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[CLKD]

It's the physicality that strikes me.  No amount of talking myself out of it works.  My whole being, even my shadow, is taken over. 

[Bring me Sunshine]

Good morning everyone

Hi GRL in answer to your question yes it came on suddenly, out of the blue.  I was driving back from being at a do over Christmas and I noticed that when I was talikng with the people I was with I was how can I say analising what I had just said to see if I had spoken enough and could get away with not saying much else, and driving back I was feeling negative about things way in the past that probably hadnt been negative at all but I recognised this wasnt right again. Thats how it started and I started looking for answers because your subject title "just when I thought I was finally, finally cured......."was exactly how I felt.

 I thought I had cracked it back in early 2018.  I even ran menopause cafes in my area to support others thats how well I was.  So I find myself again putting off going to the supermarket as I dont want to bump into anyone who expects the well "me" and not this shadow again, cant hande anything that has the hint of being stressful.  I want to hide away until I emerge well again.  How dramatic that sounds.  I feel so much guilt that my immediate family may have to go through all this all over again with me.  And everyone says it will be okay you always get better.  But as you say when you are clinging on it is hard to believe that will be the case. Im asking the doctor to refer me again to the menopause clinic that helped me get well when my doctors and all the anti depressants i was on over the course of 8 months didnt touch the depression for me because it was hormonal.  The right level of oestrogen finally did but by then I had quit a good job of 28 years so the menopause had a massive upheaval on me.  When I saw the advice saying perhaps oestrogen had dipped and that you need a touch more im hoping for the extra pump to work its magic.  I have also emailed Heather Currie as she was such a great help to me in the past and see what her take on this is.

I will report back if anything i am told can help anyone else and I wait.................In the meantime take care everyone still struggling and know this that you are not alone xxx

[Bring me Sunshine]

Birdy

Dont beat yourself up about sitting in bed we are all too hard on ourselves and what we feel we should be acheiving in this life.  Even if all you do today is get out of bed and make a cup of tea then that's massive when you are not feeling yourself. 

Keep going xxx

[Ladybt28]

Morning "dippy people"    Its horrible...that's it...just horrible, you can't say anything else about them!!!  I don't get the panic dips anymore...the ones which come out of the blue and completely throw you, where you catastrophise only you don't know what about and were not thinking those things seconds before, where you can't think of anything else but those thoughts  at the moment, can't act and are totally paralysing!  That completely stopped for me after 7 months on hrt.  When I was bad no amount of "talking to myself" made any difference to me either CKLD!

I get the "miserable flat" dips where I am lethargic, and a bit gloomy and unmotivated (but now no fogginess Birdy - which is like trudging through teacle!)  and I have to drag myself to do anything, but I no longer have "bed days" which is something because I reckon if I added up how much of my life I have slept through, it seems like half!!  I was in a car accident in 2010 and they added strong pain meds to the AD's I was already on and I know I slept pretty much 18 hours a day for 3 months....scared hubby silly!  I do sleep in when I shouldn't and longer than I probably should  but I can now actually get out of bed after a short while talking to myself!!   and the short talk actually works now.  Maybe it is the progesterone GRL??? being a bit out of balance when it wasn't before? but how and what to do is another question altogether.

There is a bit of a pattern but not really a clear one....it has to do with my progesterone cycle just before a during the "period" part.  Some cycles are worse than others but I have worked out roughly what they are and can trust now (well still learning, it's hard to trust anything when you have been ill for years!) that they will go.
Winter weather, grey days and lack of sunshine don't help.

Birdy - the "unpleasant dreams" I think have to do with the other medication you are taking.  AD's of any kind gave me very vivid dreams all the time.  Since I gave them up I don't dream, hardly at all, and if I only remember them for a minute after I wake but before they were very clear and very bizarre and I could relate them hours after like stories.

If only a set of researchers could put us all on a study and find out what's happening....what a development that would be for womenkind!! 

[Bring me Sunshine]

Hi Birdy

Here is the link to the menopause cafe's https://www.menopausecafe.net/  I did 6 in the end about every 3 months from 2018 till about summer 2019 and until the little place we used to meet in closed.  We still have a small whats app group so if anyone has any news to share they do via that forum.  I think it did help I even had 2 men turn up one time!!

[Ladybt28]

  Them tablets are not only giving you vivid dreams Birdy, they're giving you a vivid imagination as well!!! "brunette sindy doll" - jeez I wish!! How on earth would you get that from my posts!!!.....  I wish I could get that from my posts!!! 

