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[EllaAurora]

Sounds like its been a bad day for many of us (I'm joining that club too, unfortunately)

Nas, don't resign yet! You can take sick leave and see if you can sort out things during that. You can always resign later if you feel like it but I'd be careful not to rush into big decision in this mindset. Hope you will have a good and restful weekend and Monday morning will be better.

Mindfulmoomins, sounds like the meno clinic didn't really have any solution beyond the psychiatrist? Did they discuss possibility to change the way oestrogen is delivered, or some bloods to understand how much you are actually absorbing? Even if you see the psychiatrist I suppose still important to continue finding the right HRT that will suit you.

My day has been exhausting too. Didn't get much sleep last night, woke up before 3am and no sleep after that Just tossing and turning hour after hour. I should have just got up or at least taken a book or a podcast..but was so hopeful that if I just lay still, I will fall back to sleep.

As always after almost sleepless night, today has then been full of anxiety and feeling like hangover, tired and dizzy. I can't understand why I don't sleep.  I increased a tiny little bit of oestrogel last evening, not even to full 2.5 pumps but just a small pea on top of two pumps. Maybe that was then too much or I applied it to a too small area as I felt jittery and hyperactive throughout the night, exactly like I feel when too much oestrogen. But then again, when I've applied less, then I've felt like a lack of oestrogen. It seems absolutely hopeless now to find any balance with the gel so I need to start preparing for yet another change of regime I suppose. So tiring but I know so many of us are on the same journey and still I am hopeful intimately I will get there.

Hoping you all are as well as possible and will have a good rest over the weekend. xxx

[Michelle7474]

Hopefully everyone as a better weekend and better days
Hormones and finding the right balance is just a job in its self
I thought it was as simple as shove on a patch and feel fantastic

I hope all you ladies and myself become our normal selves soon .. where we can live our lives to the fullest

Sending you all big huge hugs sent with love xx

[Nas]

Sorry you have had a bad day Ella, seriously I don’t know what the answer is and like you, am feeling hopeless. It’s like whatever we try, it doesn’t work!!

The early waking is brutal, totally and utterly brutal. I absolutely sympathise wholeheartedly Ella. That is exactly how it is for me. Then having to get up, get ready, drag myself to work and face the day. I can’t do it, I just can’t. The cortisol is off the scale too.

Today I drove 25 miles round trip to sons friends. Ignored all speed limits,
couldn’t have cared less. I feel nothing, just empty and what is the point mindset.

The resignation is drafted.

Michelle, I do hope you will be okay, do you have good support at home? X

I too thought a patch or blob of gel would fix everything. Wrong!

Not much to say. Still in shock at my performance today.

Xx

[Michelle7474]

Nas
I’m so sorry that it’s got to much for you , I feel you so bad as I’ve been there and took the same Decision myself to leave work .. I regretted it after
That’s why maybe it’s best for you to go on sick .. or at least don’t rush into things , In all honestly I wouldn’t have been able to carry on working with how I’ve been.

The cortisol is the worse thing ever , and I used to sit there and think when am I due a break & I could never understand why it was happening

I don’t sleep much seems my mind is always racing and stops me having a good nights sleep .. sometimes I lay in bed keep my eyes closed thinking I’m not getting out of bed yet .. never fully asleep .. which always made the aniexty worse the following day and it become a viscous circle

I hope you have better days over the weekend and I hope your ok .. I hate to think of others suffering as I know I got to a stage where it was overwhelming.

I’m ok Nas , taking day by day & I have a good husband who don’t understand but listens and my son and granddaughter keep me looking forward.

Don’t rush into anything work wise , maybe just try take a week off and I’m sure that you will be wanting to go back , as being at home makes it worse I believe

I can’t wait to go back to work but when I have no idea ..

I pray ( I’m not religious) but I pray you have a better weekend .. I pray we all have good weekend
Xx

[EllaAurora]

Nas, that sounds like a really stressful day. Could you have time off on sick leave? I know that’s not what any of us want but the system is there to support us and give us time to get ourselves back to balance and health. You deserve to keep your job, none of this is your fault.

I spoke to the meno clinic again today. They don’t think increasing the oestrogen would be helpful currently. We discussed me seeing a psychiatrist again. I am going to try and see one privately that they recommended as the Gp would have the ‘max out my antidepressants’ before referring me which just doesn’t feel right.

I hope I have come to terms with the fact it makes sense to see an expert in antidepressants and depression at the moment as I have tried everything I can think of and I’m still visited by moments of hopelessness, despair and sorrow that feel overwhelming. It feels so strange that I am at a point where I am going to a psychiatrist.

