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[alibeau]

Hello Ladies,

I'm not sure if anyone can help at all, I have such a mixed bag of symptoms and emotions going on, I think I will just try and keep my post to bullet points below to help me keep on track.

I am 47.
I've been peri menopausal for about 2 years, unbearable hot flushes being my main symptom, on the hour every hour of the night and day.
Started taking Femoston 1/10 about a year ago, happy with the results, hot flushes gone.
In March this year I felt like some of my peri symptoms were creeping back (low energy, aching, mild random hot flush) which I was due to address with GP but then....
My 15 year old daughter died suddenly in April.
GP did not want to alter HRT at this time, I agreed.
Diagnosed with anxiety in late April after an anxiety attack at home resulting in a trip to A&E. Paid for a private appointment to see heart specialist (as I was worrying about my chest pains and at this point did not know the cause of my daughters death), ECG, etc all ok.
Took beta blockers (low dose) for a couple of months but I got to the point where I didn't think they were helping so I gradually stopped them (so have been off them for 2 months).
Anxiety symptoms have kicked back in in the last fortnight as we have finally had some preliminary results from the coroner (daughter died of pulmonary aspiration), this hit me hard and felt worse than being back to square one.  At the moment, I feel I am getting mentally stronger again but physically suffering....

My current symptoms are:

Fluttery & tight chest at times (anxiety I presume)
Infrequent Palpitations (anxiety I presume)
Low energy (grief/anxiety? hormones?)
General aching (hormones?)
Left sided breast/rib/chest ache/pain (on and off).
Tiny lump found (just beneath my skin) where my left breast meets my armpit. Difficult to find it as I can only feel it when my arm is relaxed and not when my arm is up in the air as I would usually have it when examining my breasts.

I am due to see my GP on the 9th.  I don't know where to start with my current list of symptoms when it comes to my appointment, how on earth is my GP supposed to know what to do with me?

If you are still reading, thank you.  I don't know what I expect any of you to say if I can't figure all this out for myself......

I suppose I am just looking for anything constructive that may help with my GP appointment?

Thanks.

Ali x

[Grheliz1]

I have never posted here before but had to say how sorry I am for your terrible loss. 💐

[CLKD]

Have you found out the cause of your DDs sudden death? 

Maybe decide which symptom you would like to ease first?  Make a list to take to the GP appt. and ask to talk through to see which needs treatment, then ask for explanation of treatment/s offered?

You are grieving, naturally.  Have you contacted your local CRUSE group? 

 

[alibeau]

Thank you both.

CLKD - yes she died of pulmonary aspiration (food matter was found in her lungs).... 
That is good advice, I think I would be happy to stick with the HRT and perhaps work on easing my anxiety.  Thing is I felt better in myself for just typing out everything I was feeling... I would rather not take medication, at times I feel I am a warrior who can work through all this but at others it is all just too overwhelming. The strong me outweighs the overwhelmed me.

My 13 year old daughter has just found a counsellor she can open up to, both my husband and I did not feel the need for counselling in the early days but now feel we would like to give it a go and are awaiting appointments.

Having said all that I would like to give the counselling a go prior to starting any anxiety medication.

I have been practising some meditation/mindfulness and also have signed up for a yoga/meditation course, an hour and a half once a week for four weeks starting this Thursday......

Ali x

[CLKD]

Does knowing why, help?   

Relaxation and listening to music won't go astray.  We all grieve in different ways and there is no time-line.

I use Bach 'rescue remedy' mouth spray with success but take regular betablockas and anti-anxiety medication to hand 'if necessary'.  So there are plenty of ways to try to counteract anxiety surges. 

xx

[alibeau]

CLKD - thank you. Erm, yes it does help in a way... we waited 23 weeks for the coroners preliminary findings, we had expected the reason to be some serious underlying health condition that we did not know about, so to find out it was a 'freak event' that killed her was hard to handle and seemed like such a 'pathetic' reason to die.... iyswim.... not that there is ever a 'good' reason.....

I could try the beta blockers again, my problem is, is that the last few months have all been a bit 'foggy' and so I can't clearly remember if they helped at some point (I think they must have done).... and perhaps I could take them more 'as and when' required...

Thanks again, I do appreciate your input!!

Ali x

[CLKD]

I use 20mg Propranolol at night.  Initially it was 80mg 3 times a day [years ago] then dropped to 40mg twice a day then for 5 years 40mg at night.  I woke with headaches so dropped the dose to 20mg.  I also take an anti-depressant at night and 5mg in the morning. 

[QueenofReds3]

Hello alibeau
I agree with CLKD in making a list to take to your GP appointment and I feel that counselling for you and your husband will hopefully help ease some of the pain.
I am so sorry for your loss , I cannot begin to imagine what you and your family are going through. Sending love.

[alibeau]

Again, thank you both.

I think that I was too eager to stop the Beta Blockers, I wanted to prove to myself that I was 'ok'..... I honestly can't remember how much they were helping at the time (or not as the case may be)...

I am far more open now to taking appropriate medication as I feel my physical symptoms are not helpful as we try to put our lives back together....

And I guess that the other frustration is that I just want a quick fix when clearly it could take time to find the right dose and medication if/when the time comes.

Thanks again, it has helped a great deal to think all this through in a calm way....

Ali x

[Kathleen]

Hello alibeau

I am so sorry for your loss and naturally you are grieving for your daughter. My heart goes out to you.

Your current symptoms do sound like the menopause and as your HRT had been helping your GP may suggest an increase in dose to see if this helps.

I am sorry that I can't be of more help but there are many knowledgeable and sympathetic ladies here who can support you at this difficult time.

Take care and keep posting.

K.

[alibeau]

Thanks Kathleen.

I had a good chat with hubby this afternoon prompted my post and replies on here.

As he quite rightly pointed out, we've only just received the Coroners preliminary findings, it may go to inquest, we haven't even had the opportunity yet to start healing, 23 weeks of worry about what the reason was, plus even today we had to pop into school to speak to the head about informing our daughters friends and parents about the cause of her death.  We still have some friends that we need to tell.... It's been a relentless six months, no wonder my body is in turmoil!

Plus the peri menopause.....

I think I probably deserve a medal 

Ali x

[CLKD]

You can certainly have a    little steps 

[alibeau]

Birdy, CLKD - Thank you x

Your replies are much appreciated - I do feel better for sharing all my thoughts and for your replies, so many thanks.

'To get through the hardest journey we need take only one step at a time, but we must keep on stepping'

Ali x

[AgathaC]

I am so sorry for your unimaginable loss. I'm not surprised that you are suffering physically. In so many ways, you are doing amazingly well, just getting up every day and functioning.
Grief works in unexpected ways. I would take as much counselling as you can. Talking helps, especially about your beloved daughter.
My friend lost her son suddenly two years ago and she is just now beginning to feel that she can function, although her life will of course never be the same again.
I would definitely say you deserve a medal. I can see what must be your amazing resilience and lovely nature in that comment of yours.
I would get the GP to rush you through on the boob checks - you've had enough stress not to have to wait. Given your circumstances, I reckon the GP could rustle up an emergency appointment (Not that I'm saying it's an emergency - just good to get it put to bed).
I'd like to repeat how sorry I am for your loss x

[Henckenstein]

My heart goes out to you - I don't think I've ever felt what that means so deeply.
I am lost with admiration at your strength and determination to treat yourself with love.
You are making your way with grace through a terribly hard time, and one step, one action at a time, you will come through this X