You are about right with the hair colour - its mahogany and I'm 5' 8" and can hide my extra lbs (well stones actually) dispersed against my height. I have massive size 9 feet so have a passion for high heels otherwise I look dumpy and might as well be wearing the boxes the shoes come in but that's it!!  Sindy had a waist and big boobs as I recall - lucky her! lol!

You know what I'm going to say about the oestrogel.  Great that when you dropped the dose it stopped sludgy brain but itcaused mood dip....you need to keep going on the reduced dose for at least a month 6 weeks to see if you can get rid of sludgy brain and if your mood dip adjusts. Horrible whilst your doing it I know and not easy to do...but in my experience the only way to find any kind of balance.  What's your testosterone regime like, can't remember?

I'm not sure that meeting face to face would be such a good idea...(It would certainly burst your fantasy bubble of me for sure!! .  I like it that we can say what we like here and chat pretty much 24/7 and nothing else get's in the way, other than what we are talking or sharing xx

[Ladybt28]

Can you get testosterone?  I found that was the thing that cured the fog.  The oestrogen and progesterone didn't do it on their own.  I didn't find it made me aggressive at all.  In fact once I had got the anxiety and the fog under control I was a lot calmer because I was not so frustrated about feeling so ill and I was better able to cope.  Once the fog lifted, it wasn't such a struggle.

How has you sleep been (other than the dreams) since they put you on mitrizapine (or whatever it was, I think that's it??).  As you know I ditched all my other medications which allowed me to work out what was working on the hrt front and what wasn't but I personally think all the other stuff they give us interferes and brings its own problems.  I know there are loads of ladies on here who disagree but I found they just kept giving me stuff to cure the side effects of the stuff they kept giving me until no one had a clue what was going on! (that was until the other stuff was gone) xx

[Ladybt28]

"Richard with erectile dysfuntion"    well......needs must!!!  Very creative!
Don't try every other day...start twice a week and not a whole pump and see how you go start slowly and try not to rip you're poor husbands head off whilst your trying.  I shall watch out for the murder on the news!! xx

[GypsyRoseLee]

This enrages me. God forbid a bloke might suffer erectile dysfunction, or lose their libido. But no one gives a shit when women are going through Hell.

[Bracken willowshimmer]

Hi Ladies,

GRL I often read your posts in the past and felt I could have written them.  I had year of feeling good and have now dipped again.  Sorry to hear you have too.

I think mine could be because I couldn't get my regular patches and was prescribed hrt tablets to try, which I have currently stopped taking because they made me feel worse.  We have also had two periods of serious illness in our family, one being my son and one being my husband, I think the stress of this hasn't helped.

I am going back to drs this week, hopefully to get different  Hrt. 

Thought I'd share as I know sometimes it helps to know you're not the only one going through it xx

[CLKD]

I also think that the stress and upheaval of the Festive period however much one might enjoy it, can drain the body of energy and it takes a dip.  As well as it being Winter when we are supposed to slow down but modern day society doesn't allow it!  Naturally we would rise at dawn and go to bed at dusk.

[squeaker99]

It must be more of a co-incidence that many of us on here have ' dipped' the first week in January? I have felt significantly OK since October - I had my health anxiety fears but I felt ' myself' - about a week ago everything looked/felt/smelt/tasted different. I even thought my sweat was different - more  musky teenager - I felt weird and wired at night again, the old waking every hour was back.
Could it be lack of light, the fact we are near the shortest day?  Pressure? Planet Alignment?

In last 24 hours it has lifted somewhat though - I don't have quite the same ' this isn't living' feeling.

[GypsyRoseLee]

Hi Bracken, I remember you. So sorry you have dipped too. With you, it's bound to be the change in HRT. It's so annoying about these shortages effecting our HRT. Balancing the right dose is like trying to knit fog, and all these shortages just make it even harder.

[GypsyRoseLee]

Squeeker, maybe our cycles are all aligning themselves via the Internet.

[CLKD]

It can't be affecting all of you without it being a seasonal reason?  Maybe keep a diary and chart the weather plus feelings and compare?  New thread ........ 'seasonal mood swings' ........

I used to hate January but now that nights are pulling out, yes really; I can see Feb., my fav month  , approaching - new Life etc..

People eat differently between November and Jan., which probably affects blood sugar levels = dips in mood?  Also how many exercise enough in the Winter months?  Whereas in Medieval times dusk to dawn would be used fully: herding, slaughtering, changing the floor covers, i.e. lavender etc., ready for winter weather; hedging; wattle and daub required replacing to make property wind tight.  Wood to be chopped.  So exercise all day, sleep all night ......... as we became more cultured and moved into more modern properties, the necessity altered.  Chores alter as days lengthen. 

More people don't have regular exercise or jobs.  Impacting on feelings ........ add menopause and it's a mine field!