I don’t mind trying a different antidepressant but I don’t want to mess around with them without some expertise and guidance on how best to do that.

Exhausting day with it all.

Thank you for being there.

Michelle, I’m so sorry to hear about your heartbreak this year but I think how you are handling everything is amazing and going gently with yourself is a really good idea.

Xxx

Hi MIndfulmoomins, how're u feeling today? I think seeing the psychiatrist, especially if you get someone with expertise in this area, sounds like an entirely sensible idea and you have nothing to lose. If it doesn't work out or you don't get any solution then at least you've tried that too.
I would still keep pushing the meno clinic as well though, as it sounds like you may need further adjustment with HRT on top.

Hope you're having better day today. xxx

[Mindfulmoomins]

Hi Ella,

Kind of you to ask.

I think I feel a bit better for having accepted that I need some help from an expert in antidepressants.

Today I had a walk with my family and then painted the outside of the house and porch. I can tell I feel quite empty inside though and am just kind of going through the motions despite the ‘achievements’ today.

The gp agreed it was a step forward too.

I am trying not to think about changing medications as it feels frightening despite how low I feel!

I also have a lot of gratitude for everyone who is supporting me at the moment and loving me through this emotional ‘wintering’.

How are you today?

Thinking of you too Nas, Michelle and Sazzle xxx

[Mindfulmoomins]

Hi everyone,

Just an update. I saw the psychiatrist on Sunday. I was really nervous but it was fine and reassuring. He thinks some of why I have been feeling bad is side effects of two antidepressants so we are reducing mirtazapine back down to 15 mg and I am continuing with the fluoxetine 60 mg. I am 6 weeks into that and last week started to feel like my brain was working properly and I felt more moments of feeling ok.

Today I don’t feel so good so thought I’d reach out. I just feel really sad and keep crying. Seems I feel low about feeling low! It frightens me when I feel low and despite all my mindfulness it still worries me. It’s the same thoughts and feelings of ‘I just want to feel like me again’.

I find it so hard to have wobbly days. I want to fast forward to a time when this is behind me and hormonally and mentally I am feeling balanced.

The psychiatrist has said the increase in fluoxetine will continue to build in the next 6 weeks. Struggling to trust that today but it makes sense logically.

Anyway, hope you have sunshine where you are and lots of love to everyone being so supportive on here xxx

[Michelle7474]

Good to hear off you mindfulmoomins

Sorry your having a bad day today but I do hope it gets better and you have lots more better days

Hopefully reducing your tablets Might help in some way .. it’s good to speak out as better out than in

I understand how you feel with the wanting to feel like me again
I think most of us on here can relate to that .. it’s good to cry and let out the tears but not when it’s all the time
I have occasionally tears but my main problem was and is aniexty ..

I do hope your ok and remember always come on here and reach out when you need too as that’s what I do

Sending hugs

[Mindfulmoomins]

Thanks Michelle,

So good to have this forum xx

[Nas]

Hi mindful
How are you feeling now?
Sorry today has been tough, big hugs x

What HRT regime are you on currently? Does it need you are on HRT? Maybe a reduction in the mirtazpine is what you need?

Hope you feel better soonx

[Mindfulmoomins]

Thanks Nas,

I am on 100 Estradot and two pumps of oestrogel. Going to start Provera in Oct and I have a pea sized blob of testogel.

I have noticed my oestrogel is the one people are reporting problems with so I’ll swap it tomorrow morning when I apply it.

I wish this heavy empty hopeless feeling would go. I get so scared when it’s there. I have been for a walk with 2 friends today which was lovely but I ended up crying as they asked how I was. I keep feeling I must be doing something wrong to not be feeling a lot better by now although I did feel a bit better last week. Maybe it’s just accepting that it’s baby steps out of this.

How are you?

Xx

[Michelle7474]

Awww mindfulmoomins It’s deffo baby steps & they will lead to bigger steps .. that’s how I’m taking it

I’m glad you got out & about .. I do hope you start to feel better soon mindfulmoomins

Nas how’s you today ??
Xx

[Mindfulmoomins]

Thank you Michelle for your encouragement 

Xx

[Suzysheep]

Sorry you’re having a down day mindfulmoomins. I completely understand how low and tearful you feel. Just keep reminding yourself that you have had better days, and you will have them again. It just takes time, as hard as it is, we have to try and ride it out however we can.
I’m glad you got out with friends, even though you got tearful, you were out and not stuck in in a tearful negative thinking loop.

I hope tomorrow is a better day for you xxx

[Mindfulmoomins]

Thank you for your lovely reply Suzy xx