everyone ! the fear is more controlled since mid-afternoon yesterday. Am managing to eat rubbish foods i.e. chocolate croxsonts [sp]
and a sort of cheesecake ........ we had a delicious mango yesterday, messy and tasty. When the fear strikes my brain asks how I can face anything other than Rich Tea biscuits and the thought of fried foods or anything which smells
and every magazine or TV programme has adverts about food
......
I feel very woozy. I am still vulnerable so am keeping busy. I need toup my beta-blocka for a few days to control the left over anxiety as we have LOTS to do this week
........... though at 1.30 on Friday morning when I was self destructing I couldn't think of doing anything any more
except die. However logical that although I feel dreadful I am not sick the tightness across my belly button makes it impossible to even consider putting anything into my mouth which might return; yet when I was sick after taking that codeine mix, it was a big burp, up, out and over
.......... now explain that! and no, it's never been explained.
I've seen psychologists, the GP has been very good, the whole issue is very embarrassing
because I'm a Big Girl now and should be able to deal with illness. Himself said he was weary on Sat. [not like him to tell me how he feels, ever] and I began to freak out in case .......... if he coughs in the night I turn him over, in case he chokes .......... when he wanders to the bathroom in the early hours he mutters 'I'm going for a pee' because I fear he's going to be ill ....... no bedside manner here then! He gave me freesias on Sat. to cheer me up, we sat watching Chelsea Flower Show on the Beeb with the gentle waft of Summer across the room, it was almost like 'smelly telly'