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[Birdy in disguise]

This is my first post. I'm in a ridiculous low self esteem state and it's all my own fault. I've tried so many things, I'm on estrodot 50 and vaginal progesterone utrogestan. Every 2nd night. I take 5htp and b vitamins. This has been since April 2022.  But I'm still getting a week like every 3 weeks where I become so paranoid and fearful my partner will leave. I'm like a stalker, it's so not me. We've been together 12 years and have 2 children but my behaviour has changed so much over the last 2 years (I'm 48). I am destroying what we have with constant negative stuff. I can't seem to turn this around. Does anyone else have or have had these issues, did you get through it?. I've had constant crying randomly in the night and my partner can hardly hold empathy for me now. He's almost bereft of love. Although he says it the feeling is no longer there. He is just worn down. I tried a couple of counsellors but they are so expensive.  I'm not sure what to do now....I've even tried psychics and their responses have almost made things worse. I'm usually a positive, creative, sparkly person and I've been bitter and twisted and blackened with negative thought. It doesn't help that my partner has a new job working on boats and is away for 5 days every month. Working with fun young people (yes females ... horror and fear for me).... my circle of friends has diminished as I've felt so anti social and super sensitive.  Ahhh what do other people do to get through this kind of thing?

[Flossieteacake]

Hello Birdy. A warm welcome to the forum. I really am so very sorry to hear of how you are feeling. Firstly, this is not your fault. You are going through so many changes and it sounds like your hormones are all over the place. It is horrid to feel our loved ones will leave us as it will leave you in a constant state of insecurity.

I agree counselling is expensive but did you know you can refer yourself for free CBT? It is available on the NHS. This may be something that can help you a little.

I am wondering if your HRT needs a review. If your mood is very low then I feel you may need something tweaked. Does your GP know of how you are feeling? Some women find an anxiety medication helpful for the anxiety menopause can bring. I am not sure if that is something you would try.

It is really sad your friends are unable to understand what you are going through but this forum is full of very understanding people who will support you.

This is a link you could show your husband so he has an idea of how you are feeling.
https://www.menopausematters.co.uk/forum/index.php/topic,2458.0.html

[Ms Peak]

Hello Birdy.

My heart goes out to you honey. I started the menopause late 40's and frankly it was a nightmare. I became argumentative impatient and negative without ( at the time) wondering what on earth was happening to me.
I was mum to 3 with 2 teenagers at home a mega stressful job in safeguarding in nhs and my MH and marriage in the gutter.
I accessed counselling through my work and saw the GP for support. Its horrid what ' the change' can do to us.

Keep posting and I know ladies on the forum will help with suggestions. Thankfully I am out the otherside now....

Big hugs

Ms Peaks

[Marchlove]

Hi Birdy

Welcome to the forum! You should find a lot of support from members here as we’ve all been through similar situations.

Firstly, I’d say that you should not take B vitamins at night as they can be quite stimulating so they should be taken in the morning. The other thing I’d question is using the 5-htp, have you been on it long? It works well for depression but can cause anxiety and irritability in some people so see it it makes any difference not taking it, especially in the week your mood becomes paranoid.

Are you on sequential hrt, does this change in mood occur leading up to your period or when you stop the Utrogestan?

As Flossie says it sounds like the hrt might need some tweaking xx

[CLKD]

5-htp is not recommended for long-term use, there were several articles in recent Sat Supplements  about how the body rejects most if 1 has a good diet.

The symptoms you describe appear cyclic.  How is your diet overall?  Kath Dalton did a lot of research about Premenstrual Syndrome; I was advised to eat every 3 hours to stop blood sugars from dropping which can cause low mood and panic attacks as well as agression in people usually calm and collected.

Print off Hints for Husbands, read and hand to your family.

Let us know how you get on.  Never underestimate the power of fluctuating hormones!

