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[CLKD]

You moan.  Who shares your house over-all?  How do they feel?  Would it be better for someone else to make the suggestions?

Give him a bin and tell him to put rubbish into it, bring it down and sort for recycling.  Explain that you need to get a routine in the household during these strange times and he needs to assist.  Who does his laundry?  He seems to be very rude or depressed? 

5 weeks to go?  and never again?

Many years ago we had a friend stay - he never contributed at all.  He had lived alone so knew what it took to run a household.  We should have sat down and discussed but we thought that as he knew about shopping etc. that he would join in.  We had to suggest that he looked for somewhere else, using the excuse that relatives were going to visit.  We nearly fell out but not quite.  Later we found that he has late-diagnosed Aspergers  -  he's still a loveable rogue - sorry, I digress.  It taught us never to have anyone to stay unless we had a leave date 

[getting_old]

Sorry if this is harsh, and we are in unprecedented times, but I think he's taking advantage of you. When I first went to college I had problems with the student accomodation so ended up staying with friends of my parents for about a month. They had a big house and were really welcoming but I remember spending all of my time ensuring that I was not causing them any problems, being considerate, offering to help with stuff, etc. because I really appreciated the fact that they were helping me. If I'd behaved like your nephew I'm sure they would have thrown me out, and I wouldn't have blamed them. He needs to realise that you are doing him a favour, and that he should be grateful. Instead he's not respecting you or your property. If he were in my house he'd be told that these are the rules he needs to follow and if he doesn't he's out on his ear.

[Blot]

Jeepers this is a really difficult situation for you in the circumstances. I think you are great for taking him in, not sure if I would have tbh. it's horrible when you can't relax in your own home.

We are all giving advice but it's not so easy is it? I think eventually I would end up blowing a gasket and telling him to sort himself out or get out. I couldn't stand the stress of it all.

[CLKD]

When I feel out of control things bother me more than they would do usually .......

How do you feel this morning?

[jaypo]

I agree with getting old(the lady,not actually getting old ) I lived with a couple when I worked as a groom and I did my best to be as respectful as I could,I'd always clean up after myself,keep my room clean and do all I could to not interrupt their household.It may be that he is depressed but I don't think that's an excuse for disrespecting someone who is clearly being kind to you

[CLKD]

Maybe this lad's background has been difficult.  But alcohol ....... alone 

[Jeepers]

Hi

Well, nephew has gone now.  Its been a really difficult week, I've struggled with so much (this is a very messy and complicated situation).  I feel very down about everything, on top of the coronavirus stuff.  You know, the type of down where you just imagine yourself walking away into a sunset, disappearing from the horizon?  This too shall pass, I suppose.

But I just wanted to thank you all for your input, and support. 

 

Jeepers xx

[Two hoots]

You came to his aid, more than most would do at a very difficult time,  I hope he thanked you 

[jaypo]

You?re the better person jeepers xx

[Jeepers]

You came to his aid, more than most would do at a very difficult time,  I hope he thanked you 

He did.  And I think he left on good terms.  However, the following day an envelope was stuffed through my letterbox with the word "rent" on it.  It contained ?500 and obviously my brother in law had done it (I asked nephew and he was puzzled about it).  I can't tell you how upset that has made me.  It was spiteful and a "stuff your help, we will never thank you, so we are paying you off"

Had there been a note, or a "thank you for putting our son up" , or had he knocked on the door,  it would have been different.

So, my daughter and I sent an email saying

"thank you for the money, but we did not take your son in for money, we took him in so that he would have a roof over his head.  So, with that in mind, we have donated the money to Centrepoint, as charity that helps homeless young people"

Its really knocked the stuffing out of me tbh,  but thank you for your comments, they brought tears to my eyes.

Jeepers xx

[jaypo]

Wow,families    but maybe they were trying to be kind? Or is that no? Don't let it eat you up jeepers,you did a big hearted thing 💖

[Jeepers]

Hi jaypo

No, it wasn't a kind hearted thing.  My brother in law is a real piece of work.  He has done some awful things, and after my Dad died 3 years ago, I tried to back off a bit, as I was grieving and his behaviour was terrible.  My sister eventually wanted to "clear the air" and came over.  I didn't want to tell her, because in the past she had ostracised my Mum for speaking out about him (he is a compulsive liar and a control freak to name two of he qualities).  But she is quite scary, so I tried to tell her that some of her husbands behaviours had upset me when Dad died.  Well, that was it, she just raged at me and practically said I was dead to her.  She pushed my birthday gift back through my door, and has not spoken to me since.

When she got her diagnosis, I sent her a note saying how sorry I was, and to let me know if I could help in any practical way, but I got no response.

I am the bad guy, in everyone's eyes.  I can't even tell my Mum that my best friend found my brother in law on a dating web site last year,  he really is a dispicable person.   He even wanted to borrow my Dads car to drive to Scotland less thank 48 hours after he had died. Oh yes, and hge sent a nasty email to my daughter telling her how horrible and vindictive I am, and that everyone calls me Mavis.  It was vile.

Anyway, I'm airing way too much dirty laundry here, 

I think once this lockdown is over, I'm going to look to move away, as its too sad and horrible here

Jeepers  xx

[Sparrow]

Sounds like she knows the truth but didn't want to hear it from someone else.  It's often easier to make someone else the villain.

[CLKD]

You did a good job! and you parted friends.  That's what is important here.  Do you know where he has gone? 

I would have given the money to your nephew ;-).  Unless he didn't want it. 

........ and breath.  You do not come over as a nasty person either!   

As an aside: many years ago my sister rang out of the blue "I'm sending X to you for the Summer" Nope  .  He [16 at the time] had no means of transport, I wouldn't have known him had we passed in the street  but she wanted a baby sitter.  She tried to tell me that he could get a job locally but that would mean travelling to town at least 15 miles there - nope, not interested in baby sitting either    . not interested in becoming a taxi and as for the final remark 'he likes to go Clubbing'  .  Not from this house 

His father had time off work to look after both their lads .........

Put this down to experience.  You stepped in at a time he needed a roof over his head ;-)

[sheila99]

You're a better person than me. I'd have stuck two fingers up at him as I swanned off on holiday (well, not at the moment...). I'm another one who thinks your sister's overreaction is because she knows what he's like but can't admit it. You've done your best and that's all any of us can do. I'm sure your nephew is grateful. Maybe that's made it worse for BIL who would like to portray you as the enemy. Perhaps he's frightened your sister will listen to you and he will lose control over her. You did a nice thing and he is not worth worrying about.