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[Nas]

No idea Elk,
Just a plan of how I’m going to exit this relationship I think. 

[Marchlove]

That’s not so long Nas. Have you got someone who can help you with a life plan?
If not a professional, a friend who has a lot of common sense perhaps?
It might help to write things down, pros and cons, timescales, finances etc.
Are you able to start saving a bit each month to give you a buffer if you do decide to go.
X

[ElkWarning]

I was thinking along those lines, March.

@ Nas, I'm saying this with lots of compassion, but are you looking for an exit plan (get me out ASAP) or a life plan (with a timeline, etc). Sounds a bit like the former. If so, you will have very good reasons. Might there be a local women's centre or section of women's services who can help you work out the short term details. There are people who can help, and we're here for you.

[Nas]

Elk, well , it started as a life plan with a clear time frame. The plan was to try and sell up once youngest had finished school and move out the area.

But now, it’s more ‘I’ve had enough, things aren’t working, time to go sooner’.

I’m very aware that my hormones are not balanced at all and I’m questioning this coil and whether that could be impacting my thinking.

Desperately trying to recall how I was 3 months ago when it was fitted. I know that last time I was in this frame of mind, I was running low on oestrogen.

I feel the same towards my job and colleagues sadly. Irritated and disinterested. I feel flat. Mood is flat.

March, I have started to put money away each month, yes. Timeframe and pros and cons are being drawn up. X

[Marchlove]

Unbalanced hormones could be impacting your thinking, that’s very likely.

Are you not able to recall how you felt about your partner say last Christmas?
Maybe also, you feel unsupported by him in your daily struggles and if that’s the case that will cause resentment to build up.

So much to ponder for you Nas. X

[ElkWarning]

It's interesting, because this thread started with a question about 'at this time of life'.  There's nothing quite like the menopause to make you take stock (well, at least it had that effect for me) - learning to ride and getting a bike, walking away from a relatively well-paid job to do something completely new, even growing my hair long for the first time ever ... Because I'm just like 'if not now, then when?'  Chuck kids moving on and elderly parents into the mix, heady brew, eh.  And planning is a tough one, as it doesn't feel as if there's enough time.  Plus the hormones.  Ye Gods.

Yes, you can change things.  No, you don't need anyone's permission.  Maybe it'll be hard and the road might be bumpy, but hell, as Dylan Hunt says (Captain of the Andromeda) 'It's never easy'.  But I'm with March, talking to a trusted friend would be perfect right about now.

[Marchlove]

Well said Elk and don’t we all do amazingly well despite every bloody thing that’s thrown at us!

Ye Gods indeed!!!

We all get this and that’s what I love about this forum.

Nitey xx

[ElkWarning]

To be honest, I think we're heroic!

[Nas]

We are indeed  heroic!
Onwards and upwards.

[Cazikins]

I hope you find true happiness Nas. I luckily did.
I left my 1st marriage of 14 years, 6 weeks before my 40th birthday. We had no children so it meant I only needed to think about myself, no one else was involved. I was just bored with him. I was at an age where I wanted fun & not be a fishermans wife & have no fun...
Luckily I had a very dear friend who I had confided in & she said if I ever needed a place to stay then she had a spare room. I packed a bag, wrote a note, waited for him to come home from work, handed it to him & left.... we were both crying.
It was not easy. I had doubts, but no regrets. I felt free.

I can't tell you what to do Nas as your situation is different all together to mine, however I am still amazed at the strength I had to do it & feel sure I would do it again if I was in that situation again.

You might be surprised once you've made that first step of how strong you really are.

I really hope you find peace & happiness.  xx

[Nas]

Thanks Caz,
Im back at work and feel calmer now.
Partner has realised I mean  business and things need to change.
I feel more in control and mood is less irrational, since I’ve laid the cards on the table. I know what I need do to, should things take a further nose dive or don’t improve. My life, i am in control.  :)x

[sheila99]

Good for you, I'm glad you're feeling better about it. If your partner is willing to change that's good.