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[Bring me Sunshine]

Hi girls

Sorry to be doom and gloom.  I just cant get "me " back.  Its been almost 4 months (almost 6 weeks on an anti depressant) I know oestrogen is low which I am trying to build up again and I know you have to give it 3 months.  Its been about a month since i upped to 100mg estradot and a week of adding in another pump of gel and 2 weeks since adding in tostran every other day.  I know that im not giving things long enough i know im being impatient its just so hard every day.  I feel fake talking to neighbours everything coming out of my mouth dosent feel genuine, just feel pathetic, hopeless, a burden is this it for the rest of my life.  Isnt that pathetic.  If I didnt have 2 lovely sons and a kind husband I really dont think I would carry on as the mental pain feels physical.

3 years post menopausal and was well for 2 years almost.  I was giving hope to others and even ran menopause cafes.  I have no idea in this current state how I managed to do that.

Just feel i have "run out of luck" So sorry in this climate to sound so sorry for myself just cant speak to anyone about it any more its so boring to them all I say the seem thing all the time "will i get better" "will it pass" but I dont really believe it.  I run every day keep a mood diary but no glimmers at all.

Sorry so negative.

[CLKD]

How's your diet?   The brain needs fuelling so if you are running, do you top up energy levels?  I up my AD dosage when necessary, if I wake for more then 3 mornings feeling low then I add 5mg to my 24 hour dosage for 5-7 days.  Usually that lifts how I feel otherwise I go to the GP for advice.

Do you have access to sunshine, to top up VitD levels as that can make the brain feel low.  I've had ADs since 1988 so know what adjustments work for me. 

Don't assume that how you feel is what your husband sees.  Have that talk!  Get that extra hug ;-)

[Bring me Sunshine]

Hi CLKD

Thank you!

My diet is hit and miss loss of appetite since starting the anti depressant and feel emotionally detached but I am persevering with it as it worked for me years ago with bereavement depression.  I worry that I cant get the oestrogen high enough to make a difference to the mood this time.  I take vit d 1000 every day for years.  I eat bananas!  I do eat but not as much as I should.  I take omega 3 and multi vitamins.

They have just upped the sertraline to 150mg my only fear is that it wont work as I didnt when I started this menopause journey no anti depressants touched it.  But perhaps now I am further along the journey and because i had depression in the past then I need both hrt and anti depressants together.

Just feel distant from the family and keep quiet as dont want to cry and it feels like the same old thing comes out of my mouth all the fears.  Depression is very isolating and Ive been self isolating even before we have been asked to.

Thanks again i know you understand and I appreciate it just have to keep going no other choice

[CLKD]

Take care of yourself.  Stop thinking of others and how they might be coping.  Half a day at a time!

I can't cry due to medication    .  What will start me is the end of The Incredible Journey when Bodger comes over the hill home   

Do you find that keeping a list helps to see what you have achieved each day? When very ill I used to write a list of chores for the next day .... it gave me a focus.

[Bring me Sunshine]

Hi Clio 51

Sorry to hear of your battles too, so many people are fighting their battles thanks for your kindness telling me your story.  i gave up my work 2 years ago because of menopause and for how long with depression/anxiety  I had been off sick the year previous.  I had been there 28 years and it was a good job.  I did start gardening for a friend who has 8 ladies gardening no work at present time and money not great but I was enjoying it before this latest menopause storm.

As you say we have to keep going and ride it out.       

Perhaps I will start that list CLKD and thanks again.

[CLKD]

 

[DS68]

Seems silly but I just wanted to say I feel this way. Faking my way through each day, waiting to sleep again.  Have great husband 2 wonderful son's - yet I have this awfully sad empty space inside and I think it's where I belong but I have no idea  how to get myself back or where the heck I've gone.

Just an observer to everything 😔

Love to you all x

[Bring me Sunshine]

Hello DS68

I too have a lovely husband and 2 sons its crazy isnt it I feel so lucky in life after being through a lot of crap prior to meeting him and having the boys and now i feel im just existing around them like as you put it an observer.  Constantly looking at this site constantly googling symptons constantly looking for answers to get me back.  I did have 4 good days together since writing this post and then crash back to square 1 which seems even harder as you think the good days are a hoax.  I am just taking each day as it comes and try not to analyse when I wake up "am I ok" do I feel joy" cos generally the answer is no and I want to stay in bed but im needed to help with home schooling and all the things that keep me here.  If I didnt have them then I would think stuff this life I have had enough.  But then I have to remember that would be a permanent solution to a temporary problem.  I know you can get better in the menopause as I did but as I have gone further into it levels have dropped and I just cant find the balance yet.  When I do I will report back with any answers and help I could give you girls.  Dont give up xxx

[CLKD]

What caused the crash?  There will be a reason, twigging it is the difficult part.  I had to learn to pace myself on my better days or I did too much and wore me out! 

Appropriate anti-depression medication can help.  Even if it's hormone anixety and/or depression! 

[Bring me Sunshine]

Hi CLKD

You always answer with kindness.  The crash...I have no idea just woke flat again 2 weeks ago hormones???  I did go on anti depressants (sertraline 11 weeks ago almost-increasing every 3 weeks all the way up to 200mg sure thats the highest) as well as a patch and gel (almost 3 months) I will be bathing in the stuff soon.  Just cant get "me " back its like a fear and I run and I chant "This too will pass" "It is conquerable" "Im H A P P Y i know I am im sure I am from one of those 70/s80s shows) it dosent help well  not yet.  I have to be patient...........sigh xx

[DS68]

Gosh yes ! I am so sick of trying to find answers for how I feel.  I've searched blogs, websites that made me feel worse,  brought books, self help online courses, oils, music etc  yet I'm still here in the same position. I really don't know how to pull myself out of this hole I feel like I've fallen into. It just seems.like too much effort.

I know that people suggest telling loved ones how you feel but even when I do I down play it for fear that ' I've lost the plot and the will' may worry them. So I just say I don't feel myself or I feel a bit strange etc.

I'm making an appointment with doc tmrw to see if maybe a change from femiston 1/10 may help. Maybe I need something stronger ? No idea how it all works tbh I struggle to make sense of simple.information lately too, which doesn't fill me.with confidence when trying to articulate how I feel in a 5 min phone call to a doctor I may not have spoken to previously.  Am planning something along the lines of - have been on femiston 3 months - felt like I'm sinking lower each and every day - help me resurface from the depths please.

Will let you know how that goes and what is suggested.

Hugs ❣️

[Bring me Sunshine]

Good Luck with the phone call yes just be completely honest.  My dr is new but has been amazing and rings me every 3 weeks to see how I am.  Desperate to tell herone day that im fine and back.  There will be an answer for you there was for me 2 years ago I just have blipped which is normal and can happen so I have learned from this forum.  I thought the menopause was the odd hot flush not this emotional rollercoaster.  I want to be sociable again not cringe when the door goes and want to hide  or the phone and avoid people/friends which is so much easier now we are in lockdown!  I want to plan ahead and feel interested in things again not just trying to get through each day....hormones....who would have known.

Take care good luck with the call!!

[DS68]

Thank you x

Deffinately agree with your fears - I've never been a social butterfly but even by my standards I've slipped in social skills and desire.

I'm hoping like you they will return and maybe I can invite friends over to dinner again one day - that would be great.  I spent almost 30 minutes today talking to a neighbour, when I finally closed the door I realised I had hardly any recollection of what the heck she had been talking about for 30 minutes !

Just hope I didn't make any promises to attend a end of lockdown wild party or worse to throw a wild party ! Imagine that !