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[Jayjem]

Hello everyone,

I am new to this so haven't quite worked out the ins and outs of the website yet. Computers are not my thing.

I am going through the perimenopause and the anxiety and stress have got so bad that I have had to take some time off work. I was worrying about everything; the brain fog and poor concentration were affecting my job and my relationship with my lovely daughter who I adore was suffering. I this normal?

As I write this I am so anxious.  I only want to see and speak to people who are close to me and definitely no one from work.

Fortunately my DR has been amazing and did not just write me off as depressed, As my mum had breast cancer before giving me HRT she spoke to a menopause specialist,  Since Friday I have been on Evorel sequi patches. Very early days yet but I was wondering how long they take to work.  The anxiety is the worst.

I am so glad for all the publicity surrounding menopause recently as I must admit I thought I was going crazy and definitely lost me.

Hope you have some advice.

[Flossieteacake]

Hello Jayjem and welcome to the forum. I am very sorry you have had to take time off work. I can understand that as this can be such a stressful time. Brain fog and poor concentration is very common and we even have light hearted threads on here were we laugh about it.

It is great to hear you have a nice DR and they are talking to a menopause specialist on your behalf. HRT is not a quick fix and it can take time for the symptoms such as anxiety to lift. Hang on in there and do not loose hope. Now you have found a safe place were you can get lots of support. 

[Jayjem]

Thank you so much. I don't know if my employers will understand and that is something that worries me a lot. Apart from covid last Christmas I never have time off. This has been life changing for me. Sometimes I feel like I am going mad.It is good to know that there are people out there who understand. I am very low at the moment and considering giving up my job because it is all too much. Unfortunately like everyone else I have to find a way to pay the bills though.

Those of you going through the same thing - you are amazing. It isn't easy. I never thought I would struggle so much with it. I have lost me at the moment .

[Flossieteacake]

Thank you so much. I don't know if my employers will understand and that is something that worries me a lot. Apart from covid last Christmas I never have time off. This has been life changing for me. Sometimes I feel like I am going mad.It is good to know that there are people out there who understand. I am very low at the moment and considering giving up my job because it is all too much. Unfortunately like everyone else I have to find a way to pay the bills though.

Those of you going through the same thing - you are amazing. It isn't easy. I never thought I would struggle so much with it. I have lost me at the moment .

Do you have HR at your work place? If so maybe talking to them would help. I know many companies have been told to be more aware of their workers who are going through menopause.

I can understand you feeling you have lost who you are. I promise you that you are not alone. Keep posting and we will all support you.

[Jayjem]

Thank you. Our HR is complex because she is a friend of my boss. I don't mean they would be unkind - its just difficult! I have been off two weeks now and due to go back in 2 weeks time. I feel marginally and I mean marginally better after having 2 weeks at home but not well enough to start my job again. If the anxiety goes I think I would feel better but am worrying about e everything and have made so many miatakes at work. Ones I wouldn't normally make. I just don't know what to do at the moment  I know it will pass but  I think I have been going through it years and this is the climax. x

[Flossieteacake]

Thank you. Our HR is complex because she is a friend of my boss. I don't mean they would be unkind - its just difficult! I have been off two weeks now and due to go back in 2 weeks time. I feel marginally and I mean marginally better after having 2 weeks at home but not well enough to start my job again. If the anxiety goes I think I would feel better but am worrying about e everything and have made so many miatakes at work. Ones I wouldn't normally make. I just don't know what to do at the moment  I know it will pass but  I think I have been going through it years and this is the climax. x

I can see why you say it is difficult. It is almost like the person will not be totally impartial. If you feel you need some more time then could you ask your DR to write a letter for you saying you need more time off work?

If you have been anxious for a while then I can understand why it has all built up. Anxiety is very distressing. Do you feel some therapy would help with the anxiety?

[Jayjem]

Have got therapy in place as a lot of things have happened to me in my life  I appreciate the messages Flossie  it helps to know I am not on my own x

[Flossieteacake]

Have got therapy in place as a lot of things have happened to me in my life  I appreciate the messages Flossie  it helps to know I am not on my own x

That is such a good idea. I think therapy can be so helpful. I am sorry to hear so much has gone on in your life. Therapy will be something that can help you to process them.

My pleasure.

[CLKD]

I don't think that managers are allowed to ask why a person has time off work?  Would they ask a man for example?

It is what it is.  If HR ask your GP then he can contact them with your permission.

MayB keeping a mood/symptom/food diary will be helpful.

[Jayjem]

Thank you.  I do not feel ready to go back but have had 3 weeks off already. I worry that if I have more time off I will be somehow judged. The DR put stress on my certificate while she tries to get my hormones balanced. It has only been a week since I started on the patches. I am trying to be so positive.

[Flossieteacake]

Thank you.  I do not feel ready to go back but have had 3 weeks off already. I worry that if I have more time off I will be somehow judged. The DR put stress on my certificate while she tries to get my hormones balanced. It has only been a week since I started on the patches. I am trying to be so positive.

Please put your health first. If you do not feel ready to go back to work that is okay. Nobody should judge you for being unwell. You cannot help it.

[Jayjem]

I know this is a silly thing to say but it's the anxiety from the menopause I am struggling with that is making me not feel up to going back. is that a good enough reason when every women goes through it ?

I am so grateful to have you to talk to. I vant concentrate, am anxious, have brain fog and my memory is terrible. x

[Smurph]

Hi Jayjem, just wanted to pop by and say that I was exactly the same as you a few months ago - shocking memory problems, brain fog, really bad anxiety and PMT had got much much worse.

I’ve been on hrt for around 4 months now and trust me, it may take a while for things to settle down, but they definitely will! Don’t lose hope, don’t pressure yourself to get back to work as that will be making you feel even more anxious. Take your time and think about numero uno 

I very nearly left my job because I was in such a state. Felt like my brain had been taken over and felt so out of control, but things have improved so much and I almost feel like me again. You will get there! xx

[Nicodemus]

I don't think that managers are allowed to ask why a person has time off work?  Would they ask a man for example?

It is what it is.  If HR ask your GP then he can contact them with your permission.

MayB keeping a mood/symptom/food diary will be helpful.

If you have more than a week off sick almost all employers will expect a sick note. When a GP gives you a sick note they have to put a reason on that. In my experience the GP generally asks what you want them to put but I think some don't.

Jayjem, you're not alone. I had to have six weeks off earlier this year partly due to menopause stuff (but partly not). GP was brilliant. Don't go back if you're not ready.

[Flossieteacake]

I know this is a silly thing to say but it's the anxiety from the menopause I am struggling with that is making me not feel up to going back. is that a good enough reason when every women goes through it ?

I am so grateful to have you to talk to. I vant concentrate, am anxious, have brain fog and my memory is terrible. x

We are all different. Look at how something like a relationship break down can cause one person to sink into depression and another to feel sad but then okay again. If you compare yourself to others then you are not giving yourself the validation you deserve.

I am not sure if you know if the anxiety is menopause or a combination of that and other things as you mentioned you have been through a lot. Whatever the reason is, you are anxious and you are struggling. I would say that is all that matters right now.

You having brain fog and poor memory is classic menopause and a very frustrating symptom too.