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[SarahT]

This may be an odd question,but is peri always a constant struggle? And I mean every day.

I am on estradot 75, and the mirena coil. My worse symptoms are erratic mood swings, still up and down, and now worsening joint pains. I have been diagnosed as osteoarthritis in both hips, and await physio, but every day I struggle to cope and accept all the physical and emotional symptoms. They seem to vary and are just relentless. It feels too much some days.
I am sure my own hormones mingling  along with the hrt don't help.

I genuinely do not feel I have depression, been there and this feels so much different. Some days I can barely do more than function, and that isn't through lack of motivation. It feels like swimming through treacle and so can only do a fraction of what I could do even a few weeks ago. this makes my anxiety higher.
I try and do everything right. Never smoked, don't drink, vegetarian and a good diet, exercises as much as health and time allows, at least one good walk a day, yoga and stretching.sleep Crap again due to night sweats and joint pain waking me up through the night. Supportive and loving husband is fab.

Sorry to go on but is it supposed to be this hard? Trying to stay grateful that at least the  coil has stopped periods and the horrific pmt but still get moody and tearful and short tempered, feel unable to cope.can't multi task at all now. Brain fog makes me lose simple words.

Is this as good as it gets?

[Flossieteacake]

I am so sorry to hear this Sarah. I would say it is very different for every single person. I get a lot of times like the ones you describe. It is hard to have to suddenly have physical and mental issues and then to learn how to accept them. I often wish this could have waited a while so at least I would have some more years without having to deal with it.

It is hard to know what to do about the mental side of meno because for some people antidepressants or anxiety medication does not help. Perhaps some kind of therapy would help were you could discuss this and the therapist could help you work this through.

Rather then waiting for the time I feel better I just try and get though each day. This helps me to cope as I panic if I look ahead into the future. I know we are all different. Just wanted you to know you are not alone with how you feel and I am sending you a virtual hug.

[SarahT]

Thank you Flossie, I very much accept your virtual hug. X

Like you I do try to just live the day, and even the to accept those really hard days too, not to think too far ahead. I have worked out a few little methods to make sure I don't get overwhelmed with day to day tasks etc. Some days I think I am plastering on a smile of acceptance but it's all crumbling underneath.
I did have CBT, just before I started hrt as I thought hrt  was 'cheating', as everyone else in my sphere  did not have many sypmtoms of peri\meno. Only with this forum did I realise that is so not true for many not us. CBT then  was helping me cope with my anger and stress of still getting stupidly regular periods at 56,again, with this forum I know that whilst a minority, I  am not alone at this age.

I can function, some days I have a bit more energy, feel a bit like me again, and I  understand I can only do one thing at a time, that it really is ok to say, "no, I can't multi task, just prioritise, get done what I can". Anything that comes up unexpectedly does freak me out I admit.

But honestly, I am trying so hard. I know I was in pieces without hrt. Seriously low,I was also on AD to help with anxiety, but been off them for 6  months.
I have never expected a magic wand, that hrt  would cure all and I would skip merrily into the sunset. I have increased from 50 to 75 in the last 3 or 4 weeks. Should I increase again? Or wait to see if it will kick in? some women seem to increase and feel wonderful straight away.

Sorry.  It's the erratic side of having ok days, then realising that no, actually it is not ok, the joint pain, the teariness,  the vulnerability, and now the joint pain that makes me feel like I am 90 years old and stagger about. I feel ok mentally, I am neither optimistic or pessimistic in any outlook, more realistic. But just not coping physically or emotionally.

Rabbitting on here. Sorry.

[Flossieteacake]

You have nothing to apologise for. You are being very honest and I find that brave.

It is hard to constantly have to plaster on a smile. I call it 'the mask'. You are doing all you can do and it is unfair to still have the symptoms you have. I do not think you should increase your patch just yet because your body is still adjusting. If you increase it too quickly then it can cause you to feel unwell. I understand the temptation to increase, especially when feeling the way you do.

CBT is not really an in-depth therapy so if you ever wanted to try therapy then another type may be a better option for you. The way you are feeling reminds me of somebody having to come to terms with a huge change. You do sound like you are a different person now and that really is difficult to adjust to.

