This may be long, I apologise in advance. I have always been a little anxious, worrying over stupid things but right now it is taking over my life. I will start at the beginning if this sorry episode which was last August.
I noticed blood when I went to the toilet, googled, as you do and convinced it was a hemerrhoid or tear. It was a one off, all was fine. A few weeks later on holiday in Greece I ‘thought’ I saw blood again but thinking about it it could have been too many tomatoes! I had a big wobble which resulted in me not eating properly for a couple of days and then got diarrhoea. I broke down to my husband, he calmed me and I got on with life happily for another 9 months.
For absolutely no reason at all, except for discovering that beetroot crisps turn your poo a red colour and thought I had soreness in my bottom so googled again. Discovered anal cancer! Oh god, never knew this could happen, further reading led to me being in a high risk group, even though it is rare. To cut a long story short an old boyfriend performed anal sex on me without consent several times, 35 years ago, he was dumped and then I discovered he had given me genital warts, which were treated. No HPV has been found in any smear test since 1986.
Convinced myself I had either bowel or anal cancer, started feeling back ache, maybe ovarian cancer! Booked for a free, NHS, over 55’s bowelscope. Went to GP, rambled on about back ache, worrying it was cancer and was sent off with ibuprofen and cocodomol and told not to lift.
Anxiety increased as discomfort in anal area remained, with a nervous tummy, decided the pain was coming from my tailbone area but discomfort made me aware of every twinge, pain or feeling and was scared to go to the toilet.
Started feeling sore in my vagina, got a canestest kit, test stick made me bleed, so went to the GP. without an examination or swab, she diagnosed BV and gave me anitbiotics. A few days later, still sore, I treated for Thrush. No improvement led me to check for soreness in the mirror. In horror I saw, and felt what I though to be lump in my vagina and booked an emergency appointment with the GP. She felt nothing sinister inside, felt my tummy, no lumps. She said that what looked like a lump was actually loose skin due to laxity. She said she noticed eczema around the labia and gave me canestan HC to treat the soreness, took a swab, which came back normal.
A week later, I had my bowelscope, no polyps, no tumours just a few small hemorrhoids internally and her words were ‘nothing to worry about’. Healthy bowel. Took the results to the GP and discussed my health anxiety issues and she prescribed my an anti anxiety medication, which is still unopened as I do not want to go down that road.
Fast forward two more weeks. I am still feeling soreness in my tailbone, keep feeling I need the toilet when I don’t, sore around my anus. Convinced they missed my ‘anal cancer’ in the bowelscope. Sick, feeling every bodily twinge. Bowel habits are normal.
Can I be imagining all of this? It has really taken over my whole life and I don’t want to do anything, difficult when I work, self employed, looking after children 55 hours a week.
I have read that the menopause causes anxiety, could this be it? Do I have tailbone pain which is causing the bowel feelings too? I am a mess to be quite honest. Cannot face another GP appointment, my usual doctor is now off until September. Feel like a time waster.
I have self referred to a wellbeing service for counselling on health anxiety but the wait is long. Just want to get well before my holiday in August.
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Topic: Health anxiety is taking over! (Read 2329 times)