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[Jessicaponies]

I haven't posted on here for a long time, I was going through an early menopause in my mid thirties and while I have just turned forty I am having roughly four periods a year. My husband and I divorced mainly as I had lost all interest in sex and I had low energy levels and anxiety. I am now over him and have recently started seeing a guy a couple of years younger than me and I am getting a bit of a sex drive back again and although we only see each other off and on (thanks to the lockdown) I feel within myself that I am ready to start having intercourse with him.
           I will still need to use a contraceptive and getting a GP appointment at present is almost impossible. The pill is not an option, and I am reluctant to use condoms as I find them very uncomfortable to use but most of the online searches I have used suggest having an IUD or IUS fitted and I really dont like the idea of having an internal examination and getting it fitted as I find them very painful. What did everyone else use as a contraceptive during the start of menopause? I am interested in the Caya diaphragm as I can buy it online and practice putting it in in the privacy of my own home but a lot of people I have spoken to seem to think that the diaphragm is a bit retro. Any thoughts and suggestions?

Kind regards,

Jess.

[CLKD]

Also the diaphragm has to fit exactly and will require fitting by a professional as they are made in different sizes to cover the whole area so no sperms slip by ;-).  U will need a spermicidal preparation with it and insert the thing at least 10 mins B4 intercourse might happen.  Then there's taking it out, washing it and putting it back in the box after  .  Mine would at times flip across the room when I took it out of the box  like it didn't want to go up there in the dark  .  Also if not cared for correctly they can become stiff and useless.

I had the contraceptive Pill successfully for 11 years B4 being sterilised.  What's wrong with him using a condom?  It is essential to be checked for disease, women in the their late 50s-70s are presenting at clinics with nasties so condoms are recommended even after child bearing years.  Do not believe his sexual history at this point, men are not always honest!

[Jessicaponies]

Hi CLKD, the Caya diaphragm is a one size fits all and can be bought on line so you dont need to see a GP or family planning clinic which is something I am keen to avoid as my smear is overdue and I really dont want to get it done again. Not sure though how I would cope with a jack-in-the-box diaphragm so will read a bit more.
          He has mentioned condoms but its me who is anti condom, i find them clinical and I find that they irritate me, we wont be seeing each other for a couple of weeks so I have a bit longer to think of something.

Jess.

[Tinkerbell]

You should really be using condoms, are you both getting a STI check?

[Jessicaponies]

Hi Tinkerbell, we havent discussed having STI checks, its something I am not over keen on as it will almost certainly involve an embarrassing and painful vaginal examination

[CLKD]

I can reassure you that it won't be as painful as some of the nasties!

The medical advice for over 55s embarking on new relationships is to get checks done and wear condoms initially.  Like U I found them irritating without a lot of KY Jelly; does anyone remember the female condom  whose bright idea  .  A real passion killer ..........

There is never a '1 size fits all' with vaginas!! and if you intend to not become pregnant as well as lessen the risks of disease then do speak to your Practice Nurse.  If you think that a vaginal examination might be painful, then it follows that sex will also be.  It's your body so discussion is fine to find out options; you don't have to have an exam if you don't want to.  But getting advice is important ;-).

There are also walk-in sexual health clinics: my nearest is in Boots, on the same floor as the opticians 

[Jessicaponies]

I used the female condom briefly when I was with my now ex husband when I first came off the pill, it was a bit fiddly but it was what made me think of using the diahphragm. I might look at getting STI screening done privately really not wanting to get this done on the NHS

[Tinkerbell]

My adult daughter found out about her partner cheating and had a STI check, it didn't involve anything more than vaginal swabs and a blood test.

[CLKD]

It may be the same GP anyway ........... but going to a walk in clinic on the NHS is possible. 

Do I remember that the female condom could be washed  , can you think about what the neighbours would think leave along parents 

[Jessicaponies]

this has made me smile but Euugh I wouldnt want to wash a female condom leave it to dry and use it again. I honestly thought they were single use. I am seeing my new partner tonight and have a chat with him about  both of us getting checked, not sure how to approach the subject as I dont want to scare him off.

[CLKD]

He may be thinking the same thing?  If he isn't up to talking about keeping each other safe, he ins't worth the conversation ?

"I have heard on the Menopause Matters Forum that new partners should get themselves checked to make sure they haven't any hidden nasties" and then wait.  There's no rush.     Is there 

[Taz2]

The checks are very easy as Tinkerbell says and if you visit a GUM clinic it is all anonymous and doesn't appear on your medical records. I've always found them most discreet and non-judgrmental. It's worth remembering that you can be at risk from oral sex as well as from intercourse. It's a conversation that may feel a bit awkward but not as awkward as the one telling a partner that there is something they may have picked up!

Taz x

[CLKD]

One shouldn't have oral sex if one suffers from 'cold sores' ............ 

[Taz2]

One shouldn't have oral sex if one suffers from 'cold sores' ............ 

I think it's if you have an active cold sore?

Taz x 

[CLKD]

It's not something I have suffered with but I understand it's never if 1 has experienced herpes ? Zosta ?