Your strategies of taking each day at a time and not doing too much are very sensible. I wish I could wave a magic wand and make you feel like your prior self. I can relate to the feeling old. They say we are as old as we feel and in that case I am 150 years old.

I thought HRT would make more of an improvement to myself too. Like you, I did not expect to feel wonderful but I did think I would feel better then I am. I would love to hear the meno experts talk about women who feel as we do as I only hear them talk about the ones they have transformed.

I can see how hard you are trying and it is unfair. It should not have to be a constant battle.

[SarahT]

Thank you Flossie.
Whilst your understanding and empathy has helped me, it saddens me that you too are in the same situation. We're surely not asking too much are we?
You really have helped me this evening. I tend to bottle things up, and like you, wear the mask of normalcy. So to read your words gives me a little strength.
I shall leave the oestrogen dose  as it is for now, give it a chance to work. Obviously not one of those who sees instant results!

I think I will contact my g.p, she takes an interest in peri\meno women, but you can talk frankly with her. I may indeed ask about therapy. Traditionally asking for help can be seen as a weakness, yet I know it is really a strength, to ask help and change things.
You are right about the massive changes I have, physically and emotionally I am swallowed up by these and just doing my best.

Am going for a cuddle now with my husband, who is bewildered with all this, but love him, he always holds his arms out for me wherever and whenever.

Thank you Flossie, I return your hug to me tenfold. I wish you well. X

[DottyD68]

Hi SarahT,

I agree with Flossieteacake. You are so honest and brave. I wish more people were really open and honest about how they feel as I'm sure it would make many other people feel that they were not so alone.

I have been peri-menopausal for 7-8 years and I still can't believe how much it has changed my life. I have lost so much confidence in my body and myself as a result of seemingly continuous changes after years of everything feeling pretty stable. It is very isolating and I don't recognise myself.

Like you I am fortunate to have a wonderful supportive husband and until this thing passes we just need to take one day at a time and try to appreciate the good bits as they happen. And it will pass. Wishing you well. X

[Flossieteacake]

Thank you Flossie.
Whilst your understanding and empathy has helped me, it saddens me that you too are in the same situation. We're surely not asking too much are we?
You really have helped me this evening. I tend to bottle things up, and like you, wear the mask of normalcy. So to read your words gives me a little strength.
I shall leave the oestrogen dose  as it is for now, give it a chance to work. Obviously not one of those who sees instant results!

I think I will contact my g.p, she takes an interest in peri\meno women, but you can talk frankly with her. I may indeed ask about therapy. Traditionally asking for help can be seen as a weakness, yet I know it is really a strength, to ask help and change things.
You are right about the massive changes I have, physically and emotionally I am swallowed up by these and just doing my best.

Am going for a cuddle now with my husband, who is bewildered with all this, but love him, he always holds his arms out for me wherever and whenever.

Thank you Flossie, I return your hug to me tenfold. I wish you well. X

I am so happy to hear my messages were of some help because I felt sad yesterday thinking I may have made you feel even worse then you were already feeling.

I also think we are not asking too much. We just want to feel okay.

Your GP sounds great. It is really nice they have an interest in peri and meno. I have always found people who seek help to be strong. It takes real courage to realise we need help and to try and get some. It is blocking everything that can cause more damage in the long term, I find.

I hope you have a lovely cuddle with your husband and thank you for the hug.

[SarahT]

Hello Dotty and Flossie,

I appreciate you taking the time to reply. Flossie, I  totally agree when you say  you did not expect to feel .wonderful, but hoped you would feel better than you are. And don't worry, no way did you make me feel worse! You are such a support on here for so many of us.

Dotty, am sorry you too are struggling on as well. Am glad I put my thoughts and feelings out there, as it is a comfort to know others are feeling the same way and I hope you feel the same too.  Peri can feel quite scary, never knowing what's coming next, or having a good run, only for it to all crash down again, so I thank you for your own honesty. Glad your own husband is with you in all this too.

 You two have helped me to feel less alone. Dotty, I  too feel a completely different person, it has altered me so much. Sometimes I don't like this new me, but it's what I've got. I can accept my body shape altering after a lifetime of body image issues and past eating disorders, learned that a 50's style dress works with these extra hips and boobs, so that's ok, but the emotional body....no. Not there yet  with that massive alteration. This may be me now, but it feels like I am in the wrong head space. Where have I gone?