[jillydoll]

Hi.
I’m thinking your HRT needs tweaking honey.
I was the same as you, normally a kind, loving, bubbly person, that got turned into the worst witch ever.
Argumentative, mood swings, negative about everything, anxiety through the roof. Ect…
Wasn’t until my hrt kicked in, which tbh, took a while, that everything settled down.
Every time I think about coming off the hrt, I remember what a terrible witch I was, and that brings me back down to earth. I couldn’t go through all that again. Neither could my OH. ☹️
I started off low dose hrt, (0.5) and when symptoms returned, I upped the dose. I’m on tablet form. I’m now settled on 2mg. Keeps me stable. ( sound like a lunatic 😆) but yeah, I suppose menopause made me into one. 🤷🏼‍♀️
One dose doesn’t suite all, so maybe yours needs upping too. 🤷🏼‍♀️ It’s all trial and error.
Good luck, don’t be so hard on yourself, and maybe try a higher dose. You will get through this. …jd xx

[CLKD]

Guilt due to hormonal upheaval can cause doubts especially when we turn nasty.   

My DH never gave me cause for concern in his jobs, however ........ we do most activities as a couple .

[Birdy in disguise]

Omg im so overwhelmed by all your amazing thoughts and feedback. Wow!
Thank you all so much, I'm going to look into the doseage. And your thoughts on 5htp. My doc says my estradiol levels are around 370 which she says is slightly high, but I wonder if I'm someone who needs more or maybe its too high.... I read on the John Studd website that some women need higher levels. I'm in NZ so don't have the opportunity to connect to your amazing menopause doctors.... Thank you for showing me you got through. I really want to come through intact and with my family. I'm on continuous estradot 50 and utrogestan vaginally every 2nd night. Thank you so much again everyone for your support ❤

[CLKD]

Early hours down there then?

Some find that keeping a mood/food/symptom diary of use to chart progress.

I wouldn't alter anything, it can take 4-6 months for the body to adjust.  It doesn't get where it is suddenly unless there is surgical intervention ;-).

Browse round!

[Marchlove]

Oh sorry Birdy, I mis read your post and thought you said you took the B vitamins and 5-htp every 2 night!

Are you still getting a normal cycle and  period with that regime? If so does your altered mood every 3 weeks tie in with your cycle? That might help your doctor decide what’s best for you to do.

Some ladies do better with higher estrogen doses and some the opposite so it might be a question of trial and error I’m afraid.

Let us know how you get on xx

[Kelloggs]

Hi Birdy, I can completely relate to this.. the ageing process has seen me go from young fun party girl to boring don’t want to do anything woman.. and irritatingly my husband seems to be getting better looking by the day.. doesn’t help that a good friend keeps telling me my husband is hot when I feel like my looks have literally slipped through a drain pipe… it’s a horrible feeling to feel insecure when it’s never really been a problem before .. X

[CLKD]

That 'good friend'  .  Needs a    would soon be off my C.mas card list!

[jillydoll]

Can TOTALLY relate to that Kelloggs.
Ive had issues with ‘looking’ older. I absolutely hate it.
When I look back, I was ready for anything, really fun all the time, but now, half the time I want to be in bed by 10. 
I think women age quicker than men, and even tho my OH has put a little weight on, he doesn’t look as old as me. 
I often say when we go out, people say, Oh, you’ve brought your mom out. 😩🤣😂
I have to laugh it off, if I didn’t, I’d NEVER go out. 🤷🏼‍♀️
It’s just the way it is, and we have to get used to it. Unfortunately. 🤷🏼‍♀️

How you feeling now Birdy in disguise?
Xx

[Flossieteacake]

I am surprised to read others feel as I do with regard's to aging quicker then their partner. I have always looked old for my age ( when I was 12 people asked me if I was on my way to work when I was going to school) but it is even more noticeable now. We are the same age but my partner looks at least 15 years younger. I understand how you all feel about finding this upsetting.

[CLKD]

I often say when we go out, people say, Oh, you’ve brought your mom out.. Mum told me never to open big gob if I couldn't say something nice!   

How does OH react ?