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[CLKD]

or something like that.  Haven't dared open the article by the BBC this morning or I would get Nothing Done  but wonder a) who is funding the project and b) how did anyone find out who might be a suitable candidate/s 

[CLKD]

 

I have sent a detailed e-mail to the guy whose name is on the headline ;-). 

[squeaker99]

I've done quite a bit of reading about narcissists/sociopaths as part of trying to understand my (now estranged) mother.
Although we are all on a spectrum some people are born with a physical/chemical make up that means they never feel
empathy or remorse, no matter how ' awful' we think the things they say and do to other are.

 Recognising that my mother ticked most of the behavioural traits of the above  (and had done her whole life) helped me come to terms with the fact that I could never ' change' her or expect her to behave as I would.

One problem is that these types of people will not recognise that they have these traits or that there is anything ' wrong' with
their behaviour, they will never apologise - because what they say and do is always ' right' - no matter how harming to others.

[CLKD]

Spot on!  Mum would never believe her behaviour if it were explained.  Although she has sent 3 letters this week - the 1st for over 12 months - because she shouted at me 3 weeks ago and her brain is now 'tangled'  .  Her anger outs occasionally and she then sleeps for hours but the Staff don't notice, 2 them it's usual for the elderly to sleep in the day    . 

So she's on a cycle of anger and then writing to us like nowt has happened. 

I sent a long e-mail to the author of the study - no reply as yet 

[jaycee]

I agree,they have no conscience,don't care who they hurt as long as it's not themselves, and hate being critisized,always someone else to blame, always have a sob story, want to know all about you,but keep their secrets
I just can't read about narcissists as it makes me angry,that's another thing, soon get into a rage themselves, can flip just like that
I know one and was married to one, didn't realise at the time, wasn't allowed friends, accused of all sorts even though i never went out on my own
Always the nice guy,to other people, can't do enough for other people, full of charm, etc all false, but love the adoration,
Where did you see this CLKD?

[CLKD]

BBC News last week.  Queens University, Belfast I believe.

How would anyone find candidates for such a Study in the first place 

I think Mum threw a temper tantrum at an early age and got away with it and that enabled her.  She would goad my Dad until he flew into a rage which allowed her to be the victim.

A few years ago my younger sister sent a box for Mum to open at C.mas: she put it to one side "I'll open that later".  Each package she opened it was "I wonder if this is from X".  Well no, we tried to remind her that X's box was over there  .  She then opened it "I'll open your packages last as you are here".  Everything she unwrapped from that box was "Oh how lovely", "What lovely soap" ........ when she opened ours it was "What did you want to give me soap for, X gave me lovely soaps I won't need any more". 

If I even frowned it would be "Oh you are SO jealous of your sister".  Never good enough. 

[Tinkerbell]

My mother is a narcissist, no empathy what so ever, plus all the other things that go with them, the times she has said totally inapproiate things to people when they have been dealing with bereavement etc is shocking. As i have got older i have realised how much my unbringing has affected me, my father was an enabler, i am low contact with them.

[jaycee]

Has anyone looked at Quora.com, it tells you all you need and want to know bout Narcissists, very enlightening,  and informative,also videos on   you tube,about all the personality disorders

[CLKD]

Not yet jaycee not yet ;-)

[squeaker99]

Will  check that  site out. I have struggled more with my dad who has stayed and stuck up for my mum.

He is quiet and submissive and sometimes on the end of her twisted view of the world. He never
speaks up or goes against her, no matter now crazy or hurtful she is.  I still live in hope he will call out
her behaviour and be a 'dad' to me. But the last thing he said to me (3 years ago) when I tried to
tell him my mother had been like that  my whole life was that I was just ' causing trouble' and 'trying to
come between them up'.

It's hard going through Meno with toxic family relationships. They live 5 minutes away but have had no
contact now for 3 years for my own sanity.

[CLKD]

Well done on backing off.

Headline: BBC - Narcissists 'horrible people but happy'
By Sean Coughlan
Family and education correspondent
29 October 2019



Knowing what I do now I wonder why Dad stayed  .  He got the blame for many issues but I can see he wasn't all at fault.  Of course kids forget that parents had a life B4 we arrived, a life that continues to mutter under the grind of daily living 

[Lanie66]

Very interested to read your post squeaker99, it's a carbon copy of my life!  I've been estranged from my parents on and off for 20 years.  It's only in the last 8 that I've begun to understand that it wasn't my fault, and have found an excellent therapist who I can rationalise stuff with.  I'm 53, also adopted, and feel most of my life was wasted because I was so concerned about being unworthy I didn't have the confidence to embrace opportunities when they came along.  I was brought up with alot of peculiar beliefs etc, that's the main difficulty now (feeling a bit different) although I am a million % happier being away from 'her'.  I tried explaining the reasons for my estrangement to my mother but as stated narcissists cannot see their failings nor will they ever apologise. Another problem is that wider family members think you're the world's worst for 'abandoning' an elderly woman (father died 4 yrs ago), sorry but what goes around, comes around.  Be happy in your own space/life/skin squeaker99, it gets easier the longer time passes.

[CLKD]

...... no response from the Author either so he'll never know how they really work!