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[Chihuahuachick]

I am living with an absolute prick whilst going through the peri menopause.

I am really trying to keep myself together.

It's not the menopause that gets me down.

I have suffered 15 years of abuse from him. I lived alone and he was my boss. He worked his way into my life and I ended up losing my job because he is a control freak and just took all of my work off me so I left my job, it was soul destroying not having anything to do all day.

He controls what I eat, I don't go out anymore because I get days worth of extra abuse afterwards.

I have no job at the moment because I am waiting to get a new artificial eye.

My neighbour is a problem and bullies me using another neighbour and he stops me from sticking up for myself.

I am stuck financially with him

He never touches me and I haven't had sex for years because he is rough and says it's my fault I don't like it. Even though he told me his ex wife complained he was rough.

I wish I could get rid of him.

He is vile.

[Focus]

Jeez, I'm so sorry.

Glad you were able to post on here though. and are at the point where you realise - and can talk about - what's been going on. That's really huge. I think you'd be surprised at how many women have lived thought something similar in their lives...myself included.

It sounds like you don't have much support from the people that are in your life. Do you have family you can speak to? Friends? Although I'm guessing that might be difficult if you do, knowing how people like him operate?

Have you tried finding a helpline? They've been really invaluable for me in the past. I knew at the time that a lot of the things that my ex partner said (and did) to me were wrong, horrible, violent and downright creepy, but being able to speak them out loud to someone that I knew wouldn't judge me for being in that situation and wouldn't tell me what to do, but would also be honest about how those things sounded, was unbelievable helpful in taking another step along the road I had started to go/was on.

Sending you love and strength.

[Lanzalover]

Good morning Chihuahuachick

So sorry to read of the situation you find yourself in.

Please please please get help Focus has given you some good advice.

And remember none of this is your fault it's his.

Pick that phone up and speak to someone for help and support.

Take care and good luck
Lanzalover x

[CLKD]

R U in the UK?


Begin with your GP.  Some men insist on going into the appts. so that the woman can't tell.  Trouble is, if you said a firm 'no' at the surgery door he may well 'start' when you get home.  If so and this is something that you a) fear and b) would strengthen your resolve to leave, I would suggest that you have a response ready and say to the GP "I feel in danger from this man, I need help to find safety " so that you don't have to return.

It may well then involve the Police.  R U ready for this? 

R there items in the house that you treasure?  Do you have pets that he would take out his anger on therefore tying you to the house? 

You R at the 1st hurdle.  You need to think that this will not improve however much he tells you it will.  You may be reliant right now but eventually you will gain strength with support!  Coercion is illegal in the UK and carries a heavy penalty.

 

[Focus]

Good grief, CLDK...my feet barely touched the ground reading that...GP, police, moving house...phew!

I honestly would struggle with some of that (let alone all of that) if I was feeling on top my game physically and emotionally.

[Perinowpost]

Chihuahuachick

Little steps, get yourself a plan. Start with legal advice to see what you are entitled to financially. Get your eye operation sorted. There are lots of organisations that help with DV (in all it's forms), some offer sheltered housing.

Once you have an escape plan you'll feel better because you'll have taken back control of your life. You're worth more than this. You can do it x

[kayellvee]

Chihuahuachick, firstly I'm incredibly sorry that you're in this situation.

Are you ready to leave him yet, do you think?  Do you have anyone, a relative, a friend, anyone you trust who can help you start getting all your ducks in a row?   Or do you just need to let it out somewhere (like here)?

There are helplines you can call (depending on whether you feel it is safe to do so) - a quick Google will bring up some numbers of domestic violence helplines (even if he hasn't physically assaulted you, it doesn't matter).

Feel free to vent here any time, even if you don't want to leave just yet.

[Chihuahuachick]

Thank you all for being understanding. I appreciate it more than you know.

I am looking at the smaller picture to try to rectify things.

My body clock is out because I have just suffered a bout of IBS.

I need to sort that out first as I hate falling asleep at 2 am and getting up at midday.

