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[Roobee]

My mum who has dementia had a hospital appt today along with my poor struggling dad who is her carer, I was supposed to go to help him and I just couldn't 🙈 anxiety so bad I couldn't even begin to think about going.
How can I explain and deal with this? I'm letting people down all over the place and that alone makes me feel worse.
I am a total loser and I don't see it changing anytime soon!

[jaypo]

Now now now roobee,we'll have less of that,nobody on here are losers.
Anxiety is a force to be reckoned with,maybe ask your mum or dad,if she suffered anxiety or depression during menopause,we all assume our mums sailed through it all as they don't/didn't speak about it.
Don't put yourself down, I suffered crippling anxiety not so long ago,was absolutely terrified to tell my husband I was having doubts going on a cruise that was all paid for and at the last minute but after advice from ladies on here, I picked up the courage to speak to him,I shouldn't have worried,he was completely understanding as I'm sure your folks will be,don't keep it all in and try to hide it,it makes it worse
Xx

[TaylorJ]

My mum who has dementia had a hospital appt today along with my poor struggling dad who is her carer, I was supposed to go to help him and I just couldn't 🙈 anxiety so bad I couldn't even begin to think about going.
How can I explain and deal with this? I'm letting people down all over the place and that alone makes me feel worse.
I am a total loser and I don't see it changing anytime soon!

Hey Roobee, I'm a newbie to this Forum , and honestly since my first post yesterday and reading through many threads on here you realise you are not alone . I have suffered with anxiety/panic attacks for nearly 16 years now...wow I scare myself thinking how long its been . My health anxiety has been through the roof for the last 18 months when all these Peri symptoms started. Take small steps at a time. I couldn't even sit in my own house without knowing my parents were round the corner , I couldn't go anywhere on my own , even dragging family members to the hairdressers with me. It was crippling .....I have had counselling and been on antidepressants for years managing to come down to 10mg of Citalopram which I find helps . I still can't go places to far away from home on my own but I'm working on it.

You're not alone , have you spoken to your GP or on any medication for anxiety ?

Keep posting and reading on here , honestly its a Tonic xx

[Roobee]

Now now now roobee,we'll have less of that,nobody on here are losers.
Anxiety is a force to be reckoned with,maybe ask your mum or dad,if she suffered anxiety or depression during menopause,we all assume our mums sailed through it all as they don't/didn't speak about it.
Don't put yourself down, I suffered crippling anxiety not so long ago,was absolutely terrified to tell my husband I was having doubts going on a cruise that was all paid for and at the last minute but after advice from ladies on here, I picked up the courage to speak to him,I shouldn't have worried,he was completely understanding as I'm sure your folks will be,don't keep it all in and try to hide it,it makes it worse
Xx


I wish I could ask my mum but she doesn't even know who I am anymore 😢 just feel as though my poor dad needs me and I'm totally useless to him at the moment.
He has so much to deal with, that's a whole lot worse than me

[Roobee]

Why does my reply go into the quote box? 🤔

[pants46]

You must have hit 'reply with quote' 

[Roobee]

I must have! 🤷🏻‍♀️

[pants46]

And my long reply to your post has disappeared. I guess we are having one of those days 

[jaypo]

Welcome to the menopause ladies 
I'm sorry about your mum,your dad must find it very difficult but you have to try and get yourself “fixed” first and try to explain to your dad that you will be there for him as much as humanly possible,he won't think any less of you if you yourself are having a bad day,will he?
Do you have siblings?

[Roobee]

Thanks for taking the time to write a long reply anyway pants46 😍

And thank you jaypo and taylorJ, just some days it REALLY gets you 😢

[Roobee]

Jaypo I have a sister who does a lot but I think she is fed up with me. I used to be the one who always held everyone else together and think they find it hard to understand that I'm not that person at the moment.
I think I'm beating myself up more about it and that makes me worse, I just feel so sad that something as simple as going out now seems like a massive drama that I can't handle ☹️

TaylorJ yes I've spoken to my GP and he gave me evorel conti patches but I'm too scared of those causing more anxiety and palpitations, so haven't tried them.
I want to avoid AD if poss but maybe that's just silly?

[CLKD]

You 'think' that your sister is fed up with you?  Why not ask  .  That may be your guilt talking.

Get in touch with AgeUK in the area where your parents live.  They have lots of leaflets about various situations that the elderly find themselves in.  Get them and read.  Make notes.  See what agencies are in the area that could take your parents to appts..  Do they go to a dementia support group at all, it would give your Dad a break to mix with other carers.

R they getting Carers' allowance etc.?  Again AgeUK may be able to help.  Is there a hospital car service in their area, run by volunteers via the NHS.  Ask.  Get in touch with the patient support group at the Hospital, in my area it's PALS.  See what is available to help when your parents arrive for appts. etc..   Share this info with your sister.  You both need support too!

Why not try an anti-anxiety medication for 6 months to see if symptoms ease?  Without mine I wouldn't get out of bed!!! I take propranolol at night to ease anxiety surges and have an as-necessry emergency drug to take when anxiety floors me.  Rescue Remedy can be useful too.

[Katejo]

Jaypo I have a sister who does a lot but I think she is fed up with me. I used to be the one who always held everyone else together and think they find it hard to understand that I'm not that person at the moment.
I think I'm beating myself up more about it and that makes me worse, I just feel so sad that something as simple as going out now seems like a massive drama that I can't handle ☹️

TaylorJ yes I've spoken to my GP and he gave me evorel conti patches but I'm too scared of those causing more anxiety and palpitations, so haven't tried them.
I want to avoid AD if poss but maybe that's just silly?

You could try half patches first. That is what I was initially prescribed. It didn't make any difference so I have moved to full but it might help you to have a gradual introduction.

[TaylorJ]

Jaypo I have a sister who does a lot but I think she is fed up with me. I used to be the one who always held everyone else together and think they find it hard to understand that I'm not that person at the moment.
I think I'm beating myself up more about it and that makes me worse, I just feel so sad that something as simple as going out now seems like a massive drama that I can't handle ☹️

TaylorJ yes I've spoken to my GP and he gave me evorel conti patches but I'm too scared of those causing more anxiety and palpitations, so haven't tried them.
I want to avoid AD if poss but maybe that's just silly?

Hi Roobee

I couldn't cope without my AD, I tried to come off them before all this started but found my anxiety got worse . Maybe have a chat with your GP , you can get a low dose like what I am on  10mg , sometimes we need a little bit more help, with how your anxiety sounds,  bless you, it does'nt sound as if its going to go away on it's own xx

[Roobee]

Thank you ladies, everything you say makes perfect sense.
I think I may stick half a patch on and see what happens and if not maybe ask for something else.
I kind of thought I could get a handle on it myself but that doesn't seem to be happening ☹️