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[starburst]

Hi, I just joined as i have no one else I can speak to about menopause!
I just turned 47 but look young for my age so I'm in denial about my age I think.   

I had my last baby (I've had 5) 3 yrs ago.
I noticed a yr or two back that my regular 28 day cycle was a bit wonky, maybe shortening to 26 days some of the time, and then once I got a period within 2 wks of having just finished another, which was annoying, so that twigged me that this might all be starting.

I had my last period that I remember at end of Jan, but changed computers so can't check my diary if I ha one in feb, but there definately is a long time btwn whenever the last one was now.
I was prescribed vagifem and taken 7 of them so far in one week, because I have been having stress incontinence issues lately.

I got a grd 2 bladder prolapse after my 2nd baby, 12 yrs ago, as i started jogging too soon after she was born, (doctor said I could) and during my 4th jog got this heavy, achy dragging feeling and had to stop running and limped home.

The bladder prolapse has been ok since i saw a private specialist and strengthened my pelvic floor to support it, but its not foolproof.
If I get a bad cough that hangs around, i need to wear pads or I'm in trouble as its too much for my bladder.
I got a Kegel 8 electrostim device a yr ago and have used it at least once if not twice a day and could crack a nut now with my pelvic floor muscles, however certain things are causing leakage, like if i trip over something, jump down from something, shout loudly etc, and its really annoying!
It has effected my ability to exercise and run, as I am always worried about leaking and if I will need to go for a wee to empty my bladder enough to avoid it during the run etc.
Even doing the kegel 8 is not helping enough, so I rang the doctor and talked to her and she's referred me to gynae, but it's probably years wait.
I don't know whther I should just get a loan and look into getting surgery by a good private doctor to sort the stress incontinence once and for all?
Anyway, she asked me to try vagifem to see if it will help strengthen the tissues in the mean time and gave me one prescription without a repeat.

I am loathe to use something like that when i actually have no other symptoms, apart from wonky periods?
I still have an elastic vagina and plenty of natural lubrication etc.

After taking the vagifem for 6 days it seems my period was finally starting so I put my mooncup in, but was surprised the nxt morning to find only a small amount of blood in it, as i usually have a very heavy period and will empty a mooncup full at least 3 times a day at the beginning of a period, and the next 3 days were just like it, just a tiny little bit of blood and the rest clear fluids in the cup, then on night 7 i forgot to use the tablet and there was no blood the next morning.
It can't have been a natural period lasting only 3 days with a little blood so I am wondering if the vagifem caused the bleeding?

Anyway, I have been reading up on all of this stuff and now i am completely terrified and feel really low about the next half of my life!
I'm just at the stage where finally we might be able to have a shag without constant interruptions from kids, and now I am reading that our vaginas will dry up get sore and shrivel completely, and sometimes even fuse together! 
No WONDER women go off sex!
It's not fair the reputation women have for "not being interested" when there are obviously very real reasons why that might be!

No one ever tells us all this stuff!
I was looking forwards to getting slim and a good body back again to myself and now find out its all about to be over.
Does that happen to every single woman?
Is there a way to stop it happening?
Is it a case of "use it or lose it" whereby regular sex will keep it all in order?

This is all a bit depressing!

Should I continue on with the vagifem to try to help the prolapse and what are your thoughts and suggestions about looking into surgery for prolapse privately vs the nhs.
A lady that is a cosmetic surgery guru versed in all things surgery suggested to me that going privately would mean I have choice and the best options available to me and she wouldnt risk having it done by the nhs herself.

I am sick of being soggy pants everytime something happens.
I was gardening the otherday and tripped over a rake and ended up having to go and change as that was enough to make me soggy.

[CLKD]

Hi!  don't be terrified.  Menopause is 'natural' but we aren't told much, R we. 

Some find that keeping a mood/symptom/food diary is useful to chart progress. 

As oestrogen levels drop the body may become dry: inside and out; skin, scalp, legs, vagina, deep in the ears, nostrils ...... as well as muscles may become lax = aches and pains.  Over the counter pain relief will help.

'vagifem' won't do any harm.  I am sure that someone will be along with more advice about prolapse, or you could use the search box.  Do continue with it as it can take a few weeks for the vaginal tissues to take up the very small amount of active ingredient.  ['bladder issues' and 'vaginal atrophy' are worth reading]

Consider how your diet is as well as your exercise regime.  Some find that food might cause indigestion etc., which is a shame when we age.  We have threads on most topics: exercise, dog breeds, gardening, holidays - we talk about menopause sometimes 

Ask away. Nowt is OTT.  Most have been through varying degrees of symptoms.  So don't be afraid of asking.