So. G..P appointment will be made. I think I am in need of some level of professional help in order to talk things through. It's too massive to understand  on my own. I realise I am not doing so well.

Thank you both. I feel a little stronger, a little bit more determined. Less alone.

I am not looking for a peri 'cure' I am a strong person, but some days I feel emotionally weak and so confused.

My thanks and hugs to you both. X

[Flossieteacake]

You are most welcome. I am glad you feel less alone. It is great you have found a style of clothing that you feel comfortable in. I love the 50's style dresses.

Good luck with making an appointment. I have had several bouts of therapy starting when I was 16 so there is no shame in seeking help. Therapy can help us so much and gives us the chance to work things through in a safe space.

[DottyD68]

I'm glad sharing our experiences is of some help. I have a wonderful husband and some lovely, very caring friends but my heart sinks a little when I try and explain how I'm feeling and I sometimes see a caring but slightly blank/confused/helpless face looking back at me  .

This forum can be so helpful for putting us in touch with others going through similar things and we can help each other.

Look after yourselves X

[SarahT]

Dotty, you are so right! I always think that it I cannot explain this to myself, or understand a lot of it, there is no chance of anyone else getting it!
It's not that our loved ones do not care... With the best will they cannot be expected to fully relate. Hence the support of this forum. And with our symptoms changing so much... Well. Blank but caring faces abound.

I had a thought. I began a little kind of diary,just to lodge when I am at my worse... And guess what. It was exactly a month ago this happened again.

Guess my own hormones are fighting with the hrt estrogen. Least I can explain a bit to my g.p. 

This forum helps me so very much, hope today is good for everyone.
Hugs x

[SarahT]

And Flossie, yep, 50'a style rocks. Excuse for new clothes as well!

I do not feel shame at mental health ups and downs either,  We don't get ashamed at  physical illnesses, as you know yourself, we all need help in many ways and our minds are no different to the rest of our body.
I am a strong believer in talking out honestly at mental health.

Thanks hon. X

[Perinowpost]

Hi SarahT

Just a thought but can you remember when you began to feel like this, and could it be the mirena? It is notorious for causing depression. It might not be that of course but just wanted to flag it up.

Also check out Denise Welsh, she went to see professor Studd (now deceased) private meno specialist due to her mood swings, and the first thing he did was remove her mirena.

Keep talking, we’re all here to help each other x

[SarahT]

Thanks Peri,

I had a good think neighbourhoods and the fitting of the mirena. Believe it was so much worse before.

I was really angry and unable to accept I was still getting frustratingly regular periods at 56, the pms (had for 49 years plus) was getting worse each month and I was struggling with both a few years of peri symptoms along with pms each month. I started hrt with utrogestan, and this made the mood dips worse, so I went into the mirena to try to stop my period cycles and the consequential moods. After 3 months of bleeds and sporting this really did seem to even things out. Though I had a small bleed this time last month..

You know I hate that I sound so weak on these messages. I thought I should be able to cope without hrt, now I feel like I should be able to cope on hrt!

I genuinely don't feel I have depression, my mental health feels ok, but my physical (especially joint pain) and emotions are so bad.

I will look at Denise Welch though, a down to earth lass. So thank you for pointing me towards that.

I really appreciate everyone giving advice and supprt. X

[SarahT]

Oh Poppytoast
What an awful vicious circle you are caught up in. I am so pleased the everol are beginning to take effect. You have been through so much.
And I have a special name for people like your relative telling you to just get a fan... But I won't use that word in case I offend....😁 and I So much thank you for not thinking I am just a moaning weak thing.

So as I say, I was so much worse with just my periods, then on utrogestan so the mirena has evened a lot out for me. I would be scared at removing the coil and heading back to periods. Because I was truly bad then. My own little vicious circle?

I am certain it is not depression, I just have the joint pains, and the inability to cope with day to day tasks (though coped amazingly in a very tricky stressy time lately). This raises anxiety, and I am so bloody slow now! It takes me so long to do things, but I have understood not to try to multi task, and I am ok with that. Like wading through mud all the time.

I have changed so much, and it is that really, that I need to either manage to change, or fully accept.

Good luck Poppy, I wish you well. You sound such a strong soul with all you have and are still going through

X