Hi redlocks
In 2017 I was referred to a physchiatrist as no anti depressants were touching the depression(no one had mentioned menopause to me despite me then approaching 51) I kept asking at work did anyone feel depressed thinking it may be that but the ladies I asked only had hot flushes and thats all I naiveily thought Menopause was, hot flushes. My mum had died young so no one else to ask family wise. Sertraline, Mitrazapine, Ariprozole and finally Venaflaxine 300mg! Nothing touched the depression off work for months (since left it) I sat looking at this physchiatrist and him at me telling me I was treatment resistant and no idea what to do with me. I was suicidal. Then one day towards end of Jan 2018 after finally being referred to a meno clinic and experimenting with different hrt, tablets and then gel. I got up to 4 pumps and I was well, joy returned, planning thinking ahead not hiding away, was interested in other people again, even liked them as I had felt sad, mad, scared now I felt glad to be alive. For me it was obviously hormonal and I needed to get up to the right level. I had suffered depression in the past from around 20 due to bereavements, infertifilty failing etc but that was always put right within months with anti depressants so this time I was totally terrified, hated myself, guilt continously that I was a burden on my family, failure, what was the point of me being alive etc etc all those negative words that go through your mind. The past was all negative in my head, the present and I had no future. Then I was well again. Do not think you will not get well, you WILL its just getting the right balance of treatment and it takes time and its hard because we all want to be fixed and well, so badly. I stayed well and even reduced the pumps to 3 around end 2018. I am curruntley having a blip for some reason. I am going to have a blood test hopefully this week and have increased about a week ago up to 4 pumps of gel.
Its scary its awful its a waiting game for things to turn around again but things do turn around again you just cant put a time on it but never give up becuase it may not be this week or next but it will happen! I was at the end of the road and it turned around and it will for you.
Take care x