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[Honeybee2]

Thank you for the quick reply CLKD
This is very true grief is hard  at certain times of the year and I have  a card for mum and I will write in it for tomorrow.even though she is not here I still have a mum and she needs to be acknowledged
I feel that my hormones are definitely having a big role in all of this it seems too similar to how I felt before my hrt started to work .
I can so relate to staring at the walls I came down stairs this morning a just sat for hours lost in my own thoughts and trying to not panic .
I guess I am feeling a bit defeated and want desperately to feel completely me x

[CLKD]

When I was ill I wanted to be better yesterday  .  I found that keeping a journal that no one else had access to helped, venting etc. got it out of my head.

Could you adjust your HRT a little?  Perhaps type in the product names into the search box to see if threads pop up?

[Honeybee2]

When I was really bad I kept a diary of how I felt to see if there was a pattern . Once I felt more stable I stopped writing as it reminded me of sitting writing about how I felt .I think I became obsessed with how  my body felt and thought inwards all the time .
How am I feeling is my pulse fast am I going crazy etc etc
I may write a positive journal instead of all the positive things and my thoughts  it may help ?
If this continues I may need to increase my oestrogen as this may be the cause .
It’s so sad that this whole menopause experience has effected my mental health so badly  and compromised my life so much

[Flossieteacake]

So sorry to hear you had a bad night Honeybee. This is so difficult for you knowing Mothers Day is coming up. I think writing a card for your Mum is a lovely idea.

I know what you mean about keeping a diary because I tried that and as I was feeling so low it was filled with pain. I could not bare to write it in the end. what I do when I am in bed at night is to think of all the positive things I can think of that happened that day. Small things like, I was able to wash my hair. These little things help me but I know everybody is different.

I do not think there is any harm in increasing your oestrogen to see if it helps. I find throughout this journey we need to give our HRT a tweak at times.

Being awake in the early hours is such a lonely feeling. I always put the radio on as hearing people call in makes me feel less alone.

[Honeybee2]

Thank you Flossiecake
I really think if my hormones were more stable I wouldn’t get as emotional and I could deal with my grief better . It seems like a circle once I get the pmt  like symptoms the loss is so much worse
I did apply a tiny bit more of the oestrogel this morning I top up with a blob of gel as I wear the Evorel 50 patch and dr said give it a go when I last spoke to Hera few months back  as I wanted to increase gradually   I still feel nervous when increasing tho
Good idea about thinking of something positive

[Flossieteacake]

Thank you Flossiecake
I really think if my hormones were more stable I wouldn’t get as emotional and I could deal with my grief better . It seems like a circle once I get the pmt  like symptoms the loss is so much worse
I did apply a tiny bit more of the oestrogel this morning I top up with a blob of gel as I wear the Evorel 50 patch and dr said give it a go when I last spoke to Hera few months back  as I wanted to increase gradually   I still feel nervous when increasing tho
Good idea about thinking of something positive

Increasing by a tiny bit is a good idea and nothing to be concerned about. I have often cut bits of my patches to increase a little bit.

[Honeybee2]

Thanks for this reassurance flossieteacake
I really feel there is a lack of help for women don’t you ? As I said on an earlier post a helpline would really reassure women especially when they feel like they are going crazy .there seems to be a helpline for everything else and some women really really struggle . I know this would probably never happen but it’s a thought .
I am feeling a little more with it now perhaps it’s the extra gel or physiological who knows !
Going out shopping in a bit going to push myself and face the day … let’s hope I don’t have another meltdown in the car .wish me luck . I always feel a bit better out of the house I feel I get a different perspective and sometimes feel a little clostraphobic indoors like I can’t focus on anything  if you know what I mean x
Thank you so much everyone in taking time out of your day to reply and helping me I really do appreciate it

[Flossieteacake]

Thanks for this reassurance flossieteacake
I really feel there is a lack of help for women don’t you ? As I said on an earlier post a helpline would really reassure women especially when they feel like they are going crazy .there seems to be a helpline for everything else and some women really really struggle . I know this would probably never happen but it’s a thought .
I am feeling a little more with it now perhaps it’s the extra gel or physiological who knows !
Going out shopping in a bit going to push myself and face the day … let’s hope I don’t have another meltdown in the car .wish me luck . I always feel a bit better out of the house I feel I get a different perspective and sometimes feel a little clostraphobic indoors like I can’t focus on anything  if you know what I mean x
Thank you so much everyone in taking time out of your day to reply and helping me I really do appreciate it

I agree with you. I feel there is more support for the physical aspects of meno then the mental health aspects. I have never once been asked about my mental health with regards to meno.

