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[ElleJay888]

Hi there,
My name is Lynsey and I'm 42, single, childless and was told this week I've begun early menopause.

In my mind I'm still 25 but in reproductive terms, I'm apparently 47-50. I naively thought my choice to be in a relationship and/or have kids would continue until I wanted to do something. Now I'm so stunned by what my GP has told me, I can't form a single coherent stream of questions to ask about what I can expect.

If you were in my shoes (pretty sure many have been), what would you have wanted someone to tell you? What experience can you pass onto me that might've helped you deal with a new diagnosis of perimenopause/POI?

[CLKD]

Hi!   

My Mum was upfront about periods, to the point that school friends (1960s) would ask me questions to get the answers from her.  What no one told me about those upcoming years was the mess; excruciating pain; nausea; dizziness ........... she told me not to ask questions of elderly relatives about hairy chins, "You'll know about that when you get there it's The Change."

Yep.  Two words.  Too far away from when my periods eventually began to wax and wane to be bothered with. 

What do I wish - for myself, that I would get more bolshie to the point of eventually not taking crap from any1.  That friends would come and go - how I remember how important it was to be part of the crowd.  A form of security I suppose?  What I knew about The Change was that periods would stop.  For me it couldn't arrive soon enough.  There might have been a few hot flushes 

I wish that GPs had been more educated, ready for us! 

[joziel]

Hi - It can come as a shock...

I don't have kids either and have never wanted them. But there is something about not being ABLE to have them, which feels like a loss. A choice taken away, is still a loss - even if you never made use of that choice, in the past.

What tests did your GP do, to come to this conclusion for you?

In terms of how you feel, it can often be the start of feeling a lot better - because you can now get started on HRT and feel much better...

The other thing to say, is I did get a little depressed and feel as if it were the beginning of the end. Getting old. Only going in one direction. The only sure thing in life is death. And all that. I found Lara Briden's book 'Hormone Repair Manual' really useful as she reframes it as a second puberty and a separate process to that of ageing. Which has helped me.

[CLKD]

The only sure thing in life is death : I would add taxes ;-)

Oh I feel 17 but my body tells me stories  and 'that old woman looking back from the window' surely can't be me !

[Flossieteacake]

Hello Lynsey  and welcome to the forum. I can understand this has come as a shock to you. I was 38 when I started premature ovarian failure. I am now 40. I really wish I knew what menopause was and what to look out for. One thing especially, I wish I knew what vaginal atrophy was and to know to push for ovestin cream. I was told I could not be going through the menopause or have vaginal atrophy and this hindered my treatment.

[Nicodemus]

Yeah I too wish I'd known more about vaginal atrophy. Knew what it was but had no idea it could hit you in perimenopause nor that it could cause UTI like symptoms. Fortunately there are many knowledgeable people on here.

And yeah, I can imagine you are reeling a bit. It can be a lot to take on board. I think I'd have wanted someone to tell me it would be ok. Still do really. But you'll get that on here too.

[Poppy61]

I thought it meant end of periods; hot flushes; night sweats and feeling a bit grumpy. Totally unprepared for the reality and how long my symptom would be going on for. At 61, have only just started HRT  after 8 longs years of coping (not) 'naturally'.

I would want someone to tell me that it is not something that you go through and then just pop up out the other end.
That some women have no difficulties during this time and that some women have a horrendous time. For the first set of women, to be considerate and mindful of the second.

I wish I had known that in taking HRT, my joints would immediately feel better, my mood would lift and my resilience and self worth would reappear, and that although  this happens for some women without HRT, I wouldn't be one of them.

I wish someone had told me to be prepared and look at all the options regarding HRT. I fought against it for so long and could now kick myself. Do not put yourself through any unnecessary mental or physical hardship that might be avoided.

My periods started changing at 46. I remember crying in the loo at work,  knowing I would probably no longer be able to conceive. I didn't even like babies much, but yes, it is a shock when the choice is taken from you and that this shock will pass.

 Watch the Liz Earle YouTube video on her menopause experience, don't dismiss HRT out of hand, even if medically you think you might not be able to take it And finally, sending you a very big hug and letting you know you are not on your own xxx

[CLKD]

Great thread by the way!

[ClaireB]

Hi Lyndsey, 👋
I’m sorry to hear that you’re going through an early menopause, this can be tough both mentally and physically.

