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[EllaAurora]

That’s so interesting Floo. How did you know you weren’t absorbing? I think it was symptoms if I am right? When I used 4 pumps of gel lots of other symptoms eased (such as dry skin and sweats and aches) so I imagine I was absorbing and just need more now as I am further along peri xx

Hi MM, how're you feeling today? Hopefully a better day for you!

I've been thinking about what you say above.. and wondering myself again this absorption thing. I've been generally feeling a little better recently -since increasing the dose 2 weeks ago (am now 2.5 pumps). Not feeling great or yet fully myself but somewhat better or at least the lows have not been as low as before and I"ve had moments of feeling actually quite OK. Except then, today -out of the blue I've been feeling very low and as if my oestrogen would be very low. but it shouldn't be as I'm meticulous in keeping the dose stable... but how do we actually know if we absorb.. 

[Floo36]

It is so difficult and a very steep learning curb.  I’ve gone downhill a bit which means it’s my own Estrogen dipping so still not on enough hrt to stop the dips but still wasn’t there when my own was higher.  It’s disheartening when you improve a bit then back down again.  Even when you are with a very good meno doctor you do still have to find what works yourself because only we know how we feel.

[Flan747]

Sorry to hear this Floo! You are so right it’s only us as an individual that knows how we actually feel! Hard for a specialist to get it right with a quick 45 minute appt! I dipped quite a lot when I reduced to 5 pumps so have gone up to 6 and will try and stay there until my appt in December- although I know this is not right I am hoping the testosterone will kick in at some point! Everyday is a struggle and I’m sick of it all! Good luck everyone

[Mindfulmoomins]

It really is so disheartening to have a dip after a good patch. I have soooo many questions for the meno specialist when I speak to them in 5 weeks.

I am feeling a bit better but I think it might be my antidepressants being increased. I am trying to be kinder to myself about needing them at a higher dose at the moment.

I hope there is sunshine for everyone today xxx

[Flan747]

That’s good to hear! We have to take these good days when they come along don’t we ☀️ I feel very nauseous today and no idea why! Could it be the testosterone? I’ve made a list for my follow up appt! It gets longer by the day !!!

[Suzysheep]

MM, don’t be hard on yourself for increasing your meds. We all need help sometimes, and they were invented to help through difficult times…. Just like antibiotics were invented for infection… and you wouldn’t feel bad for needing them …. It’s not for ever… just for now… that’s what I tell myself.
I’m glad you are feeling better… they must be doing their job! Yay! Xx

[Mindfulmoomins]

Thank you so much Suzy and Flan, your kindness and encouragement has made me well up 🥰

[Floo36]

We all deserve to feel well and must have hope that we will. Don't give up trying.

[Mindfulmoomins]

Hello everyone,

How are you?

I just wanted to update that I have been feeling better. I’m not sure if it is the HRT or antidepressants.

I still cry every day trying to process how bad I have felt this summer. I really didn’t think I would come out of it. It has been so frightening and destabilising to feel so low and anxious. I am really lucky to be surrounded by support (which also makes me cry!) and to have support on here too.

On Friday it is time to take Provera for the first time after a break from progesterone. I am pretty scared as I am progesterone intolerant. I dearly hope that it is manageable. Utrogestan caused quite a lot of difficulties but I guess may be worth trying again if my oestrogen is at a better level.

Thinking of you all xx

[EllaAurora]

Hi MM, lovely to hear from you and so pleased to hear that you are feeling better!
I have been thinking of you and wondering how you are.

Crying sounds like a really healthy way to process all the experiences of the past months. I can totally relate, the feelings and anxiety created by hormonal imbalance can be so rough and traumatising.

I'm also feeling better, not yet back to 'normal' (whatever that is ), but somewhere around 80% of myself on the better days, which is already quite good and I'm very thankful for that. Physical symptoms have pretty much gone, I can sleep quite well most nights, and feel calm in the mornings which is something I've been longing for so long, after months of waking up with racing heart. Mood wise, still some way to go, but I feel I'm making progress there too, so I'm trying to just accept that it is a slow process and take it day by day.

Hopefully the Provera will work for you better than Utrogestan! As you have reached a better balance with Oestrogen, that should help too and make it more tolerable. Let us know how you get on.

Take care and have another good day! xxx

[Mindfulmoomins]

Thank you Ella, so pleased you are getting there too. It is a process isn’t it?

Xxx

[Mindfulmoomins]

Ella, do you mind me asking what HRT you are on? Am I right it took a while for the benefits to start to really be felt (which I think happened with me too) xx

[EllaAurora]

Ella, do you mind me asking what HRT you are on? Am I right it took a while for the benefits to start to really be felt (which I think happened with me too) xx

Hi MM, yes, it is really a process and sometimes painfully slow and complicated one 

I'm currently on EstroGel ca 2,5 pumps (I've started a few weeks ago measuring my dose and going by the milligram to make sure I'm taking exactly the same amount every day) and Utrogestan continuously with higher dose. I am still tweaking the dose and probably will need a bit more Oestrogen, but taking the increases very slowly this time.

It's been a process since March already so I'm really tired and hoping finally to move towards some kind of balance. I was on the gel first, then tried patch (unsuccessfully) and now back to gel for close to 2 months. Since being back on the gel I've felt that things have started to really really slowly improve. Physical symptoms improved first, and I am cautiously optimistic that I MAY be improving with the mood and mental side of things too. (still freaking out to even say this aloud just not to jinx it )

So great you are seeing the benefits now and improving! xxx

[Mindfulmoomins]

Oh I totally understand. I felt like I was stuck in maze and anytime I declared I might be able to see the way out I started to feel low again. It was so hard. I am not superstitious but it became scary to say out loud or to anyone that I might be feeling an improvement.

I still don’t fully trust it but as each day goes past I can relax into it more. I am worried about the level of antidepressants I am on though and hope I can reduce them either when my body is more balanced or in Spring next year.

Sounds like you are (wisely) being very gentle with your body and making changes carefully and that things are moving in the right direction. My husband says it’s like a Toblerone  in that recovery goes up then down in a jagged uneven way then up again.

Xx

[EllaAurora]

Oh I totally understand. I felt like I was stuck in maze and anytime I declared I might be able to see the way out I started to feel low again. It was so hard. I am not superstitious but it became scary to say out loud or to anyone that I might be feeling an improvement.

I still don’t fully trust it but as each day goes past I can relax into it more. I am worried about the level of antidepressants I am on though and hope I can reduce them either when my body is more balanced or in Spring next year.

Sounds like you are (wisely) being very gentle with your body and making changes carefully and that things are moving in the right direction. My husband says it’s like a Toblerone  in that recovery goes up then down in a jagged uneven way then up again.

Xx

Your husband is smart, it IS like Toblerone!  And that's what makes is so hard I guess. Even though we KNOW that it is ups and downs, every time a worse day comes I find it absolutely terrifying.. like, what if I'm going back to the downward spiral again and never coming out.
 
I don't have experience with ADs but maybe you shouldn't worry too much about the doses now. Just enjoy feeling better and worry about reducing then later, when you are on a very solid ground.

Do you mind sharing, how did the improvement start for you? Did you notice that suddenly there were more moments or days that were good ones, or somehow had the 'inner feeling' that things are improving?