I notice a change in a few hours when I increase my oestrogen so I can quite believe you have noticed it too. I hope you enjoy going out today. It is wonderful you feel able to. It shows today is a much better day for you.

[Honeybee2]

If you don’t mind me asking what amount of oestrogen are you on flossytwacake xx
Totally agree I had to reach rock bottom having countless tests etc a&E visits seeing so many drs  for all of this to be recognised and now I am living with the consequences of poor mental health , I just didn’t  realise that you can feel so bad . If only I could turn back time and was given the right advise and help a couple of years ago xx

[Curlygirl]

Aww honeybee2, I completely feel for you going through such a rough time right now

You’ve had some really good ideas and advice given to you from the supportive ladies on here

We are all here for each other and it’s great to see that you reached out to us

I’m sure tomorrow will be difficult and I  love CLKD’s ideas to remember your mum and have some quiet time

It’s awful when we feel like we can’t see a light at the end of the tunnel, but remember it is always there and so are we ❤️

[Honeybee2]

Thank you curlygirl
Lovely words it’s so nice and heartwarming  to know that the people on here are complete strangers but with such kind hearts that really get what it feels like to feel in despair and really want to help .xxx
Perhaps someone struggling will read these posts  and know that they are not alone on this journey and feel or have felt similar to me and may give
then some comfort
People probably look at me in the street and think all is well but little do they know and I often look at other women around my age and think are you suffering like me behind closed doors xx
May you all have a good positive day x

[Flossieteacake]

If you don’t mind me asking what amount of oestrogen are you on flossytwacake xx
Totally agree I had to reach rock bottom having countless tests etc a&E visits seeing so many drs  for all of this to be recognised and now I am living with the consequences of poor mental health , I just didn’t  realise that you can feel so bad . If only I could turn back time and was given the right advise and help a couple of years ago xx

I am on 125  Evorel patches.

I understand. It is horrible but thankfully you now know now what is going on. I think the increasing in oestrogen is going to help you and hopefully the trauma counselling will begin soon too.

[Honeybee2]

So with the evorel 50 patch I am on plus the extra pump of gel equates to 75 so I can put a nice extra size dose of gel on then to maybe 100 total and see how I go I only put a small amount of extra on this morning . Did you build up gradually Flossieteacake ?

[Flossieteacake]

So with the evorel 50 patch I am on plus the extra pump of gel equates to 75 so I can put a nice extra size dose of gel on then to maybe 100 total and see how I go I only put a small amount of extra on this morning . Did you build up gradually Flossieteacake ?

Yes I had to do it very slowly. GPs often do not allow using more then 100 oestrogen. I would wait to see how you go on the small increase you added today. You may even find it is enough  for you.

I actually try to reduce my oestrogen from time to time as I am on a high dose. I would like to be on less.

[SarahT]

Curlygirl out that beautifully

Honeybee there is always someone here for you. You say you have a lovely supportive family surrounding you, and on this forum you can find practical advice, and just a hello we are listening and care.

I understand the times of despair, lost count of times sitting on the kitchen floor crying and in compete confusions as to the hormones hijacking me. 
I think you are so strong, even if some days you can't see it yourself. Give yourself credit for voicing the  need for help. Be kind to yourself. There is indeed light At the end of the tunnel.  Most of us on here so am sure feel in a mess, but this is what this  place is for. Extra support and help. Get out shopping, take a deep breath.

You are an amazing person Honeybee.

Hugs