Then hopefully in another 3 weeks I will have my eye so I can start to look for a job.

Those are my priorities right now.

Then I hope to be able to get shut of this abusive vile person and his baggage.

I just haven't got any support with the body clock issue and I must sort it out.

So so grateful for your help.

You woukd honestly not believe how much I have put up with from this idiot.

XxxxxX

[Perinowpost]

Good luck and please let us know how you get on, we'll be thinking about you x

[Chihuahuachick]

Thank you.

It's never going to change with him. I just hope I get a decent job and I can move on with life.

I'm trying to offer my support to others on the forum, and be strong as it puts more good back into the world other than feeling low.

[Focus]

You're very kind and giving Chihuahuachic.

But please look after yourself first and foremost.

When my now ex husband left me (alcoholic, affairs), I was terrified. I always earned a lot, lot less than him, and not really enough to survive. I was pretty much totally reliant on him financially.

Don't get me wrong, the first 6 months were hard, for all sorts of reasons as well as financial.

But slowly I got to a point where I was able to raise my head high, raise it above the parapet, and I was able to start planning a future for myself financially.

I'm still working on it, 4 years on. But it's been unbelievably rewarding. And it works.

You'll get there. Slowly but surely, one step in front of the other. And you'll be super proud of yourself for doing that xx

[Chihuahuachick]

Thank you.

I would love to be able to survive on my own and have a partner that finds me attractive.

I would love to meet someone that I can be intimate with. I have not had thst for a long time.

I think covering this abusive relationship up is easy as I am an attractive and caring person, so people just assume thst I have a nice partner, they couldn't be more wrong.

I am really trying to focus on getting my body clock back to normal. I so want that so badly.

I never thought I would come across someone so horrible in my life let alone live with someone like I do.

And to think he doesn't even think thst there is anything wrong with him, honestly, it's unbelievable.

And his family are horrible. His mother was vile, she raised generations of abusive people.

His daughter is so vile that she ignored her own daughter at a dinner table when we were all eating. The daughter had been asking for sanitary products all day, as that day she had started her periods and she had got money stuck in the machine in the toilet of the restaurant. That was our pre flight meal to two weeks away on holiday with them. On the holiday I found out that his daughter and her husband used to get the 11 year old to babysit a 6 year old and a one year old while they went and got pissed on a school night.

Vile vile people, that's only the half of it.

Pity I was a year into the relationship before I found this out. And they live miles away, so I was nowhere near to find out.

To think that I took him in and he pushed me out of my job is terrible. And he cannot see where he is wrong.

I think that's why I get so much abuse, because abusing him back doesn't come naturally. Vile man.

[CLKD]

Trying to 'get back' uses up energy. Having a plan is important even if you don't act on it, it gives a sense of control.  Don't do anything that will rile him. 

Let us know how you get on?

[Whatsupwiththis]

Love your screen name...avid animal lover here....make sure you're in a strong financial situation before you give the jackass the royal boot up the old keister!  That's how people gain control is thru finances.  Can you put some money aside on a regular basis?  If so, a little coin every week in a bank account would be a good start.  Good luck and keep your head up and look forward to disposing of the jerk.

[Chihuahuachick]

CLKD you are so right and I'm so grateful for your comments.

That's just it, getting back at him uses up energy and it's energy I do not want to use at the moment as I need it for myself.

I have a plan and I will indeed stick to it.

I need to get my body clock sorted, get my new eye settled and find a job. That's my plan, 'f' him. I'm using my energy on the plan.

I even thought of joining a site to meet someone else, but I just think that would be some other a-hole latching onto me. I don't need it. I don't want the stress. I would much rather post here with genuine people that care.

I would also like to join some club when I am working. Something like rock climbing or something totally irrelevant like that, just to make friends.

I have no problem at all with going somewhere to meet people where I don't know anyone. I have confidence.

I just hope I can document my journey on here and get this plan as aforementioned in force.

Any advice is greatly received from you all and I thank you in advance xxxx