Hi guys! Lots of lovely replies
Basically, my mam was an alcoholic, she was either angry and sad, or drunk and happy, so i suppose i took in that drink made you happy, if you weren't drunk, you weren't having fun! As i got into my teens and started drinking, i still believed, if you weren't drunk you weren't having fun. When i left school i was out every Saturday, but always drank too much and was in bed by 10, but still persevered. When i met my hubby, he was a drinker too, so it just carried on all through my life.
The situations i put my self in were shocking, i am lucky to be here really, the things that could have gone wrong. It put a strain on my relationship with hubby, and i wasted so much time being drunk, it's my biggest regret in life.
About 2 Christmas ago, i decided i had had enough, my health was terrible, my mental health was appalling, i was so low, i knew i had to change. It has taken a lot of effort and willpower, and the first year was hard, i didn't really cut down that much, the longest i went was 28 days, then back on, back off. So this year i decided to try harder, and i did 90 days from January to end of March. i felt amazing, everything improved, even though my dad died in February and Hubby dad died in January, but i got through it, if i had been drinking i would not.
Anyway, Lockdown 1.0 happened, so it just happened, boredom, fear, uncertainty, quite a worrying time. Managed to stop for 53 days from July and August, also lost a stone and a half, ate healthy and exercised. Then quite a stressful time at work, which i didn't cope well with, then a young boy in town took his own life and it knocked my for six, i didn't know him, but as a mother it tore my heart open.
I believe stress and pain kick it off, but once i have one, i want to drink everyday. So this year, i am going for totally free for as long as i can. I know lots of people do dry January, so i just thought it might be good to have a thread to support anyone might need it, including myself
Sorry to ramble, nearly finished - Looking back, i'm sure my grief and anxiety this year has been very much influenced by the perimenopause, as i never and any idea what anxiety felt like until the last few months, and i have never experienced lows like i had either, and i can feel myself drifting there again, thats the main reason i am stopping. Drank nearly none stop last 7-10 days and you just feel numb, no highs, no lows, just nothing.