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[Hopeful1]

Hello all. I'm finding that as I progress through peri trying lots of different  treatments including  lifestyle and hrt I'm starting to avoid people.

The main reason is because friends and family who haven't had menopause symptoms keep offering me unsolicited advice.

I know they mean well and are trying to help but they are driving me nuts.  I've been open about what I'm going through mentally and physically and explained people offering advice makes me irritable but they keep doing it. It's got to the point of me cutting contact and only wanting to speak to women who get how difficult it is.

I'm risking my relationships but they are stressing me out the most at the moment and I want to move to the woods to be a hermit.

Sorry for the rant. Anyone else found a way  of dealing with this pressure from others to get better?

[Rosie77]

Hi hopeful,  I am the same way. I dread when someone asks how I am feeling.  In general, I just say “fine” and change the subject.  Of course I feel lousy, but I realize they are just making conversation.  My family is coming to visit soon and I just want to hide.  Very hard to explain to the “normals” that I cannot go lots of places, have no energy and my head is sick and dizzy.  One thinks that if I breathe in essential oils and do yoga, all of my troubles will go away.  Another thinks I am going to get cancer from using my HRT.  My mother thinks I'm from another planet.  None of them understand why with all the drs I've seen I'm still not well. Or, when I was on different Anti depressants for migraine why I am not “cured”.  Explaining side effects is a waste of my precious energy.
I have relied mostly on this forum to vent and swap advice.  My husband has been good too, however, there's only so much he can do...he doesn't “feel” what I am going through.  Honestly, at this point, people can kiss my ass... I am not feeling great at some point I will get better.  I have been there for everybody my whole life.  Time for me to take care of myself.   

[JaneinPen]

Hi Hopeful1. No need to apologise for ranting. We all need to vent from time to time. No judgements are made on here.  I hope that you find a solution that works for you.  I have just taken virtually a year to recover from a back problem. After extensive tests I now know it is not going to get better. I have a regime of different exercises including two walks each day that keep me semi mobile and I am learning my limitations. When we have things to deal with like the meno or like myself it is very very annoying to continually be asked if we have tried this or tried that because Auntie Effie did and she was great. Like me you will reach a balance and be happy with where you are. I have actually started to say to “well meaning” people that as I know I won't get better I am happy with what I do to help myself. What I would really like to say however is Bog Off and mind your own business because everyone's situation is different!!! Just realised I have just had a rant too 

[jillydoll]

Oh absolutely well said Rosie77.  😘
Take care of yourself now. Xxx

[jaypo]

You rant away girly.
People do generally try to help but yes, I understand why it gets annoying,same with anything isn't it,someone who's never suffered depression say,they tell you to pull yourself together,so here,we all suffer the same stuff more or less but can only tell you what's worked for us,may not necessarily work for you but at least it's coming from people who understand

[sheila99]

I have no solution but much sympathy. When I was bad I just wanted to hide in a hole and shut the world out so I know how you feel. I only told close family and fortunately they were understanding. Everyone else just got snarled at. Just remember this time will pass and you will feel yourself again one day. In the meantime I think you just have to put your needs first and look after yourself. If they're friends worth having they will understand.

[racjen]

I realised recently that I was feeling obliged to justify how I was feeling when people asked me how I was. As if it's not OK just to be feeling crap, whatever the reason. And like you, it meant i was avoiding people so I didn't have to go through the whole litany of menopause stuff. I've now resolved that I don't have any duty to tell other people why I am the way i am, unless I want to, so I just say something like 'I've been better - how are you?' That way you don't have to pretend you're feeling great, but give the message you  don't want to talk about it. If questioned further I'd say 'thanks for your concern but I'd rather not talk about it right now'.

[Hopeful1]

Thanks all. I'm feeling a bit calmer today and able to carry on telling people not to try and give me advice or put pressure on me to get better until they get the message. X

[CLKD]

It's a habit.  Think of walking in2 the GP Waiting Room and anyone you know will ask "How are you?" - 'well I wouldn't be here if I was OK would I?' ;-)

The other method I use is "If you are really serious about giving me advice, how long have you got to listen to my symptoms?"  or "I won't listen if you haven't anything to back up the advice you seem to think I need!" then walk away.

I don't think it's that they 'mean well' either  . 

"Don't ask and I won't tell you!" ....... "I'm feeling too ill to listen to any advice from anyone, OK - which bit of I don't want to know your advice, don't you get!?!" it's practicing these come backs that is important.

After my Mum told me when I was severely depressed "Don't lead your husband a dance as your father led me!" that I stopped telling her.

[Emerald2017]

When I talked to a close friend about my early meno and the awful symptoms she said that all these are in my mind and that taking hrt I will get cancer...Two years later she is in the same boat and I just said to her to ask her gyn and that I don't want to talk about...

[CLKD]

She's still a friend  ?  

It is easy 4 me to avoid family as they live over 2+ hours journey from us  and friends understand.

[Emerald2017]

CLKD I love your humor!!!😂😂😘

[CLKD]

   4 years+++ I tried 2 please everyone and not one appreciated the effort it took DH and me ....... now it's us, joined at the hip against them  .  We were working full time in those days and they never offered to visit us here .........