has stated ruled my life, I had my first panic attack at age 3 related to it ...... I became anorexic. Mum kept me alive on Rainbow Drops [chocolate buttons] ...... took me to a Dr at age 5 who told her that I 'woudl grow out of it' ... well I'm still waiting to grow
.... I have talked it through with many professionals but rarely friends as one night when vomiting [aged 8] I asked Mum to call the Dr and she told me that "the Dr would laugh" so, if the Dr will laugh the chances are that others will too. So it's been hidden. Even now.
There was a group in the UK called 'gut reaction' begun by a lady in Ross on Wye - her initial letter to me was as though I had written it myself. Every experience, every word ......... I hated school. In case I was taken ill [I never was in school or College], or in case others were poorly. I did manage to go on school bus trips to Dovedale or by train to London, even then at least 1 child would be ill or turn pale .........
but there were always teachers to deal with them. I can remember clearly every incidence of a child being sick in class and when I'm queasy it's those visions that return
.
Because I didn't eat properly my gut eventually gave up pushing food through my system. On 13 June 1998 I cracked up, I felt SO ILL ........ my Dr diagnosed irritable bowel syndrome and gave me medication to help kick start my spasm and after 4 days I felt a different person. The phobia continued however. In 2002 I was given beta-blockas to stop that adrenaline surge which causes my stomach to be queasy and I have begun to live again.
Apart from not being able to go to the theatre Hubby and I have a life once more. I still have my survival kit: when travelling by car I have a plastic box near my feet 'in case'; when shopping I have a plastic bag in my back pocket 'in case'; I also know where every bin or thick cardboard box is in each shop
, 'in case' ......... when in a supermarket I mark where the flowers are stored and the household section where there are buckets 'just in case' .............
Do you realise how many food adverts are in magazines? I didn't until I tried to flip through one when I was queasy at night to divert my thought patterns
and how many food adverts are on TV .......... how important food preparation is World Wide, I got so I didn't go out to eat because I know how much time people take over food and then to turn up and tell them I'm not hungry
.......
Waffling done, off for brekkies.
for your daughter .........