hi all I haven't felt myself for the past year, been prescribed oestrogel, I have mirena coil. admit I stopped the gel which didn't help, but I couldn't work out if I was coming or going.
anyway its got so severe, its got to a point where it feels like post natal depression. I had it severely nearly put in mother and baby unit. anxiety through the roof, daily long by the hours panic attacks. cant leave the house, just me and my daughter. it feels like its back minus the intrusive thoughts, it just gets to a point I want to scream so bad, everything is so intense and overwhelming, im not coping at all. im guilt ridden my daughter (12 years old) has to live with me like this.
several times ive been in touch with surgery and a CPN. was prescribed antipsychotics but between the surgery and chemist they've been messing it up and only had 2 nights worth. yes they helped me immensely for the 2 nights. I did feel very heavy and groggy day after taking them. but I know they help, im using the gel again too. I genuinely cannot live like this. im aware the the surgery and chemist or should I just say ohs are under major strain ,but if things don't soon settle I am literally going to lose it. I never imagined I would have to feel like this again, it was the most scariest feeling ever. knowing I am solely responsible for a child. I feel like I am here for her, I don't recognise my self no more.
is it just me that has got to this point or are there any others that are really struggling, I already have chronic fatigue, I don't have any joy in life apart from when I am able to chat in a relaxed manner with my daughter. she has pms and returned to school, this has given me chance to get myself together by time she gets back from school. I feel like in need to hire a cleaner, everything is building up. It hurts to know my child has to live like this, I cant bare the thought of being without her, yet she deserves so much more. ive suffered with bad anxiety since my mid 20's. when I had post natal depression, I was hugely supported by the surgery and mental health team, with what I would call my ruby team of women. they were there for me, her father left me for someone else at the time. I almost feel like I have to scream at the surgery to listen to me now compared to before, but not too much or could be sectioned! I just want to be back on track and enjoy life with my daughter. sorry for the ramble, cant sleep as no meds to help and really on edge. know ive been through post natal depression which is the worst horror ever, so I know I can get through this, im just having real hard time.