I was 28 when I started the menopause and was not fully diagnosed until I was 35, at which point Dr advised that I would not be able to have children, which was a tough pill to swallow.
I too felt like all choices were taken from me, felt I was less of a woman because I couldn’t get pregnant.

The one thing I wished someone had told me, is to get the right diagnosis and treatment of HRT asap. Also what to prepare for when the symptoms kick in and that it’s ok to not feel like yourself some days.
That my body would change dramatically, I would ache and feel older than my years, that my tolerance to accepting bs would be less and that it’s ok to be angry at the world on the days you feel like crap.
But mostly is to surround yourself with good supportive people, get help if you feel like you’re struggling and be kind to you!!

[Dierdre]

Are you sure the GP is correct and has made the right diagnosis would be my first question.  Is there any doubt?

[CLKD]

So sorry ClaireB - lack of knowledge by the GP there then?

[Ayesha]

You have certainly come to the right place to prepare yourself for what is to come, you will find on here all of the symptoms you might experience in the future.  I had a saying at the time after my periods stopped, when you think its all over it isn’t, it’s the beginning of something else!

I am much older than you and was totally unprepared for the condition called Vaginal Atrophy, I was so angry and completely unprepared for this awful condition that I had never heard of.  Other than that my menopause was a good one but well into post menopause it has been a challenge.

This won’t happen to you as you have all the information at your fingertips to find out everything you need to know about the journey ahead, I wish you luck!

[ATB]

Sorry for all the women who didn’t get the chance to have children, I can only imagine how difficult that would be.

I wish someone had told me it isn’t something that happens at 50+, that perimenopause comes first and can last 7 or more years and starts usually in your 40’s but sometimes sooner. I wish the key symptoms were more well known, I truly didn’t know much more than I would be ‘emotional’. I really would want to know that anxiety is a major symptom and to get help as soon as I started experiencing it so that it didn’t take years of my life. I wish I knew that HRT was safer than I had been told so that I didn’t wait years to try it. I would have liked to have known sooner that my thyroid condition impacted my sex hormones quite a lot. Basically, I’ve learnt almost everything I know about peri & menopause only after years of experiencing symptoms and I wish I had known all of it much much sooner.

[laszla]

Great question. I wish I had known that just because a GP gives you an HRT regime, it doesn't remotely mean that that particular formula will work for you.
My GP failed to suggest any review/follow-up/testing when I first approached them which meant I lost 4 years of my life on a much too low dose of estrogen with bad consequences.

So one should know that it is entirely possible that you might need to try different products/doses/delivery channels until a good formula is found.

I know many here speak of going on symptoms alone but for me regular hormone testing has been crucial to monitor my absorption (or lack thereof) of estrogen and consequently adjust my dose, which is very high, until some relief was achieved.

Also, apart from symptoms in the here and now, it's important to know that a certain blood level of estrogen is necessary to pre-empt osteopenia/osteoporosis, around 300pmol.
Not knowing this and not being invited by my incompetent GP to review my regimen and test resulted in my developing osteopenia.
HRT can also stave off cardiac and cognititive problems in the longer term so it's important to keep in mind what is happening right now and what might happen later if you don't supplement.

More generally, as others have touched on, I wished I'd known about perimenopause which should be a term as familiar in the broader culture as 'puberty'.
I can now retrospectively piece together everything that was wrong with me from my mid 40s, resulting in another batch of lost or at least very diminished years in terms of quality of life.

I can understand your shock Linsey. In my naivety, when a doctor asked me at age 42 whether I still had my periods, I was both offended and uncomprehending because it seemed impossible that a woman would no longer menstruate at that age and my fairy tale view that women these days can have children through their 40s meant that I didn't have children.

Yyou will need time to process this news but I think the concept Joziel mentions of a 'second puberty' is useful (the HRT specialist Nick Panay refers to the menopause as middle youth! I don't know that I'd go quite that far but you don't need to view this as the beginning of an inexorable decline by any means...
If you find the right HRT regime you can regain lost ground and you might be lucky and get the right combination quickly.

p.s also wished I'd known that in general (and of course there are exceptions) GP support for menopause is abysmal

[Poppy61]

I second everything in laszia's informative and kind post.Thank you especially for the previously unaware of 300 pmol knowledge. Its not just the here and now we have to think of;  its about protecting ourselves for the future. X