Ask your GP to refer you to a physiotherapist interested in womens' problems.  There shouldn't be such a long wait anyway! 

[starburst]

Hi

Thanks for your reply.

Mum went thru menopause at 39 for some reason and has always looked really old despite not smoking and staying out of the sun and a lady on a cosmetic surgery page dropped the comment "wait til you all hit menopause! You will age rapidly at the point" which was the icing on the fear cake as I have always been terrified of ending up looking like my dear mother! 
I know its vain, but i want to stay looking young as long as i can, and at 50 she looked really old already!

Is it true that going on HRT keeps you looking younger?
I'm really happy with how things are right now!
I just want to keep a body that works !
I didn't know it would possibly become near impossible to have sex as a result of menopause-its so unfair for women!
We get all the hassles throughout life, yet men get few and as long as they eat healthy and don't clog their arteries, they can avoid getting a floppy one and keep shagging away happily until they have a heart attack on top of their 30 yr old girlfriend!
Meanwhile we get all these things happen to us and written off by society as being dried up old prunes, because of nature.
I am reading alot of posts on here.
I heard from some other ladies that using testosterone gel on your bits can prevent clitoral atrophy, but ofcourse, the medical system doesn't let ladies use that now.
One also said keeping a good blood supply to your parts is important, so the kegel 8 use is good and regular use of a vibrator!
I have never had one of those yet, but if its helpful to not "lose it" i';m up for trying one.

Since I havent hit menopause yet, but am on the way, what things should I be considering trying to keep things normal down there?
The doctor said they dont usually prescribe HRT these days, that losing sexual desire and shrivelling up is all normal and just part of aging so things we need to accept, but that attitude sucks to me!
Men wouldnt accept that, so why should we?

[CLKD]

Which country are you in 

All UK GPs should prescribe what ever is required, be it male or female! Some get a bit sniffy about HRT as they have no understanding of it.

Your Mum may have looked old but that was then!  It's natural to look like our Mums as we age  every time I see a reflection in a shop window it's her looking back   

'cosmetic surgery page' - yeah.  OK.  Put that 1 to bed, very few people need it nor can afford it.  Actually, cosmetic surgery ages women quicker than greased lightning as the effect of skin and muscles being pulled back, doesn't allow a natural sag = looking a) like they have had surgery and b) like they are 100 years older than they really are!

Look at Joan Collins - her regime is good skin care, plenty of water and exercise  .  A bit like me then    Seriously, although genes do play a part in how we age, we can keep well by exercising, eating correctly and being correctly hydrated.

If you can't have sex get some vaginal atrophy treatment pronto! No need for an exam or blood tests.  And if you are in the UK : The doctor said they dont usually prescribe HRT these days, that losing sexual desire and shrivelling up is all normal and just part of ageing so things we need to accept, but that attitude sucks to me! : change your GP next week.

[starburst]

I'm in Wales and it was a female doctor!

I'm on the cosmetic surgery page as I am need to have Diastasis recti muscle repair and a Tummy tuck when I have finished breastfeeding.
5 kids did a number on my stomach!
I've done physio for my diastasis recti, but haven't been able to close it completely, so I have the classic preggy looking tummy, even though I am slim.
I think I might have to change surgeries really, because we have only had locum doctors for the last 7 yrs and no permanent doctors so you never get to see the same person, and have to get to know whats going on, which is a pain, especially for someone like my husband with a chronic illness that needs continuity of care, however most of the surgery lists (and dentists) around here are full so it's not easy to change, so I haven't yet.

I would rather look like a silly floosie when older than age naturally  but my husband has warned me he'll divorce me if i ever do something to my face! 
But I will need my tummy sorted- a closed diastasis is important support for your pelvic floor too, and my stomach still domes up when I sit up from lying down, even though I have good abs.

[CLKD]

That sounds like hard work  .  5 babies, although women are naturally designed to have lots, can play havoc!  Any twins in there?  Apparently there are twins on my maternal side    but I'm long past that.

