.

 Isn't annoying when someone points out an obvious 'fault' and we desperately don't want to agree with....but deep down we know we will have to accept it..... One day, but not just yet thank you very much! 🙄

[Kathleen]

Hello ladies.

I just wanted to add that there are some emotional problems that I believe are totally driven by the menopause.

I am a long way post meno and a few years ago I came off all HRT to see where I was naturally. I had experienced mood swings etc along with other meno symptoms but the tearfulness that appeared without any HRT was off the scale. I would suddenly be overcome with sobs for no reason ie while quietly eating my lunch. Many times I found that tears were rolling down my cheeks and I couldn't tell you why. The worst part was that I kept thinking that I would suddenly burst into tears at random times. Even talking to people in the street became a concern because I thought I might suddenly break down.
I even got to thinking that I couldn't go out or talk to people in case I started to blubber.
Other times of course I felt fine and back to normal.
I spoke to my GP and told him that I was crying a lot of the time and he confirmed that it was because I had come off HRT.

I am back on a medium dose now and I am still emotional and wobbly but not as bad as before. A few months ago I reduced to an even lower dose and the crying spells ramped up again so I am sticking with the medium dose for now and trying lifestyle changes as well.

I am sure that there are many ways  to improve our health at this time in our lives and it is worth exploring them all.

Wishing you well ladies and take care.

K.