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Menopause Matters magazine ISSUE 75 out now. (Spring issue, March 2024)

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Author Topic: x  (Read 3316 times)

Focus

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x
« on: March 04, 2020, 03:41:15 PM »

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« Last Edit: March 04, 2020, 04:43:03 PM by Focus »
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marge

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Tell yourself you're lucky to be getting older. A lot of people don't.
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CLKD

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  • changes can be scary, even when we want them

It is easy to get into the cycle of OH I'm getting older.  I rarely look in the mirror, weigh myself twice a year and take half a day at a time.

However.  Age is a number.  I know people younger than myself [mid-60s] who are housebound or severely physically disabled.  I also know a man of over 91 who exercises daily - swims 3 times a week, walks every day unless the weather is foul, reads to children in school once a week ......... me, I could do more exercise but can find reasons not to  :-X.  He does his own housework except hoovering upstairs - a cleaner does that twice a week for him.  She also shops the heavy stuff.  He goes to the store every day for his paper and a chat.  He is bright and cheerful.  How he is at home behind closed doors may be another matter but his public persona is one of getting on. 

My Mum, in her early 90s could be 'better'.  But she doesn't like anyone who doesn't toe the line that she thinks they ought to do! so cuts her nose off to spite her face.  If she can't 'rescue' someone, they aren't worth bothering with, including myself  >:(.

What would you like to achieve that you feel age is holding you back against?
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Focus

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Tell yourself you're lucky to be getting older. A lot of people don't.

A lot of people haven't had some of the experiences I've had in life. Am I lucky to have had those experiences? I don't tell myself that, for sure.
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CLKD

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Experiences are that.  Experiences.  Some of mine needed intensive talking therapy to clear my head.  It worked and now I couldn't tell anyone what why I went  ::)

Every thing that happens to us paves the way for our future.  I don't look too far ahead to keep anxiety levels under control and on my good days I stand.  Listen.  Absorbing.  Taking time to sniff the roses etc.. 

Some issues I would like to revisit so that I can discuss at length. 
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Kmorris

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Re: x
« Reply #5 on: March 04, 2020, 05:15:03 PM »

I don't know what to say Focus, other than I do understand....but there is nothing we can do, we can't go back in time...there are times I would love to turn back the clock....but no....all we can do now is go forward....with perhaps a little more wisdom and cherish those we love.

What are your dreams about? Will you share some more?
x
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CLKD

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Re: x
« Reply #6 on: March 04, 2020, 05:28:20 PM »

Why the alterations  :-\
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Focus

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Re: x
« Reply #7 on: March 04, 2020, 05:45:29 PM »

Don't want to read any more trite answers of the 'growing older is a privilege deprived to many' kind.
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CLKD

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Re: x
« Reply #8 on: March 04, 2020, 08:11:51 PM »

So what do you want?

R U in a bad place right now?
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Focus

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Re: x
« Reply #9 on: March 04, 2020, 09:01:44 PM »

More bad days than good at the moment, for sure. Feeling very negative.

Got a rash over parts of my neck and chest a few weeks ago. It's fading. I think it was eczema. IBS...constant diarrhoea. Insomnia for 2 months now, nightmares at least a few times a week. I've chewed through and split my mouth guard. Panic attacks. Feeling like I want to be sick. The only escape is falling asleep for a few hours.

I'm fed up with this. I just want my old self back. I don't want another major life change just a handful of years after the last one.

My friends aren't interested.

I feel totally betrayed by what my body is doing. There is no safety and security anywhere.

How is this going to get any better?
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Focus

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Re: x
« Reply #10 on: March 04, 2020, 09:24:38 PM »

Just ignore me please.
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CLKD

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  • changes can be scary, even when we want them
Re: x
« Reply #11 on: March 04, 2020, 09:29:22 PM »

Little steps.  Breath gently.  Think carefully about your overall diet, I know it's hard.  When anxiety hits my gut shuts down and I don't fancy food.  At all.  Can't even think about how I eat 'stuff' when I am well.  When anxious everything makes me queasy ........

Bodies often feel 'ill' when they need nourishment which is what I failed to recognise from the age of 3 until I was 59.  My body needed sustenance but I mis-interpreted the feelings  :'(
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dangermouse

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Re: x
« Reply #12 on: March 06, 2020, 05:40:01 PM »

Focus, I think you?re still on the combined pill?

You do seem to be following my pattern, where the pill initially worked to dampen my hormone surges but after a few months it broke through again.

I then stopped the pill and used progesterone cream for a couple of years on and off, with varying levels of success in controlling the oestrogen spikes. I also have colleagues who take the progesterone only pill to offset the high oestrogen which works for them.

Then I started getting more migraines as the progesterone levels became less stable. I stopped everything and rode the anxiety waves when they came (twice a day for hours at a time) and then it all gradually started calming down a few months into periods stopping. Strong hot flushes (after a few years of longer periods of internal body heat) also started about a year ago and seem to be calming also.

I hope that gives you hope in that you understand that hormones can get more and more volatile, and exogenous hormones can get less effective in dampening them down, until you get over the peak and then things may start to calm right down for you.
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Focus

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Re: x
« Reply #13 on: March 06, 2020, 06:32:49 PM »

Thank you.

That honestly helps me feel less insane.

I've been tricycling my packets of pills. Dreading the pill free week/days. But this time (as of a couple of days) I hardly feel any difference at all in my mood not taking it. I know I can easily go a week without taking pill. In fact., I'm going to have to remind myself to start taking it again. I remember going insane after 2 days without it last year. I've hardly had any withdrawal bleed either. And sleep...I almost slept for 12 hours last night. Good sleep, deep sleep.

I'm just terrified of how demented my body has been. I feel like that girl in 'The Exorcist' most of the time. And then there are brief lulls every once in a while where I feel like myself again. And I could just cry because I feel like I've found myself again after I thought I'd lost myself forever.
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Focus

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Re: x
« Reply #14 on: March 06, 2020, 06:49:50 PM »

dabgermouse, can I just double check what your timelines were like for all of this? I know everyone's different, but you know, I'll cling to any last tiny shred of hope.
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