Could you get referred to a menopause clinic?  MayB have a lookC if there are any within travelling distance.

   have you been home schooling   

[Scampidoodle]

It sounds like you may have already been to a women’s health physio re the prolapse but if not that’s an option. They can grade it as it is now and advise best on your options. From my own experience the GP and nhs gynae are rubbish re prolapse. Just get on with it was my impression so private referral to a urogynae would be best to discuss surgery if you want to go down that route. X

[starburst]

I was talking to my husband about it today, and he said just pay to go private rather than wait for years in a system and go nowhere.
We only have so much time to sort things and get on top of things, so I am glad i found out about all this before I am at the point of menopause as then i have a chance to pre-emptively try to manage or avoid certain things!

I read on another thread that you can avoid atrophy by regualrly having sex or using a vibrator?
Is that true?
I don't have one but my husband said to get one if that is something that will help along the way too?

I went private to a pelvic floor specialist about 10 yrs ago in sydney.
I've had no help for any of that in the UK so just been managing it myself and the kegel 8 really helped last yr but just realised the last little while I feel leaky again even though I am routinely doing the kegel 8 every day.

@Scampidoodle- I've had 6 pregnancies, 5 births, all at home. Baby 5 ended in a missed misscarriage at 12 wks. Went to the 12 wk scan and baby had died so that was sad, but no 6 at age 43 was our rainbow baby.

They are all home educated and we work from home so thankfully that wasn't a shock to us when covid hit!
I really did feel sorry for all the other parents who were hit with a brick not only having to cope with the stresses of a pandemic in finances and fear, but also having kids around 24/7 as it does take some time to get used to!
In the beginning I felt a bit territorial about the house, with them messing it up all day, as they never used to be around during weekdays, and suddenly it was chaos and always a mess, but after a while I accepted its not just my house, but theirs also and we just adjusted to that, and the kids have to learn to pitch in a bit too since they are always around making mess!

[Lyncola]

Hi starburst,
Just a bit about me,I had a hysterectomy aged 44 years old and 4 months later even through I still got my ovaries.
My first symptom was virginal atrophy, I’ve been treating my self now for just over two years, with both Vagifem and Ovestin. I still get the old flare up.

I have regular sex with my husband and I really don’t think for me it makes much difference. But then again if I didn’t have sex would be a lot worse off? So I don’t think using a vibrator or having more sex would be a bad thing. But would it stop it, NO. You definitely would not cure virginal atrophy with sex or vibrators.

I also belong to a private Facebook group called Virginal atrophy, great place to post questions and have other ladies all around the world help you with there experiences. As I said it’s a private group and only members can see what you post. It was started by Jane Lewis who use to be a member here and has written a book called “Me And My Menopausal Virgina” also a great read.

And I’m glad to hear you have a loving and supportive husband
 

[Kathleen]

Hello Ladies.

If anyone wants to do a Google search for the book by Jane Lewis the title is :-

Me & My Menopausal Vagina: Living with Vagjnal Atrophy.

I have found that having the correct spelling is important when doing a search online.
I also saw an interview with Jane Lewis and she needs both systemic and topical HRT to keep her vaginal atrophy under control.

Take care ladies.

K.

[CLKD]

Pre-dictive text doesn't like 'virgina' obviously  .  [vagina]

That looks the wrong spelling 

R U less terrified now?  Sorry about baby No 5, sometimes they simply aren't viable.  One needs to take time 2 mourn . 

VA is due to a lack of oestrogen all over the body = dryness.   . Appropriate treatment used regularly is important 

[Sophie20]

CLKD you mentioned that with a drop in oestrogen the muscles can become lax.  Do you think this also occurs with certain progesterones too?  I have noticed that since being on hrt my muscles are over lax and it is difficult to stop neck pain due to feeling that I can't work my mucles?  I have come off progesterone for a few days and my muscles are less lax.  Can anyone throw any light on this?

[CLKD]

Don't know anything about the effects of progesterone.  Oestrogen is the elastic.

[Taz2]

Don't know anything about the effects of progesterone.  Oestrogen is the elastic.

The "elastic" CLKD refers to is collagen which gives thickness to the skin and it is the lack of oestrogen which depletes the collagen leading to problems with the pelvic floor and can lead the vagina to atrophy. It's not that the muscles become lax as such.   Progesterone can cause laxity problems if you suffer from a hypomobility disorder. Have you ever been tested for this? This article might give you some insight as to why progesterone makes you feel this way https://www.hypermobility.org/hormones-and-hypermobility

Taz x

[CLKD]

Tnx.  Muscles may become lax which causes frozen shoulder, knee problems ....... because the muscles don't bounce back as we age.